The Revenge of Prof. Cyclops (looking for feedback)

[d4verman]

This is the first story arc I've finished. It's a red side mission (villain) and should be playable for characters level 20 to 54. Any feedback would be appreciated. 

Arc ID: 54884

[cranebump]

I'll look into sometime this week. First glance, though:

*Why not just set all mishes to 20-54? Then you don't need the disclaimer Best for levels... It'll be baked in.

*Is it supposed to be Justice Seekers? (so, caps needed?)

[d4verman]

1 hour ago, cranebump said:

I'll look into sometime this week. First glance, though:

*Why not just set all mishes to 20-54? Then you don't need the disclaimer Best for levels... It'll be baked in.

*Is it supposed to be Justice Seekers? (so, caps needed?)

Thanks.. I've been cleaning up as many errors like that as I can find, but there's always one I missed!

 

[cranebump]

3 minutes ago, d4verman said:

Thanks.. I've been cleaning up as many errors like that as I can find, but there's always one I missed!

 

I can relate.:-)

[cranebump]

Okay, some notes as I go:

Spoiler

Make your mish titles a color other than white, to set them apart. Suggest sky blue, since the game uses this. But, really, it could be anything. Could even just boldface it. Might also want to number the mishes.

 

NOTE: No need to recap:

This clue is a recap of what I just read. I don't think you need to restate it. A clue should be something that I can chew on, or perhaps in-mish dialogue when you rescue someone, free a boss, and so on. It's also a Mish Begin clue. Some players will fly right by these. I happen to keep my Clues screen open in a sep tab, but not everyone does this. In any case, anything you want me to read should be essential to the mish in some way. I'm not sure a recap of what I'm about to do is really necessary.

 

Good use of highlighted text (red, orange, yellow, etc), to reveal objectives, NPCs, etc. in send off.

 

Good use of patrol dialogue to add flavor

 

NOTE: Present tense works better than past tense.

I'd write your clues in present tense, to promote immediacy. Other than that, this is a nice touch.

 

NOTE: Clue sequencing needs a close look:

Make sure they're in order. You'll need to slide your objectives around in the editor to where they're in the order that the player faces them. I'd suggest numbering them, but if you maintain order throughout the arc, the new clues should appear sequentially one beneath the other.

 

I really like Cyclops's megalomaniac persona. He's such a douche.:-)

 

M2:

Reminer: Colored titles

 

I love that Cyclops device is the penultimate nullifier (hehehehehehe).

 

The "mine...OUR plans" seems like a clue to a later betrayal (we'll see, won't we?):-)

 

NOTE: Minor typo

Capitalize T in That's a big no-no.

 

Your patrol dialogue is excellent.

 

NOTE (pervasive issue): Add search text to all clickies

Don't forget to fill in the searching verbiage for your glowie. The safe was RIGHT next to Falcon. Nice work!

 

NOTE: Nice Customs!

Writeups on your nemeses=well done. I really liked this guy's togs.

 

As with M1, make sure objectives are in order on your mish screen so that your clues spawn sequentially.

 

NOTE: Some of the verbiage appearing in Clues when a boss falls can also be placed in the Boss Defeated text, provided it's 75 words or less. Unless the clue reveals something new, you don't need to announce victory in a clue box for all your adversaries. Just write something like Iron Luchador was tough, but not enough enough! in the Boss Defeat area, and that should do it. Overall, this will keep your clues streamlined and shorten their number, so that players don't have to scan up and down to to read everything.

 

The highlight of this arc for me thus far is Cyclops's monologuing. It's highly entertaining.:-)

 

NOTE: Use popups for to better effect.

Would work better in the mish begin popup, I feel. That's often a good place to deliver color on the journey to the locale. Of course, you may be using a diff popup when I enter, but I'm doing this as I go. 

 

NOTE: I'd save Mish Begin clues for those times when you need to drop something lengthy that cannot be delivered in the usual Popups and Clues, or when you want to give a "dossier" on something related to the arc. See @Darmian's arcs for some great examples of how to use this effectively.

 

NOTE: Little typo

Capitalization error (They aren't).

 

NOTE: Search text again

Search verbiage missing.

 

GOOD CLUE

Good clue example. Provided it comes back in some way later on.

 

M4:

GOOD CLUE

Good clue example. Explains how I got in.

 

Well...I was not expecting BUZZARD to turn on me.:-) Nice twist.

 

NOTE: Place Boss Info in Boss Desc.

Work best in your Boss Desc text. The player can click on the info portion to get the skinny on the character. Again, suggest the You have defeated... using the Defeated text space. It will appear on the mish text in green, rather than putting a box in that you really do not need.

 

Finale:

Well, we knew the betrayal was coming (as Cyc admitted),:-) but the alliance part works well. I look forward to dusting his ass (with, like...really rough dust that makes a rash...)

 

Hehehehehe...I really liked this nugget:

Mooooooo...hehehehehe

 

And the inevitable:

 

Cyc took an alpha strike from my 50 and got a few shots off. Sort of a (welcome) surprise. Could maybe use an ambush though, at this level.

 

Good stuff:

Very cleanly written. Easy to follow. No objective overload. Overall nice glowie placement (save last mish, which had some minimal back and forth)

Doc Cyclops is just funny. I didn't care that his betrayal was predictable. That was part of the run.

Nice customs

Liked the map choices.

Patrol barks are excellent.

Great use of highlighting in mish text to accentuate objectives.

Casual mish that should scale down really well. I ran with my 50, so it was breezy, but you get Freaks/Arachnos together, that could be dicey at lowers.

HUMOR🙂

 

To fix:

Cut down on the clues (see all the stuff above). Most are just recaps of what you've just done.

Add verbiage to searching bar.

Another check for typos, but really, those were minimal.

 

VERDICT: I enjoyed the arc! And that's job #1. Well done!

Edited March 31 by cranebump

[d4verman]

14 minutes ago, cranebump said:

Okay, some notes as I go:

  Hide contents

Make your mish titles a color other than white, to set them apart. Suggest sky blue, since the game uses this. But, really, it could be anything. Could even just boldface it. Might also want to number the mishes.

 

NOTE: No need to recap:

This clue is a recap of what I just read. I don't think you need to restate it. A clue should be something that I can chew on, or perhaps in-mish dialogue when you rescue someone, free a boss, and so on. It's also a Mish Begin clue. Some players will fly right by these. I happen to keep my Clues screen open in a sep tab, but not everyone does this. In any case, anything you want me to read should be essential to the mish in some way. I'm not sure a recap of what I'm about to do is really necessary.

 

Good use of highlighted text (red, orange, yellow, etc), to reveal objectives, NPCs, etc. in send off.

 

Good use of patrol dialogue to add flavor

 

NOTE: Present tense works better than past tense.

I'd write your clues in present tense, to promote immediacy. Other than that, this is a nice touch.

 

NOTE: Clue sequencing needs a close look:

Make sure they're in order. You'll need to slide your objectives around in the editor to where they're in the order that the player faces them. I'd suggest numbering them, but if you maintain order throughout the arc, the new clues should appear sequentially one beneath the other.

 

I really like Cyclops's megalomaniac persona. He's such a douche.:-)

 

M2:

Reminer: Colored titles

 

I love that Cyclops device is the penultimate nullifier (hehehehehehe).

 

The "mine...OUR plans" seems like a clue to a later betrayal (we'll see, won't we?):-)

 

NOTE: Minor typo

Capitalize T in That's a big no-no.

 

Your patrol dialogue is excellent.

 

NOTE (pervasive issue): Add search text to all clickies

Don't forget to fill in the searching verbiage for your glowie. The safe was RIGHT next to Falcon. Nice work!

 

NOTE: Nice Customs!

Writeups on your nemeses=well done. I really liked this guy's togs.

 

As with M1, make sure objectives are in order on your mish screen so that your clues spawn sequentially.

 

NOTE: Some of the verbiage appearing in Clues when a boss falls can also be placed in the Boss Defeated text, provided it's 75 words or less. Unless the clue reveals something new, you don't need to announce victory in a clue box for all your adversaries. Just write something like Iron Luchador was tough, but not enough enough! in the Boss Defeat area, and that should do it. Overall, this will keep your clues streamlined and shorten their number, so that players don't have to scan up and down to to read everything.

 

The highlight of this arc for me thus far is Cyclops's monologuing. It's highly entertaining.:-)

 

NOTE: Use popups for to better effect.

Would work better in the mish begin popup, I feel. That's often a good place to deliver color on the journey to the locale. Of course, you may be using a diff popup when I enter, but I'm doing this as I go. 

 

NOTE: I'd save Mish Begin clues for those times when you need to drop something lengthy that cannot be delivered in the usual Popups and Clues, or when you want to give a "dossier" on something related to the arc. See @Darmian's arcs for some great examples of how to use this effectively.

 

NOTE: Little typo

Capitalization error (They aren't).

 

NOTE: Search text again

Search verbiage missing.

 

GOOD CLUE

Good clue example. Provided it comes back in some way later on.

 

M4:

GOOD CLUE

Good clue example. Explains how I got in.

 

Well...I was not expecting BUZZARD to turn on me.:-) Nice twist.

 

NOTE: Place Boss Info in Boss Desc.

Work best in your Boss Desc text. The player can click on the info portion to get the skinny on the character. Again, suggest the You have defeated... using the Defeated text space. It will appear on the mish text in green, rather than putting a box in that you really do not need.

 

Finale:

Well, we knew the betrayal was coming (as Cyc admitted),:-) but the alliance part works well. I look forward to dusting his ass (with, like...really rough dust that makes a rash...)

 

Hehehehehe...I really liked this nugget:

Mooooooo...hehehehehe

 

And the inevitable:

 

Cyc took an alpha strike from my 50 and got a few shots off. Sort of a (welcome) surprise. Could maybe use an ambush though, at this level.

 

Good stuff:

Very cleanly written. Easy to follow. No objective overload. Overall nice glowie placement (save last mish, which had some minimal back and forth)

Doc Cyclops is just funny. I didn't care that his betrayal was predictable. That was part of the run.

Nice customs

Liked the map choices.

Patrol barks are excellent.

Great use of highlighting in mish text to accentuate objectives.

Casual mish that should scale down really well. I ran with my 50, so it was breezy, but you get Freaks/Arachnos together, that could be dicey at lowers.

HUMOR🙂

 

To fix:

Cut down on the clues (see all the stuff above). Most are just recaps of what you've just done.

Add verbiage to searching bar.

Another check for typos, but really, those were minimal.

 

VERDICT: I enjoyed the arc! And that's job #1. Well done!

Thanks for the feedback and tips. I'll try to fix the things you suggested later on tonight. I hope you enjoyed it though. I had fun making it. 

 

[d4verman]

BTW, I'm glad you caught the "Moooo". I really hoped it would be seen. 

 

And the Penultimate Nullifier. The Neutron Flow bit was a wave to old school Doctor Who. 

[d4verman]

UPDATE: thanks for the Feedback, Cranebump. I've updated the mission with your suggestions! I admit I was totally unaware that you could drag and drop the order of clues until you mentioned it!

[cranebump]

Live and learn. I only know about it because, of course, I made the same minor mistakes. (and plenty of major ones!) 🙂

Edited April 4 by cranebump