How do you know when a vampire is sick?

[Amp Up]

He'll be coffin!

[Ukase]

I immediately thought of Snarky and assumed the punch line was "When he's not asking for donations". 

[biostem]

3 hours ago, Amp Up said:

He'll be coffin!

When he checks the dip stick and finds he's down a pint...

[ThaOGDreamWeaver]

Story. I was not very well for a bit last year and had to go into hospital and get some bloods done.

 

“Ah, here’s your resulll…whaaa?”

”…what?”

”I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about. Just gonna check with my super.”

”WHAT.”

”Well, we don’t find many patients with blood oxygen that low.”

”Where do you usually find them?”

”Mostly the big fridge in the basement.”

[beat]

”So I’m undead?”

“I guess.”

”Huh. Well, nothing’s falling off, teeth are… fine… OH GOD I’M NOT SPARKLING AM I?”