tutorial An Overly Long Post Talking About "Mature Roleplay" (TM)

[McSpazz]

WARNING: THIS POST WILL BE DISCUSSING THE IMPLEMENTATION OF DARK AND OFTEN UNCOMFORTABLE TOPICS IN ROLEPLAY! VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED GOING FORWARD. IF YOU BELIEVE YOU HAVE ANY TRAUMAS THAT COULD BE TRIGGERED BY A BROAD DISCUSSION OF DARK TOPICS, PROCEED WITH CAUTION

 

Okay, now with that out of the way, HI! It's Spazzy again! I've wanted to make a write-up discussing how to handle roleplay tackling more mature and darker themes for a while, but I wanted to get more write-ups under my belt to ensure I could approach it with the respect it deserves. Unlike my other write-ups where I generally try to avoid injecting too much of my personal opinions or provide explicit instructions on the right and wrong ways to roleplay, this one is going to be a little bit different.

 

While I am not going to demand you heed me on this, following what I have written here almost directly ties back to what I believe to be at the very core of any successful roleplay: consent and communication. Unlike most roleplay, a failure in either of those  can not just lead to an unfun experience or drama but can actively lead to someone involved reliving trauma or otherwise have reason to get personally offended. If you agree with my post talking about consent and communication, you should probably agree with the explicit prescriptions I am making here.

As stated at the top, viewer discretion is advised. While I will be holding to the rules of the forums, I will be mentioning topics that can upset all the same. Also, while not all dark and heavy themes will require the extreme level of care mentioned here, I am going to be focused on outlining how to handle far more severe topics as it's generally easy to wind back protections than implement them after the fact. If we're all onboard, let's proceed.

 

 

---

 

Fiction is a great way for writers to explore often horrific concepts in a safe manner. Sometimes it's an exploration of their own trauma or their frustrations with the world. In a roleplay setting, extreme effort should be taken to not just ensure that everyone involved is comfortable with what's happening but also that what you are representing is being done with caution.

 

1. Getting Our Definitions in Order
Before we go forward, we should talk about what we're even talking about in future sections.

 

There are two forms of roleplay we are going to be concerning ourselves with. Mature roleplay (sometimes called MRP) and Dark Roleplay.

Mature roleplay often covers the darker side of the setting the world is in. Topics can include explicit depictions of war, PTSD, trauma, stark depictions of mental illness, etc. To try and illustrate the difference, while a standard roleplay session might include mentions of war or even a depiction of it (ie: battles played out as seen in Star Wars), mature roleplay will hold far fewer punches and not whitewash the experience (ie: the Omaha Beach scene of Saving Private Ryan). While normal roleplay can cover terrible subjects, MRP aims to try and not just give a more realistic depiction but also enable participants to give realistic reactions.

 

Dark Roleplay is a bit harder to define. Not only is it not universally called Dark Roleplay, but it is itself an offshoot of MRP which can lead to confusion. While Mature Roleplay goes into darker subjects and explores potentially traumatic scenarios, Dark Roleplay generally holds no punches, depicts every aspect of a dark topic, and sometimes even relishes in it. The best way, I feel, to underline the difference is from the context of the horror genre. Horror, as a genre, often dives into really dark subjects and is frequently used to explore the darker side of the human experience. However, it's very clear that the movie Child's Play, a story that contains a great deal of violence, heavily differs from the Hostel series which is not just extremely graphic but also almost fixates on the spectacle.

 

2. The Ultimate Points of Caution
No matter if you are doing MRP or Dark RP, if at any point you believe a topic is bound to come up that is known to often tie into IRL trauma or PTSD, you MUST provide a trigger and/or content warning. This is not optional. A blanket trigger warning is better than nothing, but if you know there will be mention of a something that could trigger someone's PTSD, mentioning from the top that it will come up can mean the difference between either someone having the time to ready themselves or just not attending and later on having someone suddenly leave the event or have an episode for everyone to see. If you don't care about upsetting other people, at least recognize that someone becoming upset that they were not warned ahead of time could completely derail an event.

 

There are also some things, mainly things that come up in Dark RP, that you really shouldn't do to begin with. If not because there is nothing to gain from playing them out, because others will perceive you playing them out as a black mark on your character. While the most common form of Dark RP that fits this description would be explicitly playing out a sexual assault, it's not impossible to find other subjects that would be highly suspect to fully play out in a roleplay. More importantly, as far as roleplaying in City of Heroes goes, playing out some of these darker subjects to their bitter end can legitimately be against the ToS and, should it be discovered, could lead to severe penalties.

 

Next, a strong reminder that nobody you roleplay with is your therapist. You should never use roleplaying in an MMO as a form of therapy without a therapist's explicit recommendation and, if you do, everyone involved should be aware that is what is happening. In addition, you should only accept someone's request to help with this form of therapy if you are very confident in your abilities to not just roleplay but also communicate every step of the way. MRP might be a route to go about processing your trauma, but it's not one that should be approached blindly.

 

Also, remember the ToS and Code of Conduct. While the mods are aware of what a roleplayer is and are therefore more understanding of the stuff you post while in character, posting overly mature content in a public area (like Pocket D or your description) or even partaking in extreme content in private (like a base) can still land you in hot water. If you are in doubt on if the story you want to portray is acceptable, consider doing it outside of the game such as in a private discord. You have to get pretty extreme to get punished for what you post in a private setting, but it is still worth considering before proceeding.

 

Lastly, and somewhat tied into the above note, remember that there are children playing this game. Yes, it's an ancient formally defunct MMO that most tweens and teens probably aren't rushing to play, but they do exist. Many people who grew up on City went on to have kids and have been keen to share their love of the game to their own children. If you intend to do roleplay that you would hesitate to do with a stranger's kids, you should pause and make sure everyone is of the appropriate age (whatever that might be). Many groups, regardless of MMO's, will often put a hard requirement of members being at least 18 years old for this reason.

3. Know Why You Are Doing It
While injecting tough subjects into roleplay can make them far more poignant, it can also come off as a very weak attempt to try and make your story feel more important with little purpose. Edgy for the sake of edgy is generally just going to get you eye rolls.

 

So, when using dark subjects for your character, there are two things you should consider. The first is figuring out how it impacts your character and why that dark subject in particular cannot be accomplished by another method. For example, if you wanted to explore a character that has PTSD in general, you don't have to make them the victim of excessive torture to get that result. In contrast, if you wanted to have a character that specifically explored the consequences of using torture, it would be more appropriate.

 

The reason why you should only utilize these dark themes when they serve a purpose is because, more often than not, these dark elements do not exist within a vacuum. There are people who have survived war, have been violently assaulted, struggle with abuse, etc. They aren't just a stat modifier or a fun fact. It's something real people have gone through.

 

That's not to say you can't use these traits and identities. If you are going to do it, you should do it with intent and purpose.

 

4. How to Prepare It
To start, the standards apply. Research, research, research! Just like any other character, if you aren't personally familiar with some trait your character has, you should research it! It goes a bit deeper than just having a general understanding of a topic like you might normally settle on.

 

If you are going to go into darker territory, however, figuring out explicitly how this impacts your character, how they feel about it, and how it has shaped them ahead of time can prevent things getting messy in the future. For example, a character who was forcibly mutated against their will and suffers PTSD as a result could easily have pretty heavy associations to sexual assault. If you are intending to have that implication, spending some time to consider the implications and consequences on your character can help ensure that anyone interacting with your character who have personally experienced SA don't feel as if their own experience has been cheapened.

 

You should also consider who you plan on making your audience. The darker the subject and the more explicit you are going to be, the less likely you should make the character be intended for a general audience and instead only for a select friend group.

 

5. Using Your Description
As I said earlier, you should only step into the realm of MRP if you're certain everyone else involved is onboard. Obviously, that's not something you can do through a character description or with someone you have literally just met. Remember what I said earlier: the difference between standard RP and MRP is, more often than not, the level of detail. Going back to our comparison of Star Wars and Saving Private Ryan, here's an example of how war could be mentioned in a description in two ways.

 

RP

Quote

"Joe Bob is a retired veteran that, after feeling abandoned by his country after returning from war, went on to become a mercenary after finding he was unable to return to civilian life. While living as a civilian might be easier, he never could let go of his gun."

 

MRP

Quote

"Joe Bob is a retired veteran that was used by his government to pulverize men, women, and children alike with his super strength and bare hands. He grew to enjoy the sounds of their screaming and, unable to return to civilian life, became a mercenary so that he could kill again."

 

While I kind of went to an extreme here, it was mostly to point out that the MRP description could still exist alongside the first without being expressly stated within the description. By leaving details about a character that can fall into MRP, you can ensure that the only people you reveal that aspect of the character to are those you interact with directly and can get a sense of if they would be okay with it.

 

One thing to note is that, if that dark aspect of your character is core to who they are, you should have some kind of indication of the angle your character is taking. Adding an MRP tag in your description can accomplish this, but so can ensuring that your description's vibe, overall, maintains a general 'vibe' of what they are like without being explicit about what it entails. If people aren't interested in the tone of your character's description that avoids being explicit, they probably wouldn't be interested in the explicit description either.

 

6. Running the Story
The absolute first thing you should do is make sure everyone understands what's coming and is okay with it. If someone that wanted to come to your event suddenly realizes, at any point, that they can't handle it? Either give them a means to overcome the situation quickly or let them bow out. Always, always, always have an escape route for stories that are too hot to handle for players be it IC or OOC. If you don't care about the emotional care of your players, at least recognize that doing this ensures that anyone that cannot handle your story any longer feels no obligation to force themself to continue.

 

 On the flipside, don't just agree to an event you know will trigger you. I know you probably don't want to get left out, but it's seriously not worth it. If and when you are triggered, you'll derail the event and cause a fuss. If you thought you could handle it but later find yourself unable to, don't stay silent just because you don't want to cause a scene. Send a private message to whoever is running the event and tell them where you're at emotionally. Maybe you just need a moment to collect yourself, maybe the event needs to stop, maybe you just need to extract yourself from it. Regardless, forcing yourself to endure is more likely to lead to more problems than offer resolution.

 

7. Aftercare
If you suspect someone involved in the event had any issues, reach out and offer a shoulder. While much of the time you'll likely not have anyone need to talk about it, it's better safe than sorry.

 

Your focus here should be reassuring whoever is upset and hear out why they are upset. If they are simply handling their reaction to the event, just be someone they can talk to. If they're upset because of how you handled the event, hear them out and decide for yourself if what they are saying is a reasonable complaint that you should consider for future events. This will more than likely be more necessary for very heavy topics like abuse or PTSD, but it could come up for other things as well.

 

Note that responding to player feedback might come up long after the event is run. Don't get offended if someone comes to you at any point with negative feedback. There is almost always room for improvement and, if your method of displaying some dark theme wasn't quite accurate to the reality of things, it's always worth adjusting the presentation for a later event.

 

Sometimes, despite every attempt, someone attends an event that they shouldn't have and they won't be open enough about their upset to discuss this with you. It'll be bottled up and it won't be some time later that they make this an issue.

 

If you find yourself the one upset long after the event and never made your upset known, remember this: while your feelings are valid, you should have spoken sooner. Whoever was running the event could not adjust things to fit your needs without knowing it was needed and they could not address your concerns if you never made them. It's better late than never, but getting angry that your concerns were never respected when nobody knew they existed to begin with. Give whoever you find at fault some benefit of the doubt and try to work with them to prevent this from becoming a problem in the future.

 

If you find yourself the one on the other side of the above drama, remember this: Just because they never spoke, just because they remained quiet, that doesn't mean they can't feel upset. Try and work with them once you find out things are not peachy and learn what went wrong so you can at least address it in the future. If they refuse to cooperate and work with you, you certainly cannot force them. Let them come to you when they're ready to talk.

 

8. Final Considerations
Some steps here can be skipped if you know everyone very well or have run events like this in the past. However, you should never close yourself off to criticism for heavy themes or someone's expression of upset.

 

These subjects are considered "mature" or "dark" for a reason. If you aren't mature enough to express empathy to those engaging with these subjects, you probably weren't mature enough to try and lead these events or even participate to begin with.

 

When referring to the events of the roleplay later on, you can refer to section 5. While it spoke on how to use darker elements in a character description, this also can apply to talking to someone in the present about it ICly. Focus on the facts, don't feel required to give express details unless requested.

 

Lastly, after EVERYTHING I have just covered, be sure to ask yourself just how dark, gritty, and explicit your concept needs to be. More often than not, the more extreme depictions of events and topics I have written this for won't be what's on the table...but all of this should definitely be on your mind if you stick to a story that delves into the darkest aspects of humanity. If you don't have to go that dark, ask yourself why you need to.

This is part of a series of tutorials regarding roleplay! You can find the full list of tutorials here!

[Enchantica]

I don't mind "roleplaying toons"  The funniest person to ever try to roleplay with me was just "Out of the blue"  He was telling me how Crey industries used him as a lab rat and gave him his powers and his erectile  dysfunction! Then proceeded to elaborate at length not about his new found powers but about his ED. I was like ok, well did you still want in on Manticore? 

[Enchantica]

3 hours ago, McSpazz said:

WARNING: THIS POST WILL BE DISCUSSING THE IMPLEMENTATION OF DARK AND OFTEN UNCOMFORTABLE TOPICS IN ROLEPLAY! VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED GOING FORWARD. IF YOU BELIEVE YOU HAVE ANY TRAUMAS THAT COULD BE TRIGGERED BY A BROAD DISCUSSION OF DARK TOPICS, PROCEED WITH CAUTION

 

Okay, now with that out of the way, HI! It's Spazzy again! I've wanted to make a write-up discussing how to handle roleplay tackling more mature and darker themes for a while, but I wanted to get more write-ups under my belt to ensure I could approach it with the respect it deserves. Unlike my other write-ups where I generally try to avoid injecting too much of my personal opinions or provide explicit instructions on the right and wrong ways to roleplay, this one is going to be a little bit different.

 

While I am not going to demand you heed me on this, following what I have written here almost directly ties back to what I believe to be at the very core of any successful roleplay: consent and communication. Unlike most roleplay, a failure in either of those  can not just lead to an unfun experience or drama but can actively lead to someone involved reliving trauma or otherwise have reason to get personally offended. If you agree with my post talking about consent and communication, you should probably agree with the explicit prescriptions I am making here.

As stated at the top, viewer discretion is advised. While I will be holding to the rules of the forums, I will be mentioning topics that can upset all the same. Also, while not all dark and heavy themes will require the extreme level of care mentioned here, I am going to be focused on outlining how to handle far more severe topics as it's generally easy to wind back protections than implement them after the fact. If we're all onboard, let's proceed.

 

 

---

 

Fiction is a great way for writers to explore often horrific concepts in a safe manner. Sometimes it's an exploration of their own trauma or their frustrations with the world. In a roleplay setting, extreme effort should be taken to not just ensure that everyone involved is comfortable with what's happening but also that what you are representing is being done with caution.

 

1. Getting Our Definitions in Order
Before we go forward, we should talk about what we're even talking about in future sections.

 

There are two forms of roleplay we are going to be concerning ourselves with. Mature roleplay (sometimes called MRP) and Dark Roleplay.

Mature roleplay often covers the darker side of the setting the world is in. Topics can include explicit depictions of war, PTSD, trauma, stark depictions of mental illness, etc. To try and illustrate the difference, while a standard roleplay session might include mentions of war or even a depiction of it (ie: battles played out as seen in Star Wars), mature roleplay will hold far fewer punches and not whitewash the experience (ie: the Omaha Beach scene of Saving Private Ryan). While normal roleplay can cover terrible subjects, MRP aims to try and not just give a more realistic depiction but also enable participants to give realistic reactions.

 

Dark Roleplay is a bit harder to define. Not only is it not universally called Dark Roleplay, but it is itself an offshoot of MRP which can lead to confusion. While Mature Roleplay goes into darker subjects and explores potentially traumatic scenarios, Dark Roleplay generally holds no punches, depicts every aspect of a dark topic, and sometimes even relishes in it. The best way, I feel, to underline the difference is from the context of the horror genre. Horror, as a genre, often dives into really dark subjects and is frequently used to explore the darker side of the human experience. However, it's very clear that the movie Child's Play, a story that contains a great deal of violence, heavily differs from the Hostel series which is not just extremely graphic but also almost fixates on the spectacle.

 

2. The Ultimate Points of Caution
No matter if you are doing MRP or Dark RP, if at any point you believe a topic is bound to come up that is known to often tie into IRL trauma or PTSD, you MUST provide a trigger and/or content warning. This is not optional. A blanket trigger warning is better than nothing, but if you know there will be mention of a something that could trigger someone's PTSD, mentioning from the top that it will come up can mean the difference between either someone having the time to ready themselves or just not attending and later on having someone suddenly leave the event or have an episode for everyone to see. If you don't care about upsetting other people, at least recognize that someone becoming upset that they were not warned ahead of time could completely derail an event.

 

There are also some things, mainly things that come up in Dark RP, that you really shouldn't do to begin with. If not because there is nothing to gain from playing them out, because others will perceive you playing them out as a black mark on your character. While the most common form of Dark RP that fits this description would be explicitly playing out a sexual assault, it's not impossible to find other subjects that would be highly suspect to fully play out in a roleplay. More importantly, as far as roleplaying in City of Heroes goes, playing out some of these darker subjects to their bitter end can legitimately be against the ToS and, should it be discovered, could lead to severe penalties.

 

Next, a strong reminder that nobody you roleplay with is your therapist. You should never use roleplaying in an MMO as a form of therapy without a therapist's explicit recommendation and, if you do, everyone involved should be aware that is what is happening. In addition, you should only accept someone's request to help with this form of therapy if you are very confident in your abilities to not just roleplay but also communicate every step of the way. MRP might be a route to go about processing your trauma, but it's not one that should be approached blindly.

 

Also, remember the ToS and Code of Conduct. While the mods are aware of what a roleplayer is and are therefore more understanding of the stuff you post while in character, posting overly mature content in a public area (like Pocket D or your description) or even partaking in extreme content in private (like a base) can still land you in hot water. If you are in doubt on if the story you want to portray is acceptable, consider doing it outside of the game such as in a private discord. You have to get pretty extreme to get punished for what you post in a private setting, but it is still worth considering before proceeding.

 

Lastly, and somewhat tied into the above note, remember that there are children playing this game. Yes, it's an ancient formally defunct MMO that most tweens and teens probably aren't rushing to play, but they do exist. Many people who grew up on City went on to have kids and have been keen to share their love of the game to their own children. If you intend to do roleplay that you would hesitate to do with a stranger's kids, you should pause and make sure everyone is of the appropriate age (whatever that might be). Many groups, regardless of MMO's, will often put a hard requirement of members being at least 18 years old for this reason.

3. Know Why You Are Doing It
While injecting tough subjects into roleplay can make them far more poignant, it can also come off as a very weak attempt to try and make your story feel more important with little purpose. Edgy for the sake of edgy is generally just going to get you eye rolls.

 

So, when using dark subjects for your character, there are two things you should consider. The first is figuring out how it impacts your character and why that dark subject in particular cannot be accomplished by another method. For example, if you wanted to explore a character that has PTSD in general, you don't have to make them the victim of excessive torture to get that result. In contrast, if you wanted to have a character that specifically explored the consequences of using torture, it would be more appropriate.

 

The reason why you should only utilize these dark themes when they serve a purpose is because, more often than not, these dark elements do not exist within a vacuum. There are people who have survived war, have been violently assaulted, struggle with abuse, etc. They aren't just a stat modifier or a fun fact. It's something real people have gone through.

 

That's not to say you can't use these traits and identities. If you are going to do it, you should do it with intent and purpose.

 

4. How to Prepare It
To start, the standards apply. Research, research, research! Just like any other character, if you aren't personally familiar with some trait your character has, you should research it! It goes a bit deeper than just having a general understanding of a topic like you might normally settle on.

 

If you are going to go into darker territory, however, figuring out explicitly how this impacts your character, how they feel about it, and how it has shaped them ahead of time can prevent things getting messy in the future. For example, a character who was forcibly mutated against their will and suffers PTSD as a result could easily have pretty heavy associations to sexual assault. If you are intending to have that implication, spending some time to consider the implications and consequences on your character can help ensure that anyone interacting with your character who have personally experienced SA don't feel as if their own experience has been cheapened.

 

You should also consider who you plan on making your audience. The darker the subject and the more explicit you are going to be, the less likely you should make the character be intended for a general audience and instead only for a select friend group.

 

5. Using Your Description
As I said earlier, you should only step into the realm of MRP if you're certain everyone else involved is onboard. Obviously, that's not something you can do through a character description or with someone you have literally just met. Remember what I said earlier: the difference between standard RP and MRP is, more often than not, the level of detail. Going back to our comparison of Star Wars and Saving Private Ryan, here's an example of how war could be mentioned in a description in two ways.

 

RP

 

MRP

 

While I kind of went to an extreme here, it was mostly to point out that the MRP description could still exist alongside the first without being expressly stated within the description. By leaving details about a character that can fall into MRP, you can ensure that the only people you reveal that aspect of the character to are those you interact with directly and can get a sense of if they would be okay with it.

 

One thing to note is that, if that dark aspect of your character is core to who they are, you should have some kind of indication of the angle your character is taking. Adding an MRP tag in your description can accomplish this, but so can ensuring that your description's vibe, overall, maintains a general 'vibe' of what they are like without being explicit about what it entails. If people aren't interested in the tone of your character's description that avoids being explicit, they probably wouldn't be interested in the explicit description either.

 

6. Running the Story
The absolute first thing you should do is make sure everyone understands what's coming and is okay with it. If someone that wanted to come to your event suddenly realizes, at any point, that they can't handle it? Either give them a means to overcome the situation quickly or let them bow out. Always, always, always have an escape route for stories that are too hot to handle for players be it IC or OOC. If you don't care about the emotional care of your players, at least recognize that doing this ensures that anyone that cannot handle your story any longer feels no obligation to force themself to continue.

 

 On the flipside, don't just agree to an event you know will trigger you. I know you probably don't want to get left out, but it's seriously not worth it. If and when you are triggered, you'll derail the event and cause a fuss. If you thought you could handle it but later find yourself unable to, don't stay silent just because you don't want to cause a scene. Send a private message to whoever is running the event and tell them where you're at emotionally. Maybe you just need a moment to collect yourself, maybe the event needs to stop, maybe you just need to extract yourself from it. Regardless, forcing yourself to endure is more likely to lead to more problems than offer resolution.

 

7. Aftercare
If you suspect someone involved in the event had any issues, reach out and offer a shoulder. While much of the time you'll likely not have anyone need to talk about it, it's better safe than sorry.

 

Your focus here should be reassuring whoever is upset and hear out why they are upset. If they are simply handling their reaction to the event, just be someone they can talk to. If they're upset because of how you handled the event, hear them out and decide for yourself if what they are saying is a reasonable complaint that you should consider for future events. This will more than likely be more necessary for very heavy topics like abuse or PTSD, but it could come up for other things as well.

 

Note that responding to player feedback might come up long after the event is run. Don't get offended if someone comes to you at any point with negative feedback. There is almost always room for improvement and, if your method of displaying some dark theme wasn't quite accurate to the reality of things, it's always worth adjusting the presentation for a later event.

 

Sometimes, despite every attempt, someone attends an event that they shouldn't have and they won't be open enough about their upset to discuss this with you. It'll be bottled up and it won't be some time later that they make this an issue.

 

If you find yourself the one upset long after the event and never made your upset known, remember this: while your feelings are valid, you should have spoken sooner. Whoever was running the event could not adjust things to fit your needs without knowing it was needed and they could not address your concerns if you never made them. It's better late than never, but getting angry that your concerns were never respected when nobody knew they existed to begin with. Give whoever you find at fault some benefit of the doubt and try to work with them to prevent this from becoming a problem in the future.

 

If you find yourself the one on the other side of the above drama, remember this: Just because they never spoke, just because they remained quiet, that doesn't mean they can't feel upset. Try and work with them once you find out things are not peachy and learn what went wrong so you can at least address it in the future. If they refuse to cooperate and work with you, you certainly cannot force them. Let them come to you when they're ready to talk.

 

8. Final Considerations
Some steps here can be skipped if you know everyone very well or have run events like this in the past. However, you should never close yourself off to criticism for heavy themes or someone's expression of upset.

 

These subjects are considered "mature" or "dark" for a reason. If you aren't mature enough to express empathy to those engaging with these subjects, you probably weren't mature enough to try and lead these events or even participate to begin with.

 

When referring to the events of the roleplay later on, you can refer to section 5. While it spoke on how to use darker elements in a character description, this also can apply to talking to someone in the present about it ICly. Focus on the facts, don't feel required to give express details unless requested.

 

Lastly, after EVERYTHING I have just covered, be sure to ask yourself just how dark, gritty, and explicit your concept needs to be. More often than not, the more extreme depictions of events and topics I have written this for won't be what's on the table...but all of this should definitely be on your mind if you stick to a story that delves into the darkest aspects of humanity. If you don't have to go that dark, ask yourself why you need to.

This is part of a series of tutorials regarding roleplay! You can find the full list of tutorials here!

I don't mind "roleplaying toons"  The funniest person to ever try to roleplay with me was just "Out of the blue"  He was telling me how Crey industries used him as a lab rat and gave him his powers and his erectile  dysfunction! Then proceeded to elaborate at length not about his new found powers but about his ED. I was like ok, well did you still want in on Manticore? 

[Haijinx]

51 minutes ago, Enchantica said:

I don't mind "roleplaying toons"  The funniest person to ever try to roleplay with me was just "Out of the blue"  He was telling me how Crey industries used him as a lab rat and gave him his powers and his erectile  dysfunction! Then proceeded to elaborate at length not about his new found powers but about his ED. I was like ok, well did you still want in on Manticore? 

Wait.  You sure that wasn't Manticore?

[chase]

11 hours ago, Krimson said:

These are things that I avoid because Homecoming lacks an age verification system.

Age verification is a big part of it, yes.  For all our joking aside on being able to identify a preteen rather quickly in chat, you can never be too sure who exactly is in your audience and whether they're mature enough for some content. People should always be mindful of that.

 

[chase]

As usual with my McSpazz follow-ups, I'm going to go a little introspective here... and while I believe I'll be within the forum rules and some of this will not be new, I'm going to spoiler elements due to the sensitivity some people may have to the material.

I'm a combat veteran, and in the closing hours of the war, my unit occupied a rather horrific location- a bottleneck where evacuating forces were subject not just from coalition airstrikes, but their own forces blocking their retreat and our own ground forces.   We were surrounded by death and decay for days.   

I have used my experience in shaping how I portray my veteran characters, but if I were to put it in a bio I'd never include more detail than the above.

If I was in a mature RP group and it made some sense to share tales of darker material, I might:

I may speak of the days on body-bag detail, of struggling to match body parts with bodies for burial, of finding pickup trucks overturned on the shoulder, bodies that were once stacked like logs in the truck bed now scattered over the landscape.   I'd speak of how we all felt nothing through it all- not cold or emotionless... just a surreal go-about-your business kind of day.    Sharing some  dark gallows humor would probably be appropriate.

That's still very clean, compared to where I could go.

The above would normally be enough for most RP I'd engage in, but unless I truly knew the audience and the safety of the venue, I would guard myself in how I share elements that are all easily too vivid to me.   The other players aren't therapists.   I don't know their thresholds or motivations, and I, frankly, don't intend to cater to somebody else's morbid fascination with death and killing, if that's what they're there for.

That's how I feel on a good day, at least.

But see-  it's never been the details of death and destruction that haunted me.  It's the fact that the death and destruction didn't haunt me that haunted me.   I've heard the same often enough to know I'm not alone.  It's not what we faced but how we faced it that bothers us. 

 

So many well-intentioned people will tell you it's the brain's survival mechanism.  It gets you through the hard times.   That's supposed to make it better.   

It doesn't.   

 

It just makes you want to double-down on the details, going further.   They just don't get it, I didn't make it repulsive enough for them to understand- that stuff should NEVER have been easy.   It's a natural impulse to want to be understood, and so you want to make the tale darker until they get it.   If you don't keep reminding yourself of the audience and venue your tale's taking place in, you risk going too far.






 

[McSpazz]

8 hours ago, chase said:

But see-  it's never been the details of death and destruction that haunted me.  It's the fact that the death and destruction didn't haunt me that haunted me.   I've heard the same often enough to know I'm not alone.  It's not what we faced but how we faced it that bothers us. 

 

 

So many well-intentioned people will tell you it's the brain's survival mechanism.  It gets you through the hard times.   That's supposed to make it better.   

It doesn't.   

 

It just makes you want to double-down on the details, going further.   They just don't get it, I didn't make it repulsive enough for them to understand- that stuff should NEVER have been easy.   It's a natural impulse to want to be understood, and so you want to make the tale darker until they get it.   If you don't keep reminding yourself of the audience and venue your tale's taking place in, you risk going too far.

 

I can definitely relate to this. When I was dealing with an abusive relationship ages ago, I could almost feel myself becoming a different person. Looking back, the most horrific thing that's stuck with me wasn't the abuse itself but what it did to me. The sense I was becoming someone who I never was. After I got out of it, a lot of my time recovering was spent just trying to reclaim who I once was in some small margin.

 

A lot of RP that dives into serious topics, unfortunately, is far more focused on the surface level shock value more so than the underlying horror. It's part of why I encourage people to research these kinds of subjects.

[chase]

On 3/12/2024 at 5:13 PM, McSpazz said:

7. Aftercare
If you suspect someone involved in the event had any issues, reach out and offer a shoulder. While much of the time you'll likely not have anyone need to talk about it, it's better safe than sorry.

 

Your focus here should be reassuring whoever is upset and hear out why they are upset. If they are simply handling their reaction to the event, just be someone they can talk to. If they're upset because of how you handled the event, hear them out and decide for yourself if what they are saying is a reasonable complaint that you should consider for future events. This will more than likely be more necessary for very heavy topics like abuse or PTSD, but it could come up for other things as well.

 

Note that responding to player feedback might come up long after the event is run. Don't get offended if someone comes to you at any point with negative feedback. There is almost always room for improvement and, if your method of displaying some dark theme wasn't quite accurate to the reality of things, it's always worth adjusting the presentation for a later event.

 

Sometimes, despite every attempt, someone attends an event that they shouldn't have and they won't be open enough about their upset to discuss this with you. It'll be bottled up and it won't be some time later that they make this an issue.

 

If you find yourself the one upset long after the event and never made your upset known, remember this: while your feelings are valid, you should have spoken sooner. Whoever was running the event could not adjust things to fit your needs without knowing it was needed and they could not address your concerns if you never made them. It's better late than never, but getting angry that your concerns were never respected when nobody knew they existed to begin with. Give whoever you find at fault some benefit of the doubt and try to work with them to prevent this from becoming a problem in the future.

 

If you find yourself the one on the other side of the above drama, remember this: Just because they never spoke, just because they remained quiet, that doesn't mean they can't feel upset. Try and work with them once you find out things are not peachy and learn what went wrong so you can at least address it in the future. If they refuse to cooperate and work with you, you certainly cannot force them. Let them come to you when they're ready to talk.

 

I can't stress this part enough- it's PARTICULARLY important for mature and dark subject matter.   You will get people arguing that this isn't some therapeutic roleplaying and downplay it.  Don't.   McSpazz covered many of the great empathy-driven reasons, but in case you're as "dark" as your dark roleplay and just don't care, I'll argue self-interest.   The roleplaying community is already fragmented and relatively small.   The community interested in dark subject matter is even smaller.   If you get a reputation as an unsafe contributor, it won't be long before you have trouble finding willing participants.   Take care of the team you have.

I'd also argue that you should make this an active part of any roleplay.   Although it's particularly true in things you see as bordering this subject matter, sometimes you might not even be aware just how close it may be or how it may impact others.   We've mentioned therapeutic roleplay a few times so far in this thread- mostly to say we're NOT practicing it here- but patterns will dovetail here.  Oftentimes, rather than deal with a sensitive topic head-on, it can be more safely explored through a substitute-  a common superhero trope of being visibly different from normative standards can be a safer way to explore body image issues.   Likewise,  "Involuntary transformation" can be an avenue for exploring feelings arising from sexual assault and the feelings of being permantly changed by what they've gone through.   

Although I've used this knowledge to shape how I appraoch a character like Tabby- who IS a survivor of involuntary transformation and will joke that she's the poster child for body image issues- it doesn't need to change yours-- but it does mean that your non-dark, non-mature roleplay might still trigger some negative sentiment in someone that's familiar with and possibly used this in the past.   Having aftercare gives an outlet that COULD shape your approach to the story, but will also let that person address what might otherwise be a simmering issue that manifests in other ways.

I'd thought I'd done well in navigating this topic with Tabby over the years.   It's tough- metaphors  (is metaphor the right term) like this aren't perfect-  those with body-image issues relating to parts of her story may be working toward  enbracing their differences, but an assault survivor isn't trying to embrace the scars that they feel now separates them from others- it's far more complex- but hopefully they're not letting those scars define them or stop them from living full lives-- they're finding a path forward.  Two different expected outcomes sharing a very similar situation.    Three, actually-- perhaps more-  until recently I had never considered that feeling "trapped in a body that's not my own" also resonates with some trans issues-- or that a simple character "learning to accept myself for who I am" could feel so triggering to survivors of controversial techniques attempting to align one's gender identity with their birth identity.    

This isn't a call to have you change the story you imagined for your character- this isn't a warning to "avoid this concept or trope".   That would lead to quite the impossible minefield to dance through, but aftercare gives you the opportunity to address any misconceptions, possibly learn from each other, and maybe bring your community closer together.

And once you see how useful aftercare can be in approaching symbolic borderline situations like this, you can see how essential it is in dark and mature topics where the symbolism is stripped away and you're dealing directly with very real and very triggering issues.

 

[Latex]

The elephant in the room with MRP and likeminded themes is always age I make a habit of asking straight up if a player is above 18 before going into it.

 

That aside, I am more used to MRP than normal RP, my style of RP is without limits, if a character would do it, they do it, if they don't, they don't. Imposing limits on a character because of OOC afflictions usually leaves a bad taste in my mouth, so I seek others cool with it and we get along swimmingly! City of Heroes RP is very casual and kind from my experiences, despite there being an entire game devoted to Villainy. Roleplaying where permadeath is on the cards, for any reason, at any time can be a thrill, I've played several games for thousands of hours where that is the case, players Roleplay differently when there is tangible losses to be had - the loss of your character, psychological damage, physical damage etc - If the die don't land the way you hoped then your characters story can take a turn for the uncomfortable. But! I don't play COH enough to warrant going that hardcore, the game doesn't really lend to it - most MMO's don't.

 

I think the biggest most obvious golden rule is to communicate OOC, if your char is about to get messed up the messer-upper should be constantly talking to you.

For me though, there is an exception to OOC comms and that's if you 'sign here' to consent to such at the start of a plot, theme or setting. OOC Communication is good 99.9% of the time, but if you entered the plot/theme/setting knowing your char may get fucked up and then kick up a stink when they do? It's sort of on you, I've been in this situation and it's one of those things where you need to trust the ruleset and the people hosting the plot, trust them enough to put your character on the line sort of deal.

 

 

[McSpazz]

24 minutes ago, Latex said:

TFor me though, there is an exception to OOC comms and that's if you 'sign here' to consent to such at the start of a plot, theme or setting. OOC Communication is good 99.9% of the time, but if you entered the plot/theme/setting knowing your char may get fucked up and then kick up a stink when they do? It's sort of on you, I've been in this situation and it's one of those things where you need to trust the ruleset and the people hosting the plot, trust them enough to put your character on the line sort of deal.

This is true to an extent. If you enter a roleplay with plenty of warnings ahead of time that X bad thing might happen and then X bad thing happens, getting upset that it did happen is kind of silly. However, it's worth remembering that you can still walk out of a roleplay at any point. Sometimes, people who know that bad thing might happen think they can handle it and then discover that, no, they couldn't handle it. That's still not something they should take out on anyone else, of course, but it's better to let them walk away than make them feel they have to defend themselves.

[kito]

I tend to agree with latex but also find I am one of the few players to have permadeath with my toons. I always lean more mature then PG-13 when I play but adapt to who I'm rping with.   

 

The one thing I will say is if you don't like to mature rp that cool but don't jump into one then try and change it. I have seen that more then it really should ever happen. And most the community is just to nice we will often. Stop and change so that everyone can rp together even if we went from a gritty crime scene trying to peace together where Hannibal will go next. To the set of batman vs his villan of the week and it all got wrapped up in a nice neat bow.  

 

And finally  don't try and bring your kids in, I get it you want to be there and help them get threw any dark thing we do like drugs or cadaver taking but people don't want to rp with your kids even if there mature for there age. 

 

As far as trigger warning idk I have never seen them more then a few at that start of an rp most the time it takes time and set up for a story to start and most people have said what there not comfortable with in advance. But I have seen us fade to black a few times when someone got caught off guard by something.