Your News at 11 Episode 5: Spamburglar Scraps the Sea Witch 06Sep25

[david665]

[P.N.N. – YOUR NEWS AT 11, LIVE FROM PORT OAKES]

 

TRISH TAKANAWA (on-scene, grim):
“Good evening. I’m Trish Takanawa, reporting live from the Port Oakes Scrapyard District, where chaos has erupted once again. The elusive criminal known as The Spamburgler has struck again, this time targeting the notorious meta-human villain Sea Witch of the Scrapyarders.

Witnesses describe a scene of utter destruction: twisted metal, overturned containers, and the pungent aroma of canned meat lingering in the air. One dockworker, still shaken, told PNN, ‘I saw him—he just stormed in, tossing Spam like grenades. Sea Witch tried to fight back, but… she just went down.’ Another passerby added, ‘It was like watching a cartoon turn real. He didn’t hesitate. She’s lying there… I don’t know if she’s alive.’

Arachnos representatives arrived on scene swiftly. Captain Verax, speaking to our reporters, said: ‘This incident underscores the dangerous unpredictability of this new criminal element. We are investigating whether The Spamburgler acted alone or under the direction of larger criminal interests. Port Oakes citizens should remain vigilant.’

The fate of the Sea Witch remains unconfirmed. However, the pattern is clear: The Spamburgler is moving quickly through Port Oakes’ criminal hierarchy, leaving both law enforcement and rival villains uncertain—and alarmed.

From the Scrapyard District, I’m Trish Takanawa for Paragon News Network. This is Your News at 11.”