The Coming Storm: Menders' Game [ID 69684] [Herioc]

[Ankylosaur]

So after a few years hiatus, I started working on an update to a story I pulled down ages ago: 

 

 

I always liked the bones of it, but there were a few things lacking to me. 

1. I wanted to use "space" maps and aliens, but that meant two very similar asteroids, and no spaceships at the time.
2. I wanted to use both Shivan types, but that meant some level changes, and the reasons were thin.
3. I wanted to use "new stuff," like maps, and powers, and those are not new anymore - e.g. a Khalisti office is hardly novel and was a bit shoehorned in fit the space alien theme. 
4. I did not give great motivation to the player - some of the missions were sort of handed out, without a player really discovering the reason to pursue the next one on their own.
5. I tried to follow the AMA Lore too much, even though it did not work super well and the finale kind of sprung a bit out of nowhere
6. I later realized, in any telling of the Shivans/Battalion, Dillo should probably play a role. 

 

So, now, I give you a massively rebuilt arc, much on the original theme, but bigger, better (I hope), and more powerful than before.

The Coming Storm: Menders' Game. Arc ID 69684

I am sure there are some typos in there, there always are, and I will be running through it all several more times to try to find them all while it is still marked Looking for Feedback. And I am! So please feel free to share feedback, and please be generous with stars in its early days. I will try to incorporate all the feedback I receive to make it the best it can be.

Edited October 20 by Ankylosaur

[Ankylosaur]

Going to put in some design notes here soon - spoilers though, and it all kind of presumes you played it before or read the thread linked above..

 

It all began with the new Rikti Space Station map. I figured it would make a great replacement for M5. But as soon as I started to tinker a little, I realized I wanted to tinker a lot to address some of the above...

Spoiler

 

• The Battalion - I always liked their look, but their powersets now seemed unexciting, so I updated those to newer ones for a couple of them. They also needed more diversity, since th Battalion conquers multiple races. So each power set is tied to a different race, and I tied their color schemes to their tiers to help distinguish them a bit. All green being minions, blur chest and pants LTs, and Pink for Bosses, with some purple for some special folk.
• Dillo - since his whole story involves coming here to help us fight Shivans, having him involved seemed a big oversight. I had thought of just adding him to the Vanguard bit, but, in the end did much more.
• Shiva, Shivans, & Battalion Connection - Was never clear on what this connection was, or why there are two types of Shivans, so I came up with my own justification for that. Also fixed the issues in M1 that totally blocked @LordRassilon from running it the one time he tried.
• The Shining Stars & Hearts of Darkness - If Dillo was going to be involved, I figured the rest of the Shining Stars could possibly be too. Long ago, I had started on an arc featuring these groups. Basic story idea was that Dr. Graves was investigating the Shivans as a way to extend his life in a different way, and over the course of several missions, you other hearts would join him and the stars would investigate him. With the nice Skulls superadine maps, I was going to have him bring radioactive powers to the Skulls, and this was going to maybe span a couple of arcs and travel across the pvp zones for fun. Anyway - the skulls thing just felt a bit like a retread and I dropped it all. However, it became a tidy backstory for a whole mission here now, and a way to bring in Dillo.
• Story Progression - So now, Proton, of the Shining Stars and who works in Atlas City Hall, and has radioactive powers, survived the meteor crash, while on the way to join the Shining Stars. That gives us a tiny bit more continuity through known heroes while the whole Battalion attack starts. Joining up with Proton and the Stars in M2, which uses a new map for me, in a way that was inspired from a @Take One story, is a way to bring in Dillo naturally. In the story I never made, it was Zephyr that I had the hardest time fitting in, and now his role was easy. So M2 becomes a big explore mission of easter eggs about what happened to some of the Hearts of Darkness, and a chance to partner with the Shining Stars.
• Vanguard - got a healthy infusion of the regulars repesenting, and the base does a nice little animation as your allies board the ships for the assault. I also had Gaussian play a bigger role. 
• New Maps - the new map in M2 was fun to leverage, and the Rikti Ship was a bit it of nightmare. 🙂 Hopefully it gets a little easier after the Page 3 fix, but I have worked around it as best I can today, with a complex set of instructions that hopefully work.
• And More - and there is much more in the little deatils. In making it a bit more involved, its quite possible things are more complicated, but hopefully not too complicated - we'll see how it lands. 

 

•  

 

 

Edited October 20 by Ankylosaur

[ZamuelNow]

In the broad strokes, I think the arc ends better than it starts.  The first two missions don't feel that focused but it feels like it starts tying together with the third arc and it's non combat status.  A lot of this is both the first draft nature and outdoor maps with random placement.  It also feels like it's two different arcs combined.  The arc utilizes a reveal that I'm actually glad Paragon didn't get use but went about it in what might as well be the best way to utilize it.

 

I think a special note should be made on the difficulty.  I play on +0x2 and there was a bit of over aggro in the second mission particularly.  I think there's a custom with higher than normal perception.  The customs work well on a visual level but felt overtuned for level 35.  Regular Shivans seemed to be showing up in all boss spawns (I forget if Shivans do that naturally).

 

The other note is on tone.  The dialogue of Dark Watcher seems too...friendly? Not sure I can place the word but he's usually more firm than he seemed here.  He felt off but only subtly so since he didn't seem wildly out of character otherwise.

 

On to the more nitpicky typo and grammar quirks: 

 

Spoiler

Contact doesn't have a bio though we know who Dark Watcher is.  Might need to copy/paste or transcribe the bio into the AE interface.

 

Mission 1 Intro
We believe they may be behind the Shivan attacks where Arachnos lost Bloody Bay Paragon City lost Galaxy City.
--"Bloody Bay and Paragon City"

 

"Simem" and "Simmem" gets alternated between here and elsewhere in the arc.  I'm guessing only one is right.

 

Mission 2 

 

Capt. Jix bio
The Captain of the downed ship, he hopefully has some intel on him.
--This seems a bit short and dry.  A possible suggestion is to add a short description of the enemy group (like you do with some of the other enemies) and then add the current sentence as a descriptor in a new sentence or paragraph.

 

Capt. Jix Slate clue
You found a slate on Commander Jix that looked like some sort of advanced tablet. You keep it, hoping it can be decrypted and yeild intel about The Battalion's plans.
--"yield"

 

Mission 3 Intro

Based on what Dillo said, it sounds like will head to the Vanguard base to join some sort of counter-strike.
--"we will"

 

Good luck, $name. I suspect you'll cn into future me, and I can't wait to hear what I say.
--Assuming a different word.

 

Jix's Slate Decrypted
Among other things, it holds a shield harmonics algorhythm that will enable them to portal Lady Grey, Gaussian and the Dark Watcher through the Battalion's shields.
--"algorithm"

 

Exit popup
Simem

 

Mission 4 Outro

We also need to ready plenty of portals to "beam" them to the meteors when needed. > I don't know how you were breathing and surviving in space, but we have some time to prepare heroes for that part of it too.
--Might have a broken bracket somewhere.

 

Mission 5 Intro
Not every mission is titled.  Noticed it here but I don't know if it affected other missions since I did notice the first mission was titled.

 

Outro popup
Exiting the AE, you see the Dark Watcher; his face agog. 
--???

 

 

[Ankylosaur]

That’s great feedback, thank you!

 

Getting the Shivans to spawn at that level does make them all bosses, as they are all EBs really. 
 

That’s a good call out on the Dark Watchers tone. I will take a pas to make it feeel more authentic. I was not as careful with his voice in this rewrite so will try to tighten it up. 
 

M1 and M2 are meant to be investigation/discovery missions where you uncover things to pursue/resolve but by the nature of the surprise attack and urgent response they are meant to set the tone in a “show don’t tell” sort of way. M1 was a map I felt compelled to use for obvious reasons, but there is not much you can do there. M2 on the other hand is really large, and better shows the chaos. I did get a little indulgent with including all the Hearts of Darkness, but as you say it’s M3 where you really form a plan on how to retaliate.
 

I will think about how I can make them feel more purposeful, and part of including the Shining Stars was to ant least bridge them with something that connects them. Also will look for that high perception and tune down some of custom Skull. (I think I over corrected there-everything the map they fought in battles wiped the floor with them.). Likely will boost the low end of the missions to 40 also, or even 45 to accounts for those Shivans. It’s an end game kind of story after all. 

 

As to the typos and other issues, will get on those, and I appreciate you capturing them. Thanks for all the feedback! That’s a lot to go on and to refine. 

Edited Tuesday at 08:28 AM by Ankylosaur