The April 1st journals of the Lady Cobra, Nanite Hacker Lord, and friends.

[White Cobra]

((Nanite Hacker Lord is used without permission from @McSpazz))

Mizuni Towers:

Guess mine is not the first heart broken
My eyes are not the first to cry
I'm not the first to know
There's just no getting over you

 

For the millionth time that morning, Rei Mizuni was looking through her cherished signed copy of Hero Illustrated – the legendary Nanite Hacker Lord speedo cover issue.

The Japanese heiress sighed. So what if she had vowed to stay chaste and save herself for marriage. The speedo-clad nanite lord of darkness was certainly more than welcome to hack her system any time he felt like it.

Rei closed her eyes, dreaming of speedos and nanites just as Tanaka-san her PA knocked on the door and entered.

“I have here the five strategic acquisition proposals and business plans prepared by the M&A department,” she said, handing Rei the business files.

“Yes, yes, that’s all very fine, but what about the invitation?”

Tanaka-san looked confused. “Invitation? You mean the Chow Pharmaceuticals auction tender?”

“No, no!” Rei clenched her fists. “The invitation for that birthday!”

“Birthday?” Tanaka-san was clearly flustered.

“Of course. The golden ticket invitation for that birthday party Positron is arrange for Nanite Hacker Lord to display gratitude for Nanite Hacker Lord saving his life most repeatedly.” Rei angrily pushed the acquisition proposal files off the table.

“And where is the SPA where I transfer the controlling interest of Mizuni company to Nanite Hacker Lord as the small token birthday gift?” Rei was hoping a gift like that would make him show her a little nanite interest and affection.

“I…I will arrange immediately!” Tanaka-san hurried out the door.

“I WANT a golden ticket,” Rei shouted after her PA before picking up the Hero Illustrated copy again.

William Chang’s mansion:

But now there's nowhere to hide
Since you pushed my love aside
I'm out of my head
Hopelessly devoted to you

 

William Chang looked up from his glass of Armagnac, as ex-wife Emily burst through the door to his study. She was dressed in her Lady Cobra costume, her eyes tear-filled and haunted.

“Oh William. I’m desperate! I don’t know what to do…” Emily flung herself on his sofa and started crying helplessly.

“What is it? Did something go wrong on a mission? Is it Ngo Damh?”

“No, it’s worse, much worse. He hasn’t replied to my love letter and he isn’t returning my calls.” Emily’s words were barely detectable amongst all the sobbing.

“WHAT?” William’s fist came slamming into the table, “Are you seeing another man?”

Emily nodded still sobbing. “It’s…Nanite Hacker Lord…”

“Oh, I see, of course,” William downed the remaining liquid, “I guess I just have to accept it then. Even I know better than to mess with him. I still remember when he effortlessly hacked Chang Industries systems and maintained an undetected presence there while calling his favorite grand uncle or whatever, Lord Recluse, and making him shut down our entire Rogue Isles operations.”

Emily managed a smile. “Yes, he is so supremely powered and brilliant, isn’t he? How could I be foolish enough to think that he would want me…” She covered her eyes and started crying again.

Just then, William’s current bedchamber companion Anni Nakayima walked in.

“What is wrong with Emily?” she asked.

“Her heart is broken. Nanite Hacker Lord…” William poured himself another Armagnac.

“Oh, I see, of course.” Anni looked at Emily more sympathetically than ever before.

“You used to go out with him, didn’t you?” William finished his drink and poured himself yet another.

“Oh yes,” Anni replied dreamily.

“What…what was he like?” Emily managed in between sobs.

“Well for one thing, he was very well furnished in the nanite department if you catch my drift.” Anni closed her eyes in what looked like blissful reminiscence.

William looked up from his glass. “I find it hard to believe that he…”

“Oh give it up William. You know perfectly well what they say. Once you go Hack, you don’t go back. In fact…I think I am going to call him right now!” Anni stormed out, slamming the door behind her.

“Oh no…she wants him too…” Emily was hugging herself, rocking back and forth on William’s sofa.

“Well I’m sorry to say for both of you that I just read in this morning’s paper that he is getting married next week to Ms. Liberty and Desdemona in a spectacular double wedding event. Emperor Cole as best man apparently. He is just so well-connected I guess.”

“No! He can’t be! I…I have to stop those marriages or I’ll never be happy again!” The Lady Cobra stormed out in desperation, slamming the door behind her.

Curse that Nanite Hacker Lord and his ruggedly handsome Casanova antics and ministrations, William thought to himself. If only he wasn’t so mind-blowingly overpowered and limitlessly omnipotent William would certainly show him.

But wait! Hadn’t the article said that Nanite Hacker Lord would be busying himself using his nanite hacking powers to revive his former best friend and secret half-brother Statesman and bring him back from the dead in time for the wedding?

Perhaps this was William’s chance to finally execute his brilliant, crystallized Manchurian wart hog droppings plan and bring about Nanite Hacker Lord’s downfall, or at least cause him some brief phantom stomach upset before the wedding. Yes, this was it! William rushed to the portal room, rapidly typing in the coordinates for Epsilon-MWH-29877. Time was of the essence. William would have to hurry before Nanite Hacker Lord had finished reviving Statesman and casually used his nanites to hack into William’s thoughts, thus foiling the brilliant revenge plan yet again!

Oh no, William suddenly thought. What if Nanite Hacker Lord had already hacked his brain and was currently maintaining an undetected nanite presence there?

William realized that it was all hopeless. Nanite Hacker Lord was just too powerful and universally skilled. It was better to just return to his study and open another bottle of Armagnac.

[chase]

A diminutive grey-striped catgirl feliform wearing little more than a purple backpack bounds into view, scans the scene and stops dead in her tracks, a little cockeared and a very fluffed up.

 She fishes out a ream of paper stapled together and flips through it, reading, "yep... seems like the right place, now I just gotta look up my lines and..."  It shouldn't be possible for her to get more fluffed up, but she manages, "Oh... no...  that's a big nope."

 

She continues to read through the script, page by page.  "nope... nope....  William and Tabby f... absolutely not." 
Several pages later   "Emily and Anni and Tabby.... man they're going nuclear on the fanservice there.  Still a nope."

"Nanite Hacker Lord and Tabby.. his nanites crawling through her fur...big nope there..."

 

...another page and she just drops the script like it had just burst to flame. "EEW"

 

She pulls out a bundle of duct tape that somehow acted as a phone and dials.

 

"Hello, office of Saul Rubenstein, Agent to Paragon's Elite.  Can I speak to Marty?"
 

"The intern.  Yeah."

 

"Hey Marty.  I'm not doin it."

 

"Nope... not a chance."

"I don't care if it's for April Fools or not.  I have my pride."

 

"Yes, as bad as the pizza cat thing was, I still DO have some pride left, thankyouverymuch."

 

"I know my fans would love it.  That's why I won't do it.  Hell, imagine the mashups that would occur."

"I DON'T WANT THIS GOING VIRAL."

"Well, what charity?"

"That's not a thing."
 

"Totally can't be a thing.  I don't believe you.  Doesn't matter."

"What do I object to?  Pretty much the whole thing!"

 

"Yeah!"

 

"So, they'll give me half if I just do the parts that I don't find objectionable?"

"You've got that on paper?"

"Deal"

 

"Yeah, let me just make some edits and I'll resume where I cut off."

 

Pocketing the phone Tabby tore off the cover page and the last page, tossing the rest of the script behind her, and reads, "A diminutive grey-striped... yeah we did that part.  that's a take..." and flips to the second page and reads "Tabby leaves with a satisfied glow about her.  She turns straight to the hidden camera, "I expect my payment direct deposit before my order's ready at City of Gyros." 

 

She smiles, adding  "See this? this is my satisfied glow.  I'm out" as she leaps away.

[McSpazz]

While I hereby give you my blessing to carry on the name of Nanite Hacker Lord, I demand that your post always include comments of how hard I am trying to stop this from continuing (assuming you ever do any more of these). This was glorious.

[White Cobra]

I actually made a Nanite Hacker Lord in-game thinking I might bring him to one of the next welcome wagon classes 🙂

 

As I wrote to @chase yesterday, I felt so embarassed moving him across Atlas Park post-creation and worrying that other players might think he was an actual RP character of mine!

 

If i ever write another Nanite Hacker Lord scene violating all the advice from your guides, I promise to include a disclaimer on your behalf 🙂