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Zumberge

We gave kittens to AVs and factions. Here are the results.

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(Right out of the gate: I figured this went here since it was "in-universe" subject material and not about the game as a whole.  Bit of a judgement call, that, so if the mods see this and it's not the right place or subject matter, well, it wasn't done out of malice.  Live and learn, right?)

 

This stems from an idea I heard or saw ages ago, about how you could completely stymie most supervillains just by presenting them with a basket of kittens.  You just go up to Doctor Doom when he's talking and hand him a cat, and it's like, what does he do?  Nobody's really prepared for that kind of thing, especially when your first instinct is to defend yourself from people who look like they were dressed by a committee of the color-blind.

 

Eh, I dunno.  I just like the idea of characters who are multifaceted and have hidden depths to them that you never see because you catch them at a bad time.  Mostly when that bad time is at the end of a task force with seven other people you spent the last hour or so with, steamrolling several hundred of their minions.

 

 

Hellions: Tell you to fuck off, but the kitten decides to stick around making a nuisance of itself in their hideouts by curling up in warm spots.

 

Skulls: The kitten tries to scamper out of your hands the second you start approaching a group of them.

 

Atta: Outright refuses it. "Atta have bigger matter to worry about!"

 

Dr. Vahzilok: Weeps uncontrollably over the realization of the loss of his own innocence.

 

Frostfire: Is put off at first but takes it.  As soon as his demeanor softens one of his lackeys makes a wisecrack, at which point Frostfire angrily tells him to shut the fuck up.

 

King Midas: Makes a show of not wanting to touch the kitten.

 

Clockwork King: Dismisses the kitten angrily, stating that "I have no time for this."

 

The Family: The muscle man tells you to wait as he passes it up the chain of command to the underboss, and a long, animated debate follows between several mobsters, eventually reaching a head when one of them brings up that "there's enough of the goddamn things on the docks."  Returning with an exasperated expression the mook tells you to take it elsewhere.

 

Scrapyarders: One takes it and they pass it around before a volunteer for adoption steps forward, saying that "my kids will love 'em."

 

Odysseus: Takes the kitten and immediately dubs it "Nemea."  It quickly becomes the Warriors' new mascot.

 

Captain Castillo: Compliments the kitten and uses it as a springboard to talk about how great his looks and personality are, completely oblivious to the fact that the kitten wants absolutely nothing to do with him.

 

Banished Pantheon: Start talking about how cats are the messengers of the gods.  The kitten is not impressed, forcing its way out of their grasp several seconds in and refusing to approach them from that point onward.

 

Baron Zoria: Similar to the above, speaks affectionately to the kitten, referring to it as "our little messenger."  Worth noting is that the kitten is quite a bit calmer in his hands.

 

Dreck: Sees the innate independent streak and casual dismissal of authority that cats have and presents it to his followers, at which point the Freakshow treat it like the second coming of The Clash.  Upon returning to Carnival Town it disappears into the labyrinth of ledges and hidey-holes, and a year later the area is positively overrun with strays.

 

Countess Crey: Immediately starts baby-taking the kitten about how adorable its "iddy-biddy whiskers" and "fuzzy-wuzzy nose" are.

 

Maestro: Accepts it coldly until it begins purring in his hands.  Holding it against him he feels the vibrations - the closest thing to sound he has heard since losing his hearing - and begins to cry.

 

Malta Operatives: The head of the organization thinks aloud about how his children would love a kitten but ultimately passes it back to you, stating that "they're not ready for such a responsibility."

 

Vanessa DeVore: Happily accepts.  Within the Carnival of Shadows there is no lack for people willing to play with and serve it.  It lives like a king, at least as far as cats are concerned.

 

Hamidon: Like you're gonna waste a spot on a raid for a friggin' kitten.  Get real.

 

Knives of Artemis: Regards the kitten with disdain.  One of the more vocal members of the group clarifies that "we're dog people."

 

Nemesis: Presses his finger into the side of the kitten's neck, causing a hiss of steam as he removes its head entirely to reveal the intricate mechanisms animating it. "I lead you to this point.  Do you understand now how outmatched you are?"

 

The Rikti: Quickly and quietly kills the kitten without a second thought.  Owing to their nature and that of their homeworld, and tangentially related to the behavior shown by the Thorns and Pantheon, cats were hunted to extinction by the Rikti.

 

The Center: Refuses it. "I already own one."

 

Reichsman: Haughtily asks, "do you expect me to display weakness at this abject show of maudlin sentimentality?"

 

Ghost Widow: Gets angry at you and sends you away but keeps the kitten in private.  Denies that she has it and acts like it refuses to leave her when proven otherwise.

 

Mako: Eats the kitten.  Whole.  It's not the first time.

 

Sirocco: Lapses into a contemplative silence before passing the kitten back to you and waking away.

 

Black Scorpion: Goes to take the kitten but realizes he has a gun arm and a big meaty power fist.  The kitten just jumps onto him and squeezes into the space between the back of his head and the lip of his armor.  It refuses to leave Scorpion's presence except to eat and use the litter box.

 

Lord Recluse: Casually dismisses you and sits on his throne petting the kitten, even when talking to his minions.  Hey, he's the dictator of his own country, the head of a massive evil organization, and one of the strongest super-powered beings on the planet.  You think he gives a fuck?

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As a Scrapper main I eat a steady diet of crayons and glue to keep my wits sharp and my reflexes honed.

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Actually.... I can kind-of imagine Recluse ending up sitting on the floor, playing with the kitten and a piece of string when he thinks nobody is looking. XD


Taker of screenshots. Player of creepy Oranbegans.

Kai's Diary: The Scrapbook of a Sorcerer's Apprentice

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I LOST IT at Nemesis!

 

Mary Macomber: Takes the kitten without a second thought and shoos you away. What did you expect?


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Devouring Earth: Slay it in utter horror when it tries to use them as a scratching post.

 

Mother Mayhem: Gets into a staring contest with the kitten.  Loses.

 

Clamor: The kitten flees and will have nothing to do with her after she tries to have its ears pierced.

Ms. Liberty: Launches into a spiel about how owning pets is the same as keeping slaves.  Takes it home anyway. 

 

Doc Delilah: Already has a house full of them.

 

Penelope Yin: Doesn't think it will get along with all the parakeets.

 

Azuria: Loses it, or has it run away, in a week. 


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A lot of hissing and snarling and ruffled fur and bouncing around each other sideways...


Taker of screenshots. Player of creepy Oranbegans.

Kai's Diary: The Scrapbook of a Sorcerer's Apprentice

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I can see the Hamidon, or Devouring Earth, mutating the kitten into a giant cat monster and unleashing it onto the city.

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22 hours ago, Ritikesh said:

I can see the Hamidon, or Devouring Earth, mutating the kitten into a giant cat monster and unleashing it onto the city.

Don't say this, I just finished the Terra questline for the first time, what happened was horrible. 😞

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Redcaps: Kitten vanishes in their mids. Months later you see several Rascals using grown out cats as mounts.

 

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