Rewards (story)

[Megajoule]

*ping*

 

"...Hello?"

 

Hello, and welcome to Well*Mart Rewards™! You have been recognized as a being of exceptional power. You're about to begin a new chapter, with new challenges and even greater rewards.

 

"Who is this and why are you in my head?"

 

As a loyal Well*Mart customer, you are now eligible for membership in our Well*Mart Rewards™ program. Enrollment in Well*Mart Rewards™ is automatic when you achieve Security or Threat Level 50.

 

"Huh. Okay, uh... what can I get?"

 

Here are some of the exciting benefits that you can earn through participating in the Well*Mart Rewards™ program...

 

 

(later)

 

Congratulations! You just earned 5 Well*Mart Rewards™ points!

 

"shut up."

 

Congratulations! You just earned 6 Well*Mart Rewards™ points!

 

"don't care."

 

Congratulations! You just earned 4 Well*Mart Rewards™ points!

 

"don't care."

 

Congratulations! You just earned 12 Well*Mart Rewards™ points!

 

"Die in a fire.  No, not you, I was talking to the Well. The Well of the Furies.  I'M NOT CRAZY!"

 

Congratulations! You just earned 8 Well*Mart Rewards™ points!  You are now just 47391 points from the next Rewards Tier!

 

 

(later)

 

"I'm telling you, I can't take it.  I can't sleep, I got fired from my day job, I -- Want more power? Well*Mart has it all! -- WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?"

 

Members of Well*Mart Rewards™ may sometimes be selected to deliver personalized targeted advertising to friends and family.  This helps us--

 

"You're saying you can just stick your hand up my butt and use me as a sockpuppet any time you want?!"

 

Per the terms and conditions of Well*Mart Rewards™, we can--

 

"I never signed up for that!"

 

Enrollment in Well*Mart Rewards™ is automatic when you achieve Security or Threat Level 50.

 

"No. No, that's it I'm done. Take me off your damn list, I'm done."

 

You wish to terminate your membership in the Well*Mart Rewards™ program?

 

"Yes!"

 

Membership in Well*Mart Rewards™ is for life, non-transferable, and cannot be terminated by the customer.

 

"what."

 

Membership in Well*Mart Rewards™ is for life, non-transferable, and cannot be terminated by the customer.

 

"oh god."

 

Congratulations! You just earned 9 Well*Mart Rewards™ points!

 

 

(much much much much later)

 

"please... let me go..."

 

ImmortaLife™ is one of the most valuable benefits offered through Well*Mart Rewards™. ImmortaLife™ ensures that you will continue to enjoy adequate health, reasonably pain-free existence, and all the other benefits of Well*Mart Rewards™ in perpetuity!

 

"there's nothing left, there's just dust and... please... please..."

 

Your Well*Mart Rewards™ points will never expire - and thanks to ImmortaLife™, neither will you!