Assault on Warehouse 86 [ID: 63352] Neutral

[Hoboken Hobo]

The local Police Captain has been handed down orders from on high to clear a warehouse out. His hands are tied and resources are stretched out too thin to get it done, thus he's put a call out for heroes to help. That's where you come in...

Details:
Levels 5- 20

Solo Friendly
Custom Characters
Non-Canon Story

Been wanting to make one of these forever, even when I played way back in the day. A buddy got on my case to get this done and so here we are.

This is very much a first attempt, but I would still enjoy input. Thank you in advanced for your help and hope you have fun!

[cranebump]

Ran with an actual L20, an AR/TA blaster with no IO sets. Comments and suggestions in spoilers section, below:

Spoiler

*I'd advise you to construct a full arc before asking for reviews. That way you get story feedback. It's hard to provide much feedback if there isn't much there to being with.

 

*What's here is solidly constructed, albeit very basic. This is a good thing. A basic mission, with few and simple objectives is the best place to start in AE. As is keeping your customs to a minimum early on. Saves you work and time, and avoids balance issues that come when you start fiddling with custom power choices. Overall, this is a very solid mission, with a few minor issues (see below).

 

TWEAKS AND STUFF:

*Color Code your title and sub titles. Since this is a heroic arc, I'd suggest bold-faced Sky Blue for the arc title, and plain sky blue for the sub title. Sets it apart.

 

*Any particular reason why this needs to be set in a completely different universe? Just curious, since we're fighting Outcasts. Why is my character in the "Hobokenverse?"

 

*Sherminator: "You're really starting.." rather than "Your really starting..." Also the dec text about his eyes being empty of empathy is awkward. Simplify it a bit. Something like, "His eyes are as devoid of empathy as his body is devoid of humanity." Or just "His cold, dead, unempathetic mien is accentuated by his inhuman, mechanical appearance." Also: "Time wont stop with me Fleshbag"=should be "won't" and "fleshbag" (since it's not a proper name). Also, I'm not sure what his "mouse" comment was about there (??)

 

*Defeat all: typically not the best objective to use, since players don't like to have to hunt down everything. But I feel like it's okay on this map, since it's fairly open and straighforward. Narratively, we've been asked to clear it, so it makes sense.

 

*End text: "hope she got out of there ok"=should be "okay." They're grammatically interchangeable (or so I've read), but usually "OK" (all caps) is something someone says as an acknowledgement, whereas "okay" tends to be used as a status description. Plus "OK" just looks weird in this context, because it's all caps and just jumps out. 

 

That's about all I could find. You have a good setup on Mish 2, wince the captain kept the hero's info to call on them again. You'll now want to think about story. What's the next step? Are we just carrying the bags for the cops here? Is there a more sinister game afoot? Whatever you decided, keep it clear and simple.

 

And make sure to edit closely.:-)'

 

Good luck,

Crane

 

 

[Hoboken Hobo]

On 7/28/2024 at 9:47 AM, cranebump said:

Ran with an actual L20, an AR/TA blaster with no IO sets. Comments and suggestions in spoilers section, below:

  Hide contents

*I'd advise you to construct a full arc before asking for reviews. That way you get story feedback. It's hard to provide much feedback if there isn't much there to being with.

 

*What's here is solidly constructed, albeit very basic. This is a good thing. A basic mission, with few and simple objectives is the best place to start in AE. As is keeping your customs to a minimum early on. Saves you work and time, and avoids balance issues that come when you start fiddling with custom power choices. Overall, this is a very solid mission, with a few minor issues (see below).

 

TWEAKS AND STUFF:

*Color Code your title and sub titles. Since this is a heroic arc, I'd suggest bold-faced Sky Blue for the arc title, and plain sky blue for the sub title. Sets it apart.

 

*Any particular reason why this needs to be set in a completely different universe? Just curious, since we're fighting Outcasts. Why is my character in the "Hobokenverse?"

 

*Sherminator: "You're really starting.." rather than "Your really starting..." Also the dec text about his eyes being empty of empathy is awkward. Simplify it a bit. Something like, "His eyes are as devoid of empathy as his body is devoid of humanity." Or just "His cold, dead, unempathetic mien is accentuated by his inhuman, mechanical appearance." Also: "Time wont stop with me Fleshbag"=should be "won't" and "fleshbag" (since it's not a proper name). Also, I'm not sure what his "mouse" comment was about there (??)

 

*Defeat all: typically not the best objective to use, since players don't like to have to hunt down everything. But I feel like it's okay on this map, since it's fairly open and straighforward. Narratively, we've been asked to clear it, so it makes sense.

 

*End text: "hope she got out of there ok"=should be "okay." They're grammatically interchangeable (or so I've read), but usually "OK" (all caps) is something someone says as an acknowledgement, whereas "okay" tends to be used as a status description. Plus "OK" just looks weird in this context, because it's all caps and just jumps out. 

 

That's about all I could find. You have a good setup on Mish 2, wince the captain kept the hero's info to call on them again. You'll now want to think about story. What's the next step? Are we just carrying the bags for the cops here? Is there a more sinister game afoot? Whatever you decided, keep it clear and simple.

 

And make sure to edit closely.:-)'

 

Good luck,

Crane

 

 

 

Thanks for the feedback, I really appreciate that you took the time go go through it, I've saved your notes in a Google Doc so I can call back to them later. To answer a few of your questions:

I kept it to one mission because I have a bad habit of quitting something mid-production if I have t0o many cogs in the machine and it's stopped me from making literally anything in the creative gaming space, so it was a self imposed hard limit to make sure I actually got something out there for once.

As for why the Hobokenverse, I didn't know how else to separate that 99% of what I had planned has nothing to do with the main game lore, and the Outcasts were what my sleep deprived brain came up with to keep my custom charas to a bare minimum starting off. Lazy? Yes, but at the time I couldn't come up with something better.

Once again, thank you for the input, I'll take it to heart!

[Kyksie]

Pretty good for a first arc. The writing is well done with only a few small spelling errors, there's clues and an NPC ally with a bio and a lot of dialog. As I'm sure we all know by now I'm not too fond of the 'defeat all enemies' objective, but it fits in with the plot and the map isn't huge. The story is very basic; the contact says the the PD frowns on hiring heroes, when in practice they do it all the time. Overall a good first effort.

Edited August 5 by Kyksie

[High_Beam]

Needs an Ice Cream Truck 🙂