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Overheard In Paragon (Tabby)


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When I saw the legendary Ascendant memorial in-game, I wanted to do a kind tribute.   I had a script I'd previously used to keybind banter among soldier mastermind pets and recently rewrote it in PowerShell and have been testing it out.   It takes a text file and breaks it up into a sequence of lines and keybinds to cycle through the conversation.


I've been paranoid about spamming chat too much, so for the most part, I've only run them in steel canyon near Ascendant when local chat seems totally dead.



  • /em cellphone
  • Hi, it's Tabitha Lachann.  Room 327.
  • I prefer "feliform" rather than catgirl, but yes, that's me.
  • I want to change the label on my mailbox.  
  • It doesn't have my full name, for one. 
  • I understand it's policy to have all lease-signers on it, but Allison Katzoski doesn't live here.  Leave her off and there's plenty of room.
  • Misleading?  You abbreviated it to "Tabby - Alli. Kat."  How is that any better?
  • No. Reversing things won't help.
  • Well, I might as well just greet everyone, "HI, I'M TABBY THE ALLEY CAT"
  • No, that doesn't have a nice ring to it.
  • Yes, it's better than Pizzacat. or Lolcatgirl.  I'm not affiliated with that either.
  • I've seen the memes.
  • And the website.
  • /em facepalm
  • /em cellphone
  • That was deepfaked.
  • /em doublefacepalm
  • /em cellphone
  • That one's real.
  • Look, can you help?  I.. I have a hard enough time being taken seriously looking this ridiculous.  Couldn't we just make this one exception? 
  • Yeah, the memes probably have a lot more to do with it than the name, but I'll take my victories where I can, no matter how small.
  • Small defeats, too?  Classy.   Thanks for your time.
  • /em frustrated
  • /em text



  • /em cellphone
  • Yeah, Tabitha.... Lachaan.  
  • What do you mean, you can't find it?
  • Try Tabby.
  • Yes. that Tabby.  
  • No, I can't help you get a free pizza.  I'm not affiliated with the site.
  • /em waiting
  • /em cellphone
  • (sigh) Figures... can we get that updated?  I prefer Tabitha.
  • No? great.   Whatever. So my normal caseworker's on maternity leave and somehow my community service project got shifted to Venice.
  • Right- Crey's Folly. Someone should update the assignment forms.
  • Yeah. A HAZARD ZONE.   First thing I noticed, too.
  • That was the second thing I noticed.  I work solo.  Who assigned me to this team?
  • Have you even looked at my file? I'm pretty sure I saw "doesn't play well with others" stamped across a bunch o pages.
  • An area of personal growth?  Seriously?  Like working off ten goddamn thousand hours of community service isn't character-building enough?
  • Well, can we at least take baby steps here?  
  • They were feliform.   You might need a new stamp "REALLY doesn't play well with furries" for my file.
  • Yes, I mean catgirls, OK?  Whatever happened to being PC?
  • Ok, Well, 3 ...catgirls..., a foxgirl, and some kind of cat-dragon chimera guy. We weren't sure if he was officially with us or not. He just kept following us around and yiffing.
  • No, of course none of them complained.  They're catgirls.   I was just amazed that they waited until after the patrol before yiffing back.
  • Much.
  • No, because I'm not a catgirl.
  • Not all feliforms are catgirls.  
  • Well, what's the first few things that come to mind when you hear "catgirl?"
  • /em facepalm
  • /em cellphone
  • /em afraid
  • /em cellphone
  • ... I'm a bit amazed "cat tail and ears" didn't make your top 5, but yeah... that's what everyone thinks- accurately, probably, but not all feliforms are that... sociable.
  • Think of catgirls as a subset of feliforms- ones that really like the horizontal hula.
  • Yes, it does seem to be a large subset.  
  • No, you can't just say other feliforms are catgirls with a repressed se... who don't like playing hide the cannoli.
  • Because... for one... that's a fundamental contradiction in terms. like "dry water"
  • No, I don't have issues with it....  I'm just in a public place.
  • Do you have any idea what happens when a catgirl mentions... that... in public?   Crowds form.  
  • Sometimes lines.
  • My point is "feliform" describes physical characteristics whereas "catgirl" is a lifestyle choice with some negative connotations.
  • Yes, there could be biological predispositions, too.  I get that.  I'm not judging.
  • Ok, so "negative connotations" sounds a bit judging.  I'd just like to go down the street without random strangers approaching with pickup lines like, "I'm a pony, ride me."
  • Just before this call, actually.
  • Yeah, he seemed shocked and disappointed that I turned him down.  
  • Well, shattering his worldview sounds a bit extreme.
  • Human.  To be fully honest, I wish people would just see me as a normal human female.  I'm working on that.
  • Yeah, I realize that.  Some creeps are just creeps, but I hope there would at least be fewer people shouting, "WANNA DO THE NASTY?" from across the parking lot.
  • /em afraid
  • /em doublefacepalm
  • /em cellphone
  • I... I said that way too loud.
  • A catgirl just shouted about doing the nasty in a monorail station.  What do you think?
  • YES, feliform, thank you.  
  • /em batlookout
  • /em cellphone
  • I gotta run.   Can I just get assigned another neighborhood and team?   PLEASE? I swear, last time I'll ever ask.
  • White Plains?  Haven't seen that on the subway map.  Can you text me the directions?
  • Ok.  I'll check for it later.  Bye.
  • /cce 2 CCSmokeBomb


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(Besties 1)

  • /em cellphone
  • Hi, Flambeaux.   It's Tabitha.
  • Tabitha Lachann... we both go through the probationary hero program...
  • Yes. Tabby, but I prefer... 
  • ...nevermind.
  • I just hadn't seen you since I got rescheduled.
  • You're not going anymore? 
  • Really?
  • I... I... 
  • That's a big step, isn't it?  I mean isn't this "our last chance to clean the slate and make amends for our past?"
  • I'm pretty sure that was in bold- in RED- across the top of the paperwork.
  • No, I don't want to be a downer.
  • So... uh... new and exciting directions for you... I guess?
  • Really?
  • /em text
  • /em phone
  • Uh, really?
  • /em text
  • /em phone
  • Ah, I found it   It's... it's just like you described.  Kinda.  Mostly.  Well, you know how the news can be...
  • No, I believed you, I just wanted to see the headlines.   Not many of my friends make the paper, particularly like that.
  • Well, yeah.
  • ... I wouldn't go as far as saying besties- I mean, we shared a waiting room in the program and grabbed grub together, but we never did what "best buddies" do- 
  • ...like pajama parties or sneaking into clubs underage or spontaneously dancing in the street or whatever.  I dunno, never had any besties, I just go by what I see on TV.
  • Well, the last time you invited me to a party it got leaked to naughtyneko.com.   I couldn't get anywhere near the place with those stalkers everywhere.
  • No, I'm not blaming you.
  • No, I'm not suggesting that you leaked it to get more people to show up to your party.
  • You said that, not me. 
  • Maybe.
  • Look, um,  I know friends shouldn't let trivial things like this get between them, but I'm really hurting for cash this month.  Any chance you could pay me back?
  • Yeah.  50 would cover everything.
  • Really?
  • So just meet you where?
  • Another party?
  • Kallisti Wharf?
  • No.  that... that's fine.   I can do that.
  • I guess I'll just see you there then.
  • I can't wait either... bestie.
  • bye
  • /em text
  • ok. wait for it...
  • 3
  • 2
  • 1
  • ... and there it is.  New post on naughtyneko.  Tabby attending can't-miss party with bestie Flambeaux in Kallisti Wharf.  
  • Posted by Flamin Hot Ass.
  • /em dustoff
  • No better name for ya, girl.
  • Well, I guess it's another month of ramien.
  • /em text
  • ... a supergroup recruitment drive next week.,,
  • /em hmmm

(Recruitment 1)

  • /em cellphone
  • Hi, I saw your post about a supergroup recruitment event next Tuesday.
  • Is it catered?
  • Is that before or after the recruitment test?
  • No, I just wondered...  Lusca? Probably not good to do that on a full stomach.
  • I gotta doublecheck my schedule, but probably.
  • Bye
  • /em text 
  • Ok, so that's a no for Tuesday, but if I wrangle things right, I can hit the Monday afternoon and evening events. Palm some leftovers to carry me over till Wednesday.
  • Now... weekends... why doesn't anyone schedule anything for the weekends...






Edited by chase
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This one's a bit situational- needing a high perch that's still close enough to the ground to be audible.

(Creative Foraging)
/em binoculars
/em texting
/em cellphone
Yeah, this is Grace at Accounts.  Did someone just place a huge order from City of Gyros on their CreyCorp card?
Samantha Hardy? for her whole team?  Just delivered? 
No, I'm, just doing a quick fraud check fraud check.
One minute
/em plot
/em cellphone
just a moment
/em text
ok, they're gone. Look, Cate, we had ...visitors... here asking about Samantha's project.  
You said it.
Keep this to yourself, please.  Don't let anyone know I'm involved.
Be careful.
/em binoculars.
Wait for i... wow, that's fast.

Look at em run.
I didn't think that many people would FIT in that building.
... and they totally forgot about the Gyro platters.  Such a shame.
/em knuckles
... guess it's time to rescue some Gyros.
/em binoculars
... I did not expect the fire though.
/em grief
... or explosions.
/em afraid
/em text
ok. let's just pretend that never happened.  

Ooo still Donut Day down at the docks.   Shame about that rumored customs raid....

Edited by chase
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  • 3 weeks later

Tabby's getting a bit powerful to keep treating her like a newbie.   I probably won't play this one in-game much, but sharing it here since I had fun writing it.

  • /em cellphone
  • Hi, this is Tabitha Lachann, one of Miriam's transfers while she's out.
  • Last week's community service credits weren't applied to my account.
  • Look under 'Tabby'.
  • /em waiting
  • /em cellphone
  • That's me.
  • What exactly do you mean by 'move to somewhere with a different security level'?  
  • I've been patrolling that neighborhood for months.  I know the place. I know the people!  It's an easy commute!
  • Emma's bakery leaves me all the extra samples every night!
  • Oh, you mean those bullshit tests that were 'purely routine' and 'wouldn't change a thing'.  'Just try your hardest.'  THOSE tests?
  • I'm pretty sure the guy I spoke to left out the 'probably.'
  • So how bad did I blow it?  I just want to be on the record that I wanted to be a records clerk, that this whole patrol thing said this was a hilariously bad id...
  • Really?
  • /em wounded
  • /em cellphone
  • Did you get your equipment checked? because that's... that's just wrong.
  • Well, for starters, I had a teacher in middle school that lost three fingers, and that was only a quarter stick.  I still have all my fingers, and those blasts go off pretty darn close.
  • Ok, I'll give you that.  Could work like a well-tamped shaped charge, I guess.   
  • No. No formal studies, just tons of Mythbuster reruns.
  • But even if they have that kind of force they've got no range!  They're supposed to but I haven't figured that part out yet.  I gotta run up and practically slap someone for it to hit them.
  • That's not a winning strategy. I'm barely 4' tall and weigh in the 70's lbs.  Not exactly linebacker material.
  • Yeah, that's what I do now, I find a bad guy, I sneak up real close, build up a big charge and...
  • /em afraid
  • /em cellphone
  • OhmyGod.  I've... um... It was kinda funny the first time and was really effective... so I've been kinda using a Kancho as my opener.
  • kancho. It's a japanese thing. kinda like a wedgie, but think 'shove' instead of yank.
  • Yeah, except I shove a tightly compressed ball of arcane energy right between the butt cheeks too... right before it expands... Explosively, as we're discussing.
  • WELL AT THE TIME I DIDN'T KNOW I WAS DOING THE EQUIVALENT OF A DYNAMITE ENEMA, DID I?  I just wanted to make sure they weren't going to hit back.
  • OH YEAH it worked.
  • Am I in trouble?  I feel like I should be in trouble.
  • Really? A justifiable use of force?
  • Well, thank you mister caseworker, your job is done.  You've successfully reformed me.  I will never stray from the straight and narrow now that I know that the pyrotechnic proctologist would be justified in using his signature move on me!
  • Too many characters in that name?  REALLY? That's your takeaway from this conversation.
  • Maybe it SHOULDN'T BE justifiable.
  • Well nobody told me.   I didn't know that I was hammering in nitroglycerine suppositories.
  • God, I feel terrible.  Should I... I dunno.  Send flowers to the zig infirmary?  What's the protocol here?
  • I'm gonna throw up.
  • Oh, they did.  It was hilarious.  One moment spewing explicatives at some lady to get her to let go of the purse, the next spewing their lunch, lemme tell ya. Hah!
  • God, I'm a terrible person.
  • I...  I gotta stop doing that.
  • I just don't... what do I do if I don't take them down in one hit anymore?  Do I just wave my hand and say 'I'm not the one you're looking for?' 
  • Some do that?  Really?
  • Well, he's a psychic, that doesn't count.   I'd have better luck pretending they just caught a catgirl getting a little handsy.
  • No, I'm not doing that.
  • Well, I regret saying it.
  • No, I think you're reading that wrong.   You shouldn't be saying 'well, your medical records do say you're remarkably resilient.'  
  • the fact that I HAVE medical records in the two months I've been in town should be proof that I'm not very resilient.'
  • Besides, how do you really quantify resilience. 
  • Oh, they do have that. So what does AAA mean?
  • No. NO. nononono.  
  • First, No, you are not calling it Arcane Anal Assault and second, it is NOT my signature attack.  
  • Well if you just put it in the system, you can remove it. 
  • Finally, I don't care if it's common to rate durability in relation to one's own powers, we will NOT discuss my resilience in terms of the number of ... AAA's... I can take.
  • I don't care if that's how the system works.  CHANGE IT.
  • Then get IT on it. That move is officially retired.  Never use that name again. Ever.
  • I swear, if those records ever get leaked, I'm going full supervillain on city hall- remember that.
  • Well, like you said, too many characters in that name anyway, so I'll take my chances.
  • Just make sure it gets corrected, OK?
  • Ok, so back to the community service credits.  I just need to move on to tougher neighborhoods.  Fine.   Any recommendations?  
  • Mmm...hmm... and Peregrine island?  what's the ferry ride cost? My budget's kinda strained.
  • Free... ok, I can make that work.  Gonna miss Emma's bakery.   Does City Hall still do donut days?
  • She can bite me.  I only went for seconds after everyone had a chance to get one.  
  • Well that's just unreasonable.  Do you want me out fighting crime or waiting around for everyone to claim seconds before I take thirds?
  • Good. So, what are the big threats in Peregrine Island...  
  • /em text
  • /em cellphone
  • ...Nemesis, Rikti, Malta, and Carnival of Shadows...
  • /em text
  • /em cellphone
  • What?  Why would you even say that?  
  • I guarantee that everyone in the office just heard you tell me BY NAME that it's ok to do that butt stuff with Nemesis' Army. Are you trying to INSPIRE fanfic writers?
  • You're making it worse.
  • Just... stop. No more butt stuff. I know what you were trying to say. Nemesis. Robots. Really sophisticated ones, no need to hold back.   That's great. 
  • Ok, so, is there any way to credit me for last week, since it's not really my fault that I wasn't told all this?
  • Well get IT on that too, then. 
  • I'll see you on Donut Day.  Reserve a strawberry-filled one for me if you can.
  • No, the cream gets everywhere.  I don't want a repeat of that meme.
  • Bye.
  • /em frustrated
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  • 11 months later

Sorry to necro here.  Have had very little time to play, but did have time to salvage the bugs out of another Tabby phone call.   Figured keeping it in one thread was better than starting another.

 Tabby will never fully work off her community service debt if she keeps failing to have  a hero certify her patrol times:

  • /em smartphone
  • Hello, Valkyre? It's Tabith... yeah... Tabby.
  • I was wondering if you could sign my FBSA community service report for the week?
  • I know my beat's Brickstown now, but Swan...  I mean- you know... she... she's great but... 
  • Look, at my height I'm basically looking up through her cleavage to make eye contact, and in that getup...
  • /em hides her face in frustration
  • /em facepalm
  • /em smartphone
  • Yes, I realize that I wear even less than that... barely... but thanks for reminding me.
  • No, It's not THAT.  I don't swing that way- not that there's anything wrong with that...
  • /em doublefacepalm
  • /em Mutters something incomprehensible in her hand.
  • /em smartphone
  • Trust me, I know what they say about catgirls' proclivities.  It does not apply here. 
  • Look, I'm just the walking embodiment of practically every body image issue there is, ok?  When compared to her...
  • ...looking as ridiculous as I do... next to her... It's kinda intimidating... hypnotizing... terrifying to be honest.  
  • It's me. OK? That's all.  She's not doing anything wrong. 
  • It's just really,.. awkward.  I would just feel better with someone less... I dunno.. .
  • ...perfect.
  • /em wounded
  • /em realizes her mistake the moment she says it.
  • /em smartphone
  • Not that you're not perfect.  That's not what I was saying- you're very attractive... and when I did the Steel Canyon beat, you were always approachable and helpful...
  • ...No, I'm not hitting on you either.  like I said, doesn't apply here. 
  • /em doublefacepalm
  • /em whispers kill me now to nobody in particular.
  • /em smartphone
  • No, I'm not just in the closet.  I know what they say about catgirls, but maybe some Catgirls can show restraint?
  • No, not like Mynx, well, maybe like Mynx... *whaddayamean like Mynx?*
  • /em grief
  • /em smartphone
  • I said Restraint.  Singular. Not... nevermind.
  • I'll go talk to Luminary.
  • Really?  Positron's made her as a WEDDING gift to the original Luminary?  Man, and I thought my backstory sucked.  
  • I appreciate it, but seriously, it's not an issue.  
  • I'm fine.
  • I just need my community service card signed.
  • That's it.
  • No. Don't talk to her...
  • You don't need to bring this up at tomorrow's Vindicator meeting.  Nothing needs clarified.
  • You guys don't need to change anything. It's fine.  It's just me.
  • ... I appreciate it, but I don't think a "girls' night out" to break the tension is necessary.
  • or a good idea. 
  • I've heard of Pocket D. Not for me.
  • I know catgirls go to Pocket D, too.  I've googled it.
  • No results? Turn off safesearch.
  • Yeah.  
  • See!   
  • That's why I'm staying away.
  • Seriously.
  • Gotta go.
  • Oh- re-enable safesearch before you forget!
  • Bye.
  • /em wounded
  • She's so going to tell the other Vindicators.  I know it.   
  • /em might consider a life of villainy rather than face any Vindicator ever again. 
Edited by chase
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This one hasn't been "performed" yet.  Inspired by a community story arc that had all magic/incarnate characters falling ill, I'd planned on it, but had to leave the game due to RL priorities.  I'd planned to have side-comments of people mentioning her "condition" litter the arc as a bit of comic relief.


  • “Hello?  
  • No, I’m… fine, thanks.”
  • “Yes.”
  • “No new developments to report.  Why?
  • “How the hell am I trending now?”
  • “Ok, I’ll look.  Give me a sec.”
  • /em text
  • /em smartphone
  • The only recent Tabby Tracker upload is me throwing up in Atlas.  Don’t know what the big deal is.  God knows there’s plenty worse shots of me to pick from.  Comments? 
  • 15 pages?  That’s an effing lot for hairball jokes- even for this crowd.  
  • /em text
  • /em smartphone
  • Man, my connection’s slow.  Can you just give me the readers’ digest summary?  I’ve seen some freaky fetishes on that site, but puking is just gross. 
  • I just got too close to a really putrid Vahz corpse and it got to me.   How is that today’s most interesting topic?
  • /em text
  • /em smartphone
  • Wait, I’M PREGNANT?
  • (afraid)
  • “Man, that echoed.  Hope nobody heard that.”
  • “I… I’m totally not pregnant.  No question there.”
  • “Honest”
  • “I’m sure.  Look, Catgirls are known for a lot of things, but parthenogenesis ain’t one of them. 
  • Yes.
  • Really.
  • (frustrated) I would think I’d be the authority on that subject, not the Internet.
  • /em smartphone
  • Why is that so hard to believe?   
  • Whoever suggested that this was morning sickness was just…. Why? Who’d even believe that?
  • /em text
  • (mumbles while reading)… About time?…  no surprise… been eating like she’s feeding a full litter…”
  • /em smartphone Let’s not make this call about that. If it's not labeled in the lunchroom, it’s fair game.  Those are rules.  Crey should know that.   Doesn’t matter that I don’t work there.  Rules are rules.
  • /em text
  • (crack knuckles)
  •  Well, I think it's time to meet Mr… NoPantsInParagon in a dark alley and teach him something about being in hea… I mean, and beat hi… or…  F**k. 
  • /em smartphone
  • You know that’s not what I meant.  I just gotta.
  • (wounded)
  • /em smartphone
  • Tell me someone stopped that madness.  There’s got to be someone sane on the internet.
  • /em text
  • Nope.  Page six. Pregnancy talk.
  • Page 7… speculation on the father.  Seriously?
  • “Quickie with Synapse”  God, that’s original.
  • “nope. Nope. Not a chance.”
  • /em smartphone
  • Who? She… she’s a GIRL!  That’s just… I think someone flunked sex ed.
  • Well, my school was just ‘Wait till you’re married’ so, I guess I can’t criticize much.  I had to get all my questions answered through crappy cybernanny software.”’
  • /em text
  • … did the deed with Gaussian with 20 Vanguard soldiers watching?
  • “I’m not going to be able to look Gaussian in the eye after that fanart.”
  • “No, it’s a figure of speech, I’m very well aware that at my height, it’s not his EYES that are at my level.  Thanks for reminding me.”
  • /em text
  • … did the deed with 20 Vanguard soldiers with Gaussian watching?  “Now we’re just getting silly.  
  • Not that this whole thing isn’t ridiculous.
  • /em smartphone
  • Ok, so 7 pages of that, and now they’ve switched to a betting pool on when I’ll get mom-boobs.   
  • /em text
  • ...And looks like 4 pages of boob talk. 
  • I’m going to have to burn this phone, I think.
  • /em smartphone
  • Issue a statement?  
  • Publicist?  You know my budget!
  • Unless the *publicist* is one of those crazies shouting from a  soapbox with a TV on their head that’ll take payment in free food, he’s outta my price range.  
  • Even then, I probably couldn’t spare the sandwich.  I’ve had ramien like… thirteen days in a row.
  • Breakfast too.   Use coffee instead of water for some extra kick.
  • No, forget it.
  • Its a backwater corner of the net that’s only frequented by pervs and asses.  Who’s really gonna notice? Just keep quiet and it’ll go away, right?
  • Who could possibly care, anyway?
  • Ok, later.
Edited by chase
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