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Heist Soda Presents: The Heist Heist!


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Hey kids, it's The Heistmeister! Remember all the commercials from Heist Soda featuring The Heistmeister as he tried to steal Heister Fizz, Heist Cola, and the universally beloved Orange Heist from all the cool kids? Remember his felonious friends The Six Pack, featuring such beloved characters as the diminutive Diet Heistmeister, the totally tubular Tropical Blueberry Heistmeister, and the brilliant inventions of Dr. Heist? Of course you do. The Heistmeister was everywhere! More staying power than The Noid, better hair than The Slim Jim Guy, and better at stealing soda from cool kids than most cereal mascots are at stealing cereal! Probably because only Heist Soda had the vision to make all of these actors playing criminals register with the FBSA as heroes who fought crime with water pumps refitted to splash torrential waves of ice cold soda!


Was it confusing that these bad guys were pretending to be heroes, while still dressed as high-tech cat burglars? Nope! It's not confusing! YOU'RE confusing!


"Heist Soda: Get away with it!"


But, uh, that was, like, two or three decades ago. Heist Soda and Heister Fizz are still just as popular as ever, but the commercials, well... nineties stuff is either retro or cringe, and the jury's still out on the Heistmeister. But go ten years down the line, and Heist Soda featured a contest... find the Winning Soda Can, walk away with $100,000!!! That's a lotta green! Sounds great, except, uh... that winning soda can was never located...


...but the contest accidentally didn't have any expiration date...


...and The Heistmeister thinks he knows where the Winning Soda Can might've gone missing after all these years!


But when he goes to retrieve them, Deadly Ninjas attack and break his Soda Spray Nozzles, leaving him unable to fight them off and retrieve the Winning Soda Can for the good of the Museum of Soda History! That's where YOU come in!


So grab your favorite flavor of Heist Soda, tune up your Super Sweet Keytar, put a Ring Pop on one hand and a Sock-Em-Bopper on the other as you prepare for this blast from the Nineties in the Architect Entertainment adventure that features


  • The aforementioned Deadly Ninjas!
  • The son of a Tsoo enforcer who just wants to dance, dad!
  • Worrying implications that the old recipe of Heist Soda might've actually been part of a Potent Superfuel that could be deadly in the wrong hands!
  • Absolutely ZERO CLOCKWORK of the sort that you might find in Atlas Park!
  • The semi-controversial return of the exceedingly uncomfortable Crushed Melon Heistmeister!
  • Not one but TWO warehouses!
  • ...and the shocking revelation behind the true reason that the Heist Soda contest never had a winner two decades ago!


All this and more awaits you, brave heroes, in...




Now playing at an Architect Entertainment venue near you!

Arc ID: 57172

Edited by CraterLabs
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Well that was just as much fun as the write-up up above.  Five stars, easily.

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Hi, I'm Clave Dark 5!  You may remember me from such characters as King Pumpkin Spice, Stupid Like A Fox, Capt Sam's Space Zoo, The Pink Bamfer, Trash Ghost, Maid Of Metal... as well as a few really stupid AE arcs!

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That's a fun arc!  Lots of hilarity.


A few notes (including a couple of typos):




  • Mission 1: the text when searching crates confused me a bit.  It says "...but you were interrupted" after searching, but there weren't any interruptions.  Something like, "...but you don't find the can you're looking for" or something like that would make more sense.
  • In the final mission, maybe add individual descriptions to each Heist mascot?  It's be a good opportunity to add some more story and humor.  Surely each mascot has a backstory to share, or at least something to say about them and their role in marketing?  Or their signature soda?  Anyway, lots of potential for fun if you add those descriptions.  (And yes, some of us AE Story Mode Nerds compulsively click the NPC "Info" button.)


  • Intro text: "one-hundred thousand dollars" shouldn't have a hyphen.  Or just use "$100,000," since that's what you use most other places.  Oh, and I got a kick (or, you might say, a JOLT) out of "a tenth of a million dollars" later on.  Just one of the nods to $100k not being the money it once was (although, y'know, if anyone wanted to send that much money to me, I wouldn't turn it down).
  • Mission 3: One of the AU-Brickers says "you pare so well"—I'm assuming that should be "pair."


Again—nicely done!

Edited by Zhym
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