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Tabby’s Probably-Not-Canon “Self-Conceit” Tie-In


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Tabby’s Probably-Not-Canon “Self-Conceit” Tie-In

Tabby missed out of the whole first round of tasks for the Self-Conceit Story arc.  Why? What was she doing?   This phone call might hold the answers.


Tabby lurched awake to a terrifyingly loud Klaxon coming from everywhere, surrounding her, so powerful it resonated in her skull… deafening … no, it was just the ringer in her earbuds. 

Stupid phone.

“H- hello?” 

“Yeah, um… hold on.”


“Yes, I should be able to hear the zig alarms from my apartment, but I’m not AT my apartment. apartment.   I’m… whereami?   I’m at my work-study.”

She looked around.  More specifically, she was on a makeshift bed hidden behind a crate in the midnighter archives.   Magically climate-controlled for optimal artifact preservation also happened to make it a cozy spot for a quick nap- so much so that if she hadn’t had her earbuds in place, she may have been able to follow the faint sound of snoring to another more elaborately-done secret spot occupied by an anthropomorphic rat.

“Four Hours! I mean, I know my shift ended hours ago, but I’d been caught up in some research and…”

“No, I really am at the work study at the Midnighters Library.”

“No, I’m not ‘with someone.’”

“Why does everyone ask that?”

“Well yeah, statistically speaking it probably is a good assumption with most catgirls.  Not me though.”

 “Hostages?  Really? I mean REALLY! Of course, all that.   Y’know had to keep a low profile.  Let others in a better position work through it, but it’s over.”

“It IS over, right?”

She peeked out of the archives doors into the Steel Canyon library.  The coast appeared clear.  Some dangerous looking dude in a brown trenchcoat and a girl- probably her age- in a kickass white mage robe seemed to be engaged with the rest of the midnighters, wrapping things up, so she slipped past them to the exit.

“I’m so gonna copy that look once I get human again.”

“What? No, sorry, just talking to myself.”

“Ok, I’m heading out.  They can take care of that.  How about I detour over to city hall and you can brief me on the zig thing over donuts?” 

“No donut day?”


“So… did the hostage-taking start before or after the donut delivery?  Like, is there a lunchroom full of just-delivered uneaten donuts?”

“Ok, fine, I’ll drop it.   So, brief me on the Zig.-  but if they are there, can you pop a few in the freezer for me to pick up later? ”

Darting through Steel Canyon, she came across several mobs of hellions terrorizing the city and heroes rushing to engage them.   An Asian girl spouting what appeared to be Spanish profanity taking down one group of arsonists.  She seemed to have things under control and was kinda terrifying to watch.   Just a building over, a kinda thin mage type seemed to want to talk down the hellions.

“Someone’s gonna get flattened.  Hold on”

… then she saw the hellions listen and follow his command.

“Nope, he’s good.  Moving on.”

“No, he’s mental- I mean a mind controller or something.   Not risking anyone doing anything with my head.  Never.”

“It’s the only part of me that’s not changed, and I aim to keep it that way.”

“Last thing I need is some hypnotist making me speak nyancat or start n end every sentence with a meow or something humiliating like that.  Not. Gonna. Happen.”

“Ok, so back to the zig. Fill me in”

“Who the hell breaks INTO a prison?”

“Ok, so break into AND break out of.  They’re covering all bases there.”

“Well, power suppressors aren’t all they’re cracked up to be.   I was in this bar with them and it totally didn’t suppress my transformation spell at all.   Wasn’t just me too.. there was this overly-handsy invisible tentacle guy that tried to impress me with a huge..”

“… wad of money.  Where was your mind?”

“Sorry I asked”

“No, I wasn’t drinking.”

“I know the rules of my release.”

“I’m not on house arrest, you know.  I’m allowed to go out on occasion?”

“I’m sure you could, but I’m really not interested.”

“No, that’s not why I was in a bar, but… ok, thanks. Just… If I do decide to date, I’ll consider going to one of your mixers, OK? Happy?”

“Ok, back to the Zig, right?  You were telling me about the tunnels…”

“What? You need me at Peregrine now?  Seriously?”

“Portal?  No offense, but should I really be your first call for potentially EXTRA-Dimensional incidents?  I feel like you should have someone a bit higher on your rolodex.”

“Well who were you trying to call?”

“Flamb… REALLY, you’d call HER before ME?”

“Now, I’m hurt.”

“Don’t try to explain it.  You’re making it worse.  I’m on my way to Talos.   

“Wait, What was that about the warriors?”

“You gotta be effin kidding me!”

“Is there any part of the city that ISN’T melting down?”

“Nope.  Just got texts about a troll raver and a Lusca sighting, so those two are out, too.”

“Ok, I’m in the rail, on my way to Talos.  If I catch the ferry, I should be eta maybe 20 minutes.””

“Yeah, I hate that thing.”

“No, I hate boats, not water.  It’s not a cat-thing.”

“Grew up along a lake. Swam all the time, but once when I was about six I was playing on an old boat on the docks and it got unmoored.   No oars, not that I’d know how to use them.  Just stuck out on the lake for hours.  Too far out to swim or be heard.  It totally scarred me.”

“Because I’m not part of any supergroup that would have teleporters to zap you to problem spots..”

“Maybe they’ve met their quota on catgirls.”

“Look, it’s a trope but it’s true.  Every supergroup’s already got at least one temperamental crittergirl with daddy issues and an overactive libido.  They don’t need another”

“Not that I… I mean, that’s what they SEE when they see me, not that I have…  Damn, why couldn’t this monorail car have been empty.   We’re hitting the tunnel.  I’ll call you back when we get to the other side.”  

It seemed like forever before reaching the Talos station, particularly with some creepy older dude asking her if she’d like to talk more about her father.  She certainly proved the “temperamental” part in the interim, though.

“Ok, back at Talos now. Heading to the ferry.”

“Look, do you want me fighting Warriors or defending Portal Corp, I can’t be in both places.”

“Wait, they’re doing WHAT at the zig? I heard that in the background?  My apartment’s near there.  Everything I own…”

“Yeah, all 75 cents worth of it. Thanks for rubbing it in.  Geeze, these streets are practically abandoned.”


“Some crazyfreaky crittergirl just dismantled a bunch of Warriors in the alley.   Yeah, I meant dismantled.  Warriors.”

“I’m wasn’t sticking around to find out.”

“Ok, I’m at the friggin Ferry.”

“Battery’s low. Gonna sign out.  Should be at Peregrine soon, then I’ll check in.”

“Don’t Jinx it.”

Just as Talos Island became a distant blip on the horizon, the hum of the engne turned into choking gasps.  Black smoke belched from deep within the ship and all the lights went out.

“Goddamn, she Jinxed it.”

Tabby spent the rest of her night and most of the next day trapped on a darkened Ferry with the ship’s captain, two crewmen, and two tour busses of attendees to a hentai otaku convention.  They hooked up the bus batteries to a projector and played a marathon of “Neko Neko Ninja Princess” anime against the inside wall of the ferry.  Subbed first, then again dubbed.    With all the events going on, nobody could be spared to come out and get the adrift vessel.  Fortunately help arrived before the “dubbers” vs “subbers” went all lord of the flies on one another.  

Tabby, for her part, spent most of her time on the roof avoiding all of them, pleading with God for forgiveness for whatever she did to deserve this. 


Edited by chase
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