ThaOGDreamWeaver

I have a confession to make. During my (brief/traumatic) stay in Whollyodd, I worked on one: Dark Tide. That was on some promo stuff when they were scrabbling to find distro, so the only way I could have helped would be to burn the negatives and wipe the edit drives. Yes, that bad. I had a flick through the script with a friend and guessed how early one character would get fridged: they didn’t even make it to page twelve. It’s still not the worst one that particular producer put their name to, but they managed to get it out for the public and critics to see. With Netflix and Amazon hungry for endless supplies of content, a lot more crimes against the gods of celluloid are lurking in the dankest recesses of your streaming portals. BEWARE. BEWAAAARRREEE [dramatic chords: wanders off making woooOooOoo noises]

It's... an experience.

This worries me about Marvel. It looks like with the drive to deliver ever bigger tentpole movies for the Mouse, they've lost the ability to take the big gambles on new or relatively mid-level stars they did in the early days, as well as more adventurous scripts telling new kinds of stories. Loki aside, the whole dang Kang thang was a bust. And if you feel that's a controversial statement: rewind your mind a little. If you told an exec that you wanted RDJ not just in your movie but to hold down a franchise in 2007... ...they'd have had you sedated and carted off to the Betty Ford to dry out. Even though he was well into recovery at that point and had some good creds: when you've woken up in a baby's crib of a house you don't own, too drunk to remember how you got there or whose clothes you're wearing, people remember that kind of stuff. And worry you're not going to turn up at call time. Or worry what you'll do if you do turn up.

Just in case you wanted to know... yes, there are zero-rated movies. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_films_with_a_0%_rating_on_Rotten_Tomatoes

Spoiler ahoy:

And on to Episode 3…

So four kids walk into a starport…

So, happy to report from Ep1 that Skeleton Crew is everything it's cracked up to be so far. And it is very much for kids (of all ages), so if you want SRS SPACE WIZARD ADVENTURES TO BE SRS... actually, maybe stick around. Kids' stories, when you write them well, can have levels. Lots of levels. You can do things subtly in the background. And if you can deal with the kids' story upfront, I think this is gonna get good. ☠️AHOY THARR, HERE BE SPOILERS!☠️ For a large chunk of this ep, both the nerd and 80s kid in me was giggling like a maniac - and groaning with remembered embarrassment at a couple of things too. The kids interact well and aren't irritating - well, Wim is just irritating enough to drive the plot: and it helps take the edge off that Fern is authentically mean and cynical. I like her already. Also, while this is a setup episode, it doesn't drag like Andor or even Mando. There's just enough worldbuilding to let us know what we need to. The trailer might have confused some people, and having the kids start in intergalactic Scranton / Slough / Toronto / Leopardstown (delete as applicable) might seem odd for Star Wars. But that familiarity gives you all the backstory info you need without chewing plot time. They've pulled off a great opening, but they need to stick that first landing next - four confused and scared kids an awfully long way from home, in a ship with a mind of its own (and a possibly hostile droid.) Let's see where we go next... CAPN'S LOG: SUPPLEMENTAL Just had a bit of an ohhh s*****t moment.

It's also its fourth scheduled release date. Eesh. Projections are $13-$15m for the opening weekend, or around half of what Wicked took in its 3rd week on release. That would be a decent OW for a low-budget horror or an indie comedy, but for a $130m wide-release studio flick... not great.

Half Man Half Biscuit - It’s Clichéd To Be Cynical At Christmas

Zombie Claus - Psychostick

Aldo Nova - Fantasy

Haven’t had time yet and will catch up on the weekend, but I’m seeing good reactions on the socials. Apparently it delivers on the Goonies/ET/Richard Donner vibes by the bucketload, there’s a half-decent plotline, and the kids even aren’t terminally irritating. (I will need to validate that last one personally.) Critics (FWIW) are very positive, but I think the nicest comment about I’ve read went something like this. These kids have grown up on a regular, safe world. But they love tales of the Jedi, dream of space battles, wonder if one day they’d get out among the stars. They’re us. They’re our avatars going out into the SW galaxy. Just like we did every time we played SW arcade or built X-wings in Lego, or tried to wrap our hair into headphones. And that is a neat trick to pull.

The Ballad of Rudolph - Travis Denning

Soul Santa - Brook Benton

"Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please." -- definitely Mark Twain (as interviewed by Rudyard Kipling)

Heh. It is one of my favourite pub quiz maths questions. If you totalled all the items my true love gave to me in the song... There is a song that plagues Brits far worse. Do any other countries play Whamageddon? It's a survival game that involves doing anything and everything to avoid hearing Last Christmas by Wham, whereupon you will be sent to Whamhalla. (Covers and remixes are fine: deliberately trapping your mates using Alexa, playlists, radio requests etc commits you to Whamhell. Double-Whamhell if you're a DJ.)

Blessed Yule, y'all. And for everyone else... sing along.

Yes, I've seen and loved Enchanted (and unfortunately seen the D+ only sequel, the appropriately-titled Disenchanted. Which...was... not... great. The whole bit about "is this movie necessary" very much applies to sequels). Amy Adams is awesome and what a breakthrough movie. McDreamy somehow doesn't project his usual charisma as her urban handsome prince, but James, Tim, Idina and Susan knock it out of the park. It's also stuffed with Disney in-jokes. Really nerdy one below... I don't think they'd have had a crack at this kind of script without Lilo & Stitch and its parody trailers going first. And Disney certainly seems a touch less po-faced about their image since.

My partner turned down the idea of Red One for the niecelets, but is currently enjoying "A Very Corgi Christmas" without a hint of irony. And if it's between that and a Rock movie, the corgi's got more range. But let's be fair: you want the Rock to be the Rock, (including being a miserable, self-entitled PITA on and off set), hire The Rock and frame the movie (or his part of it) around The Rock doing Rock stuff. You want a beefy guy who can do the action actor lunk schtick and unleash a whole bunch of skillsets when needed, not to mention show up and work like a trouper, you get Dave Bautista. Red One didn't have the best first couple of weeks - and having Wicked ($112m opening weekend, $144m so far) and Gladiator II ($55m open, $67m to date) hoovering up the wide bookings across Thanksgiving is NOT going to help a Christmas flick get its legs back. One last fun box office fact: Red One is currently on about the same numbers as this year's other big Christmas-themed release... Terrifier 3. PS / EDIT: what's wrong with a good Hallmark movie?

I'm slightly ambivalent about the Lilo and Stitch do-over for different reasons. It's probably my favourite non-Pixar Disney movie, and proved those guys do have something of a sense of humour. Not to mention someone capturing the sheer joy/terror/shock of catching your first wave in animation. Writer/director Chris Sanders is only back as the voice of Stitch, as he's now contracted to DreamWorks: so I'm hoping the new crew will mess with it a bit and play with some new ideas.

…but how do we know he’s NOT Mel Torme?

Surely I can't be serious? I'm afraid I am. (And don't call me Shirley). As one third of the ZAZ comedy team with David and Jerry Zucker, Jim took aim at terrible genre movies and civilised punctuation with Airplane!, Top Secret!, Hot Shots!, and of course Police Squad! and its big-screen cousin Naked Gun. Exclamation mark abuse was not the only sign of the trio's diseased minds, assaulting theatres with groan-worthy sight gags, vicious puns and the odd exploding chicken. They also delivered some straighter, darker comedy with the classic Ruthless People, and Jim even tried a little Shakespeare adaptation with Big Business. Jim semi-retired in the late 90s, chipping in on various projects like Scary Movie, and was living happily in Santa Monica. He will be missed by family, friends, and anyone who knows a little German, prefers their coffee black, or appreciates good driver discipline.

Stevie Wonder - Boogie On Reggae Woman

...and you thought Colin Farrell was a scary Penguin... Great to see W&G back - on both the BBC and Netflix. Ben Whitehead doing a cracking job impersonating the late, great Peter Sallis, and already some nice punchy gags just in these two minutes. Also: Mack was right. Never, ever trust a robot.