Odd Stories

[Seed22]

Hey there fellow Architects!

 

I wanted to share my first story, Odd Stories [Arc ID: 57289] with you all. It acts as a sort of anthology series of some of your weirder adventures that you(rightfully) don't talk about, or only save for Pocket D. It has what I believe to be a wide range of enemy groups, a few of my OC's as allies, a few bits of comedy, and hopefully a good time for you the player!

 

I would appreciate any and all feedback as this is my first arc out in the wild. Please feel free to note any spelling errors or punctuation issues(I sent it through a spell checker in the form of a few playtesters already and they claim that it's fine, but hey, you can never be too sure.).

 

I look forward to reading your reviews!(and maybe I can get some legends of the subforum looking at the arc. That'd be neat :P)

[cranebump]

Well, if you don't mind someone non-legendary doing it, I will give it a run either THU evening or Friday morning. And welcome to the madness!:-)

[Seed22]

10 minutes ago, cranebump said:

Well, if you don't mind someone non-legendary doing it, I will give it a run either THU evening or Friday morning. And welcome to the madness!:-)

But you ARE legendary :D.

 

And thanks! Hope you enjoy it!

[cranebump]

Giving it a run!

Spoiler

Running with my namesake toon, MA/SR Incarnate Scrapper. Not completely tricked out, but fairly durable. AE can be hazardous.:-)

 

First Glance (mish selection screen)

• Usually a wide range of levels isn't the best way to go, BUT you have an anthology. Good job contextualizing the experience. As a player, I have a pretext as to why I'm level hopping so extremely.
• On your desc screen, I'd place [SFMA] in the text, so that users who search specifically for Story-Focused Missions can find it using that search string. It differentiates it from farms.
• As I read the nice intro, I'm thinking, "Is there anything within the mishes that ties them together as part of MY narrative." So, I'm looking for a narrative through-line as I play. Not that you must have one, but having a tie makes your theme hit home a bit more strongly.
• Beyond that, let me applaud you for attempting a collection of stories in a single arc. Not something you see at all, in my AE experience.

MISH 1

• Bookshelf contact: Nice!
• Titles: Advise color coding titles as follows: Title=the name of your arc. Have this on every part. It advertises your story. Sub-titles. Make this the specific mission title. Put both in Sky Blue. Make the Arc Title Bold-face, in large text. The Subtitle can be italics, but I usually just leave it plain. If you like a different color scheme, go for it. Just be consistent. As an example, mish 2 would look kinda like this:
  • Odd Stories
  • 2. Freaks 'N' Dragons
• Avoid exclamations in titles if possible. Or use sparingly. (my advice-there's no rule that says you can't be excited).:-)
• Ah. Rogue Isles. I did not check ethos. Is this a villain arc?
• Light, humorous tone established. So I know this is intended to be a light arc.
• Blak Star's bio says he should be spewing racist rant. But nothing popped in dialogue. My question here is, why is he with a Luddite?
• Spelling: "affront" (2 f's). 
• Shift rewards=:-) 
• Still not sure why Luddites. And I almost feel like the whole arc should be about the plushies.:-)
• Pretty straightforward, mainly because this map has so few things you can put on it. The ambush spawn (I think that's what it was?) put me in hot water pretty quick. Insps and I whacked 'em down.
• Outro text admits the wtf was that? nature of the Luddites and Star working together. And the "grave damage" to Aeon's infrastructure. (heh)

MISH 2

• Intro: Spacing issue here, between professional and the )(and that's pretty funny):-)
• Spelling:  occurrence (yours has an 'a' instead of an 'e').
• FYI: I'm a huge TTRPG player, who started with DnD Red Box back in '78.  I'm sure I'm not alone in that around here, however (save, possibly, for the ancient times in which my conversion occurred).:-)
• Ooh! I HOPE I got the old school dice where you had to use a crayon to color in the numbers! (actually, no...I don't wish that...that was just dumb...):-)
• Okay, sh*t just got serious here, my friend:
• 
• Oh, my...
• Btw: I HATE Freaks. Just hate them....I blame you for this 🙂
• Arachnos? Wtf? 
• Jubilent reads as L50. And here i was worried she was gonna get killed. Derrrrr.
• Okay so I busted up a DnD session. Actually a convention. I'm wondering what My settings are suddenly. (man, I need to inspect some things before I dive in, right?)
• Heh. Failed stealth check. And here I was actually running Stealth.:-)
• Enjoyed the DnD references. Sidenote: I haven't played straight DnD in over a dozen years. Been doing Dungeon World, since I don't have to do the prep I'd do with DnD. Yep. Lazy DM. Good campaign so far though! Working on our 3rd year in the same story. Someday...it may end...):-)
• Outro text. Robin Hood is a proper name, so I think you have to caps it, even when using it as an adjective.
• Clue correction: 
• The word you want up there is "glean."

MISH 3

• Okay, so I FINALLY figured out that, yes, I am a gd villain. Very well, then. Crane is GOIN' ROGUE! (-ish...he still has good manners and bathes regularly).
• Bit of a small thing here:  And/or. You need the slash here. I never heard "scamp out," but, hey, Shakespeare made stuff up, so, go head-on vigorous bent! (see? I just made that sh*t up, as well!):-)
• "Music Box"=nice touch. I killed that sucker, pronto!
• Mercury Drop is also a L50. An EB. I feel like I can just lead her to the perps and watch. In fact, I'm going to do just that. Oh, wait...I'm L50, too.  Heh...oookay...
• Then again:
• 
• You go, MD...
• FYI: Crey wiped out most of the 2nd area. By the time I got there, they were just having a coffee break. Bastards...
• Progression to Blight bosses on L2=Nice. I LIKE that.
• \
• Nice touch. She literally beat them into the ground.
• Had a nice tussle with the boss while MD cleared the adds at entrance to the last room. Nice use of FF map. I beelined to end after getting down to last obj.
• FYI: Your objectives are clear and easy to follow. You'd think this'd be the default on mishes, but sometimes? Not so much.

MISH 4:

• Personal peeve: no semi-colons. I mean, technically, it's fine. But I agree with Vonnegut's assessment (look it up-it's typical Vonnegut).
• FYI: Since AE places commas after objectives, it's best not to put any end punctuation after them. Otherwise, you get this effect:
• 
• Period then comma. Just a tip. It makes your list cleaner.
• FYI: Your clues are spawning perfectly in scrolling order. THAT, too, is something you'd think be SOP. Having failed this myself even to this day, kudos.

FINALE:

• Spacing issue with ()'s again: 
• DE that say "bruh..." Priceless.
• TIP: Change the escorts to simple rescues, esp on a multi-level map. Player preference usu tilts toward that, esp. if there are multiples (3 on this mish).
• That said: it was only 1 escort and close to entrance, so it was okay. Still, if her main purpose is to drop the clue, have her feed me that, then run off, unless you're wanting me to face ambushes or a gauntlet on the way out. Players like to save time. Worked out, though!
• Clean mish! Esp for such a big map.

 

OVERALL: 

• Great first effort. You avoided pretty much all of the mechanical pitfalls that usually pop up in an inaugural arc.
• Maintains comedic tone all the way through, which allows you to get away with anything that seems nonsensical. 
• Clean. Minor issues with typos and such. That's a biggy.
• I went with 4/5 only because I'd like to see something that ties this all together. Personal pref only.
• I ran mostly at L50. I'll have to check the ranges again to see if I read them correctly early on.
• I'd say you have the chops to put out some great stuff from here on out. My suggestion next time is to tackle a narrative. This anthology feels a but like Tip Mishes, which I've personally never tried. Kudos for that, because it does work in that context.
• So, strong sense of mechanics, placement, fair and balanced objectives. All the mechanics are just really, really good. My early stuff was just a gd mess. This is much better than anything I did early on. Much respect.

Looking forward to more!

Crane

 

[Seed22]

On 9/27/2023 at 5:22 PM, cranebump said:

Giving it a run!

  Hide contents

Running with my namesake toon, MA/SR Incarnate Scrapper. Not completely tricked out, but fairly durable. AE can be hazardous.:-)

 

First Glance (mish selection screen)

• Usually a wide range of levels isn't the best way to go, BUT you have an anthology. Good job contextualizing the experience. As a player, I have a pretext as to why I'm level hopping so extremely.
• On your desc screen, I'd place [SFMA] in the text, so that users who search specifically for Story-Focused Missions can find it using that search string. It differentiates it from farms.
• As I read the nice intro, I'm thinking, "Is there anything within the mishes that ties them together as part of MY narrative." So, I'm looking for a narrative through-line as I play. Not that you must have one, but having a tie makes your theme hit home a bit more strongly.
• Beyond that, let me applaud you for attempting a collection of stories in a single arc. Not something you see at all, in my AE experience.

MISH 1

• Bookshelf contact: Nice!
• Titles: Advise color coding titles as follows: Title=the name of your arc. Have this on every part. It advertises your story. Sub-titles. Make this the specific mission title. Put both in Sky Blue. Make the Arc Title Bold-face, in large text. The Subtitle can be italics, but I usually just leave it plain. If you like a different color scheme, go for it. Just be consistent. As an example, mish 2 would look kinda like this:
  • Odd Stories
  • 2. Freaks 'N' Dragons
• Avoid exclamations in titles if possible. Or use sparingly. (my advice-there's no rule that says you can't be excited).:-)
• Ah. Rogue Isles. I did not check ethos. Is this a villain arc?
• Light, humorous tone established. So I know this is intended to be a light arc.
• Blak Star's bio says he should be spewing racist rant. But nothing popped in dialogue. My question here is, why is he with a Luddite?
• Spelling: "affront" (2 f's). 
• Shift rewards=:-) 
• Still not sure why Luddites. And I almost feel like the whole arc should be about the plushies.:-)
• Pretty straightforward, mainly because this map has so few things you can put on it. The ambush spawn (I think that's what it was?) put me in hot water pretty quick. Insps and I whacked 'em down.
• Outro text admits the wtf was that? nature of the Luddites and Star working together. And the "grave damage" to Aeon's infrastructure. (heh)

MISH 2

• Intro: Spacing issue here, between professional and the )(and that's pretty funny):-)
• Spelling:  occurrence (yours has an 'a' instead of an 'e').
• FYI: I'm a huge TTRPG player, who started with DnD Red Box back in '78.  I'm sure I'm not alone in that around here, however (save, possibly, for the ancient times in which my conversion occurred).:-)
• Ooh! I HOPE I got the old school dice where you had to use a crayon to color in the numbers! (actually, no...I don't wish that...that was just dumb...):-)
• Okay, sh*t just got serious here, my friend:
• 
• Oh, my...
• Btw: I HATE Freaks. Just hate them....I blame you for this 🙂
• Arachnos? Wtf? 
• Jubilent reads as L50. And here i was worried she was gonna get killed. Derrrrr.
• Okay so I busted up a DnD session. Actually a convention. I'm wondering what My settings are suddenly. (man, I need to inspect some things before I dive in, right?)
• Heh. Failed stealth check. And here I was actually running Stealth.:-)
• Enjoyed the DnD references. Sidenote: I haven't played straight DnD in over a dozen years. Been doing Dungeon World, since I don't have to do the prep I'd do with DnD. Yep. Lazy DM. Good campaign so far though! Working on our 3rd year in the same story. Someday...it may end...):-)
• Outro text. Robin Hood is a proper name, so I think you have to caps it, even when using it as an adjective.
• Clue correction: 
• The word you want up there is "glean."

MISH 3

• Okay, so I FINALLY figured out that, yes, I am a gd villain. Very well, then. Crane is GOIN' ROGUE! (-ish...he still has good manners and bathes regularly).
• Bit of a small thing here:  And/or. You need the slash here. I never heard "scamp out," but, hey, Shakespeare made stuff up, so, go head-on vigorous bent! (see? I just made that sh*t up, as well!):-)
• "Music Box"=nice touch. I killed that sucker, pronto!
• Mercury Drop is also a L50. An EB. I feel like I can just lead her to the perps and watch. In fact, I'm going to do just that. Oh, wait...I'm L50, too.  Heh...oookay...
• Then again:
• 
• You go, MD...
• FYI: Crey wiped out most of the 2nd area. By the time I got there, they were just having a coffee break. Bastards...
• Progression to Blight bosses on L2=Nice. I LIKE that.
• \
• Nice touch. She literally beat them into the ground.
• Had a nice tussle with the boss while MD cleared the adds at entrance to the last room. Nice use of FF map. I beelined to end after getting down to last obj.
• FYI: Your objectives are clear and easy to follow. You'd think this'd be the default on mishes, but sometimes? Not so much.

MISH 4:

• Personal peeve: no semi-colons. I mean, technically, it's fine. But I agree with Vonnegut's assessment (look it up-it's typical Vonnegut).
• FYI: Since AE places commas after objectives, it's best not to put any end punctuation after them. Otherwise, you get this effect:
• 
• Period then comma. Just a tip. It makes your list cleaner.
• FYI: Your clues are spawning perfectly in scrolling order. THAT, too, is something you'd think be SOP. Having failed this myself even to this day, kudos.

FINALE:

• Spacing issue with ()'s again: 
• DE that say "bruh..." Priceless.
• TIP: Change the escorts to simple rescues, esp on a multi-level map. Player preference usu tilts toward that, esp. if there are multiples (3 on this mish).
• That said: it was only 1 escort and close to entrance, so it was okay. Still, if her main purpose is to drop the clue, have her feed me that, then run off, unless you're wanting me to face ambushes or a gauntlet on the way out. Players like to save time. Worked out, though!
• Clean mish! Esp for such a big map.

 

OVERALL: 

• Great first effort. You avoided pretty much all of the mechanical pitfalls that usually pop up in an inaugural arc.
• Maintains comedic tone all the way through, which allows you to get away with anything that seems nonsensical. 
• Clean. Minor issues with typos and such. That's a biggy.
• I went with 4/5 only because I'd like to see something that ties this all together. Personal pref only.
• I ran mostly at L50. I'll have to check the ranges again to see if I read them correctly early on.
• I'd say you have the chops to put out some great stuff from here on out. My suggestion next time is to tackle a narrative. This anthology feels a but like Tip Mishes, which I've personally never tried. Kudos for that, because it does work in that context.
• So, strong sense of mechanics, placement, fair and balanced objectives. All the mechanics are just really, really good. My early stuff was just a gd mess. This is much better than anything I did early on. Much respect.

Looking forward to more!

Crane

 

I greatly appreciate you taking time to play the arc and I'm glad you enjoyed it!

 

I'll be taking your notes into consideration for my future arcs that I have planned. As far as a narrative goes, I'm workshopping a TV series in the form of AE arcs (I'm terrible at writing scripts, but maybe using AE will help :P). It's my hope that maybe by the end of the year, if not earlier, I can have a two episode premiere for you to play through. Once again, thanks for playing and I can't wait to bring even better material to you and everyone here in the hopefully near future!

[cranebump]

Nice! I've used some of my AE stories as the basis for short stories in the super hero novel I'm working on. And it was in fact doing AE that got me to thinking I could go long form. I've self-published some plays (and had some of them performed in various locales), but something sustained like a novel always felt super heavy. I ended up with a narrative throughline that ties the various stories together so that the whole thing suits my style. I think that's key. Stick to your style. And don't talk your way out of doing anything. I've had lots of students over the decades who wanted to be writers (or at least expressed an interest in it), many of whom thought it wasn't worth it because they didn't have anything "unique" to say. I always told (and still tell) them that the minute they put the words down, it IS unique, because no one is going to tell the story quite like you do. And we continue to tell ourselves the same types of stories anyway, so don't worry about that. 

 

Anyhoo, best of luck with all that. Just keep chipping away and the rock will eventually split. It's not magic. It's just effort and belief.

[Seed22]

My biggest concern I'd say is going longform and having an actually interesting story. I'm still going to give it my best shot, but that's what held me back thus far. I may ask here in the future about some ideas I have (hopefully without giving away major story beats), like so: Would you happen to have any mobster names? I need a few for the bosses in this arc and I'm drawing a blank.

[cranebump]

I'd look up actual mobster names and hodgepodge them. Or crib the Godfather. Corleone. Andolini. Tessio. Clemenza.