New AE Arc The Garden of Pain

[Illithid317]

Hello all,

 

I just published a new AE arc called The Garden of Pain. arc ID number 35242,by @MindRipper.

 

It has 3 missions, custom critters, its about a Fey plot to steal lands. I am looking for feedback and general thoughts.

 

Thanks

Edited December 1, 2020 by Illithid317
added global

[Kyksie]

Bland story, low effort, terrible spelling and grammar.

[Glacier Peak]

12 minutes ago, Kyksie said:

Bland story, low effort, terrible spelling and grammar.

Hey maybe give some positive critiques too? It's easy to learn from both, but just including negative criticism will likely make the author less receptive to your feedback. 

[Seed22]

39 minutes ago, Kyksie said:

Bland story, low effort, terrible spelling and grammar.

Ive seen you post quite a bit. Where’s your story? Or, rather, what story of YOURS has been featured in Devs choice? Just sayin’ if you’re gonna be so cut and dry you better have consistent HoF arcs. I haven’t seen one yet of yours, so perhaps try a better approach? Plus, this IS only a game afterall, not like they’re writing for a new Netflix show

Edited December 3, 2020 by Seed22

[Kyksie]

Maybe I was a bit too blunt. This isn't a horrible arc, it's just... not great.

 

The player is told that the fey have come to Paragon City to steal land, which is odd because they're already here in Croatoa. We go into a warehouse to whomp some baddies and smash some "Soul Anchors", then to an outdoor zone to whomp more badguys and smash more Soul Anchors, then to yet another outdoor area, where the player needs to set up tents for a children's annual church picnic... nah I'm kidding, more baddies and more Soul Anchors. That's it.

 

The writing isn't terrible, but it's bland and simplistic, almost childish. For example, the final badguy's villain bark is "Children taste delicious with a garlic sauce Ha Ha Ha." That's... um... supposed to be scary? There's also a fair amount of spelling and grammar errors, including a lot of words Capitalized at Random In the Middle of Sentences. There's a custom group, but it's only three or four types, with brief and sometimes missing minion descriptions.

 

 

Again, this isn't as bad as some of the arcs I reviewed on the live server, which were clearly written by 12 year old listening to Megadeth while snorting Pop Rocks mixed with Ritalin. Oh yeah, did I mention I had a review column on the Live forums? Purple Lovin's Highly Sarcastic Review Pit. Anyone remember that?

 

Edited December 3, 2020 by Kyksie

[Seed22]

Just now, Kyksie said:

Maybe I was a bit too blunt. This isn't a horrible arc, it's just... not great.

 

The player is told that the fey have come to Paragon City to steal land, which is odd because they're already here in Croatoa. We go into a warehouse to whomp some baddies and smash some "Soul Anchors", then to an outdoor zone to whomp more badguys and smash more Soul Anchors, then to yet another outdoor area, where the player needs to set up tents for a children's annual church picnic... nah I'm kidding, more baddies and more Soul Anchors. That's it.

 

The writing isn't terrible, but it's bland and simplistic, almost childish. For example, the final badguy's villain bark is "Children taste delicious with a garlic sauce Ha Ha Ha." That's... um... supposed to be scary? There's also a fair amount of spelling and grammar errors, including a lot of words Capitalized at Random In the Middle of Sentences. There's a custom group, but it's only three or four types, with brief and sometimes mission minion descriptions.

 

Again, this isn't as bad as some of the arcs I reviewed on the live server, which were clearly written by 12 year old listening to Megadeth while snorting Pop Rocks mixed with Ritalin. Oh yeah, did I mention I had a review column on the Live forums? Purple Lovin's Highly Sarcastic Review Pit. Anyone remember that?

 

Nope. Not ringing a bell, but this is..more constructive

[Illithid317]

3 hours ago, Kyksie said:

Bland story, low effort, terrible spelling and grammar.

I realize that I'm not a great writer. I was not trying to write anything to replace what is going on in Croatoa. This was my attempt at having a story tied to one of my characters that I like to play and amuse myself in the process.

 

Anyways thanks for the play through and the rate. At least I got badges from it.