Your News at 11 Episode 3: Spamburglar Bank Heist 06Sep25

[david665]

[P.N.N. – YOUR NEWS AT 11]

 

TRISH TAKANAWA (in studio, stern):
“Good evening. I’m Trish Takanawa, Senior Meta-Human Affairs Correspondent. Tonight, we turn to Mercy Island, where citizens remain shaken after a daring daylight robbery at the Paragon Credit Exchange. The culprit? A bizarre new villain calling himself The Spamburgler.

Witnesses describe the figure as a gaunt man in a striped disguise, his face hidden under the stereotypical villain mask, and his hands seemingly able to conjure torrents of greasy, canned meat. One terrified bank clerk told PNN, ‘He shouted something about “processed justice” before hurling entire hams of Spam at the security guards. They never stood a chance.’

Another eyewitness, a dockworker passing by, reported, ‘He kept muttering that the Mongoose was watching. Like he was stealing for somebody else. That made him scarier, somehow.’

Arachnos authorities responded quickly, deploying agents to cordon off the financial district. While The Spamburgler escaped with an undisclosed amount of cash, Arachnos representative Captain Verax issued the following statement: ‘This city is not a buffet for costumed opportunists. Arachnos is investigating any alleged ties between The Spamburgler and known underworld figure, The Mongoose. If confirmed, this would represent a dangerous escalation in organized villainy on Mercy Island.’

Tonight, questions remain: is The Spamburgler a lone novelty criminal—or a pawn in a larger, more sinister game? For Paragon News Network, I’m Trish Takanawa. This is Your News at 11.”