CoH Fan Fiction

[Dacy]

7 hours ago, Christopher Robin said:

On 11/5/2019 at 9:13 AM, Dacy said:

All I know is, he’s very good at grammar and spotting errors. He’d make an excellent copy editor, at the very least. 

Thanks... I think?

---------------

I think my word choice was awkward here, although I struggled with it; just didn't come out right, I meant, your skills are very high, and no matter what your profession,  you could obviously be the aforementioned author or teacher, or an editor, or copy editor, or all of the above. So "at the least" does not mean copy editors are a low end profession, it means you seem to have the potential for all that and so much more, not to mention your creative talents (which again points back to the word choice, "at the least", because being a copy editor would not be using your creative genius).

 

But all of that is rather long winded, so I settled for "at the least". Which doesn't sound nearly as good, I freely admit. 🙂

 

7 hours ago, Christopher Robin said:

@Dacy I have read it.

I'm on my second read through now.

 

In short, I think it is excellent.

 

If this was a book I'd have quickly purchased it

and would most likely be clamoring for a sequel by now.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think I'm almost literally floating, here. What a compliment! You made my year and then some! Thank you so much. 😄 If this were a book, likely this quote would be just inside the front cover. 🙂

 

 

You are not a native speaker? *Mind blown* May I ask, what language is native for you? Kudos to both you and whatever excellent teachers you had in English!  It's a language with so many exceptions to its rules, even its natives often don't use it correctly. But, that is what happens when the nation that birthed it was the focus of conquest by so many other nations; so we have German, French, Latin, and Danish all in there, each with its own set of rules that influenced parts of speech and spelling. Some rules stayed, some were supplanted, and throw in a bit of the original languages in Celtic and Gaelic, you get a hybrid with words and rules going every which way, and a propensity for picking up words from anywhere. Most of us who speak and write well had advantages such as parents who were also quite literate. We learned our vocabularies and grammar because we were soaked in it from early on, but to have to have learned later on when the brain is not nearly as receptive to language, and to have done so so well...that is immensely impressive.

 

-Dacy

Edited November 10, 2019 by Dacy

[QueenBethari]

@Dacy I finished it this afternoon. It was good! (I discovered that I had already downloaded a version from your previous thread, so I'm not sure it was the most recent edition.)

It's great that you were not only able to write a good story, but that you were able to write seventy pages' worth - which didn't feel like that much at all. 😀

 

You've inspired me to try writing fan fiction, too.

Spoiler

My biggest worry about writing is that I'm going to be the only one who is interested in the idea. It's like putting your soul out there for everyone to inspect - no pressure! 😛

 

Writing takes a lot of guts. I guess I know that Dacy gets them from her author. ❤️

 

[Dacy]

Thanks, @QueenBethari!!! Sooo sweet, and I know what you mean about putting your soul out there, and I will be happy to read yours, too. 🙂 That's awesome!! Thank you for your very kind words!

 

-Dacy

[QueenBethari]

This is a little something I came up with. It probably doesn't make much sense yet, but I hope to write more about these two characters soon.

Spoiler

 

     Marilyn could just die. Her new friend, who had no superhuman ability whatsoever, was waltzing into City Hall to demand hero registration. Surely they didn't just hand hero licenses to anyone who asked for one. Poor Annabel Li would get laughed out of Atlas park, if she was lucky. They could send her to Ziggursky Penitentiary for lying to the government (did they put minors in the Zig?) or worse - exile her to an overgrown island in the Nerva Archipelago. She was beginning to imagine her friend being eaten alive by a cultist when Annabel came stomping outside.

   

     "Can you believe it?" she groused, "The lady there said Powers Division isn't open today. What kind of governmental agency isn't open on a Monday?"

     

     Marilyn burst out laughing. She couldn't believe how worried she had been over nothing. "Didn't anyone tell you? Today is Veteran's Day!"

 

 

[Christopher Robin]

@QueenBethari 

I know it's a very early kernel of an idea at this point but I already like the dynamic you've established between the two characters.

One reads as very blustery and incredulous that she isn't immediately accorded hero status and the other reads

as trepidatious and someone always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Sounds like a fun mix.

 

Also I have to say it made me smile that Dacy's great story is inspiring you to dip your toe into writing.
It's heartening to see people drawing inspiration from these forums and channeling it into their own creations.

 

10 hours ago, Dacy said:

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think I'm almost literally floating, here. What a compliment! You made my year and then some! Thank you so much.

 

@DacyWhoops!

I was only aiming for "compliment of the day."

Overshot the mark a wee bit it seems.

 

Kidding aside, you are quite welcome Dacy, it's well deserved.

 

Ah well, Italian was the first language I learned to speak as a child.

I should point out @Darth Delicious is far more impressive in this regard, she speaks Frisian natively

but is also fluent in Dutch and English as well. On top of that she knows some German

and last I checked was taking a "learn to speak Spanish" language course online.

 

10 hours ago, Dacy said:

........................................Most of us who speak and write well had advantages such as parents who were also quite literate.............................

 

Indeed. That whole paragraph was quite insightful.

My father, retired now, was a college professor of English and my secret weapon growing up.

I was winning class spelling bee's before I realized they were not just fun words games.

 

Edited November 10, 2019 by Christopher Robin

[Dacy]

Cool, CR! Yes, other countries are very good at making sure their students have at least one other language. Here, not so much, but I come from a fairly literate family, and my older brother was born in Germany, and is fluent in at least three other languages that I know of. My mother spoke German, but French more fluently; she was also passable in Italian, as she was a classical singer, and many many operas and other singing materials are in Italian, of course! I was passable in Spanish for a while, but have lost much without practice, and the same with German. I got lazy because my sister majored in that, and she could always translate if need be, but honestly, Germans are the hardest people to practice on! Maybe it's that way in most European countries, I do not know. The French, they will let you continue on...they may laugh at you, but they want you to speak -their- language, whereas, the Germans, if you so much as mispronounce a syllable, they pounce and immediately switch to English, they are very eager to practice! I do not have personal experience with the French, but I've heard stories, heh. Myself, the only language other than English I am fluent is is Sign Language (with passable ASL). (Those are two different things). I always admire those who are able to speak several languages.

 

Frisian, huh? I confess to not being very familiar with that language or the country it originates from. When I hear "Frisian", my first thought is of the beautiful horse made famous by the movie "Ladyhawke", and seen in positively every medieval movie after that (and some non-Medieval, like Wonder Woman), whether or not it was historically accurate. Hint: it wasn't. (I'm a horse geek. Big time.)

 

Well, having an English Professor as a father is definitely a secret weapon in learning English well! I would bet it's likely you were speaking English and Italian as a child, which can explain your proficiency (the brain myelinizes the neural connections for language by age 5, so, if you'd been exposed to it enough, you had the foundation for learning more, more easily, than someone who did not have that).

1 hour ago, Christopher Robin said:

Also I have to say it made me smile that Dacy's great story is inspiring you to dip your toe into writing.
It's heartening to see people drawing inspiration from these forums and channeling it into their own creations.

Me too!!

 

Oh, just some notes for those that are still reading this post, and have read my story: that city I mentioned, the one in Central America that was destroyed, that was a real place, and they really don't know what happened to it. It went from what amounted to a bustling metropolis for the period, to...nobody there, no obvious reason why. I knew if I looked I'd find something like that...Central America has had a really interesting history.

 

Trick and Solomon are both characters invented by my husband, and if I were to write more here, I might follow Solomon from the end of this book, because the heroine who is about to be created is one of my favorites of my husband's creations (but her story is totally unrelated to anything that happened in this story). Kinda weird writing characters I didn't invent (Fire Onyx and Starchilde were also characters of people we really did run with, and I cleared all character interactions with them to make sure they stayed true to their creator's vision of who they were.) The story would probably have run a bit differently if I'd had control over Trick! lol. But it taught me a lot about writing a character according to who that character was, not who I wanted him/her to be, or what I'd prefer happened in the plot.  Sometimes, the characters tell YOU what they want to do, not the other way around.

 

Sigh. Up too late again.

 

-Dacy

[Nebularian]

Okay....just found this topic!  While I haven't written any strictly COH fan-fiction, I DID try to pull COh (post closing) into the fan-fiction I was writing.  I had about 5 chapters completed when, after discussions with the other writers on our site (the continuum worlds), it was decided that we would take a different direction with our shared worlds.  Unfortunately, this meant that those chapters never saw the light of day.  

I am going to spend a few days reading what has already been posted and then decide if I truly want to embarrass myself by posting those chapters here 🙂 

[QueenBethari]

On 11/9/2019 at 7:41 PM, QueenBethari said:

This is a little something I came up with. It probably doesn't make much sense yet, but I hope to write more about these two characters soon.

  Reveal hidden contents

 

     Marilyn could just die. Her new friend, who had no superhuman ability whatsoever, was waltzing into City Hall to demand hero registration. Surely they didn't just hand hero licenses to anyone who asked for one. Poor Annabel Li would get laughed out of Atlas park, if she was lucky. They could send her to Ziggursky Penitentiary for lying to the government (did they put minors in the Zig?) or worse - exile her to an overgrown island in the Nerva Archipelago. She was beginning to imagine her friend being eaten alive by a cultist when Annabel came stomping outside.

   

     "Can you believe it?" she groused, "The lady there said Powers Division isn't open today. What kind of governmental agency isn't open on a Monday?"

     

     Marilyn burst out laughing. She couldn't believe how worried she had been over nothing. "Didn't anyone tell you? Today is Veteran's Day!"

 

 

Join me for the continuing saga of Marilyn and Annabel Li!

Spoiler

Annabel puffed out her cheeks, something she always did right before she got an idea. Then she said those fateful words, "Hey, I know what we can do."

 

Right on cue, thought Marilyn.

 

"Come on, let's go! The monorail to King's Row leaves in two minutes." With that announcement, Annabel sprinted towards the station.

 

Marilyn trailed behind her. The monorail car was deserted. Marilyn took a seat on a vinyl-covered chair. Annabel grasped a metal handrail - despite the empty car - and stared at her phone with intense concentration. Marilyn sighed. She knew better than to ask why they were headed to King's Row.  Annabel would keep her lips firmly sealed until they arrived at the intended destination. By that time, it would be too late to back out - not unless she wanted to leave her friend in peril.

 

The car slowed and the doors dinged open. Annabel bounded off the train and down the concrete steps. Marilyn could hardly keep up. After crossing several streets and darting through several alleys, Annabel stopped in front of an unmarked white truck.

 

"Well?" she said. "Get in."

 

"I am not riding in a stranger's mystery van," Marilyn stammered.

 

Annabel laughed. "This isn't a mystery van. It's the shuttle to Pocket D."

 

"Pocket D?! You can't go there - you're only 14."

 

"So are you."

 

Marilyn flushed. "It's illegal and irresponsible. We have a math test tomorrow morning!"

 

"Well, I'm going anyway," she said. She hopped into the van.

 

Marilyn followed her. She sighed. If something happened to her, she'd be one to blame.

 

Edited November 12, 2019 by QueenBethari
rewrote final line

[Dacy]

Wow, I’m glad Annabel isn’t my kid!!

 

At some point, I’m hoping to see more of why this relationship exits.  They do not seem to be naturally compatible; in fact, I would think that Annabel would drive Marilyn crazy, and possibly vice versa. 
 

Keep up the good work!!

 

-Dacy 

[QueenBethari]

26 minutes ago, Dacy said:

Wow, I’m glad Annabel isn’t my kid!!

 

At some point, I’m hoping to see more of why this relationship exits.  They do not seem to be naturally compatible; in fact, I would think that Annabel would drive Marilyn crazy, and possibly vice versa. 
 

Keep up the good work!!

 

-Dacy 

Thank you so much for reading!

 

Honestly, I'm still trying to figure out why they would be friends. I'm thinking something along the lines of 

Spoiler

Marilyn is new in town. She never had any friends at her old school, so having even a bad friend feels amazing.

but I feel like there should be more to it, since that makes Annabel pretty unlikable. Do you have any suggestions?

[Christopher Robin]

Welcome to the best part of the forums Nebularian, I do hope you decide to share your writing as well.

 

Is that like a librarian for nebulae? Or perhaps someone

who likes to keep their relationships nebulous and undefined?

 

 

Edited November 12, 2019 by Christopher Robin

[Dacy]

37 minutes ago, QueenBethari said:

I feel like there should be more to it, since that makes Annabel pretty unlikable. Do you have any suggestions?

Well, every character has to have some flaws to be realistic. Obviously, we are not seeing a great side of Annabel right now, at least from the viewpoint expressed. We need to see more of a virtuous side of Annabel. But I not only need to see why Annabel appeals to Marilyn, but why Marilyn appeals Annabel. You can show this in interactions and in thoughts that one person has about the other. My thought right now is that perhaps Marilyn, and being the more cautious and prudent of the two, appeals to Annabel because at some level, Annabel knows she needs more of this. By the same token, perhaps Marilyn lives a little bit vicariously through Annabel’s impulsivity.

 

At this point, I don’t really have enough to like either character; I’m waiting to see if there is perhaps a reason Annabel thinks she should be a hero. For all I know, she should be! We have a natural division for heroes for a reason. Maybe Marilyn is just a wet blanket. Maybe Annabel is the one who puts up with Marilyn, not the other way around. So far, we have a third person centric POV, so we’ve only gotten Marilyn’s side of the story. I don’t know whether I can trust this point of view yet or not. Maybe Marilyn has a skewed point of view. So you could go either way with that. You can make it a third person alternating central point of view, or simply demonstrate the character you wish to show in Annabel, and let us draw our own conclusions about Marilyn’s viewpoint. 

 

They could be friends. They could be roommates in a boarding school. They could even be relatives or even sisters. Maybe Maryland and Annabel are the daughters of adults who are friends, and they were just kind of thrown together. There are so many reasons for them to be together, they don’t necessarily have to be friends, even. 
 

My first suggestion would be to write a backstory or at least have one firmly in your head for each of your two characters. Give them foundation so you have a better clarity on who they are and how they will act in a given situation. This way, you can develop the whole person, not just a situation two people are in. Hopefully that makes sense to you.

 

One thing that you’ve done here already though, is set up a wonderful potential for growth for both of these characters. Since plot is driven through change and often thru character growth, you have opened up a lot of possibilities.

 

-Dacy

Edited November 12, 2019 by Dacy

[Christopher Robin]

1 hour ago, QueenBethari said:

Thank you so much for reading!

 

Honestly, I'm still trying to figure out why they would be friends. I'm thinking something along the lines of 

  Hide contents

Marilyn is new in town. She never had any friends at her old school, so having even a bad friend feels amazing.

but I feel like there should be more to it, since that makes Annabel pretty unlikable. Do you have any suggestions?

@QueenBethari coming along nicely. 

After reading what you wrote but before reading Dacy's comment above I also wondered what

reason was keeping them together and the first thought that leapt out at me is that their moms must

be friends and when getting together they often suggest the girls should go shopping together or something

and while neither girl is happy about it they both see something in each other that they find missing in themselves.

 

Another thought could be a shared common tragedy, i.e. the Rikti invasion devastated both of their homes

and while they don't see eye to eye they both know what the other is going through.

Could work depending on what kind of tone you want in your story.

 

Finally, maybe Marilyn was being picked on for being the quiet one and Annabel came to her rescue?

Not cuz she likes Marilyn or anything (don't get any ideas that we might be friends or something ugh) but just

because she hates bullys and feels compelled to help when she sees injustice (heroic tendencies being hinted at perhaps).

 

Not sure any of this is useful and I don't want to sway your

story but if you are looking for ideas those were what popped to me.

 

 

Edited November 12, 2019 by Christopher Robin

[iynx]

361 days to lockdown

 

”Open up Proud! It’s Ray!”

 

Man banging the door was in his early 30’s. He had dark hair, tan skin complexion and he was of average build. His clothing -blazer, plain pants of mellow color- told a tale of him being a cop in plain clothes, but that tale wasn’t true.

 

Door to the lodging room opened, just a little bit. Ray entered the apartment, it was quite dark. Almost all the lights were out and curtains were closed. He had to step over un-opened letters and a parcel Proud had left under the front door. The apartment was small, like a motel room, yet it had much less furniture. Just a bed, a table and three chairs. The only lightsource was a table lamp on the table. Chairs were covered by clothes of a teenage girl. She was Proud. That was her real name. Proud Spirit. A tanned, thin caucasian girl in white shorts and a t-shirt, with neon-green hair, sitting on her bed slumped, doing nothing else than breathing and staring at the floor. It was like walking to the front door, opening it and then walking back to the bed had been too much for her already.

 

Ray pulled a chair to himself, sitting in front of Proud and then lowering a briefcase he was carrying to another chair near the bed.

 

”Hi Proud, how are you doing? Have you taken your medication?”

 

Proud raised her head a bit, not enough to see Ray’s face, but just enough for her to pan slowly from left to the right. Then she said:

 

”Hey.”

 

”You have”, said Ray and opened his briefcase. He took a breath analyzer and extended it to Proud. He waited for a brief, silent moment for Proud to take the analyzer. After the girl took it, and used it like she had done many times before, Ray took out some papers and a clip board from his briefcase. Then he took the breath analyzer back and checked the result, then marking it down in the papers.

 

”No alcohol. Good. Two days ago a girl with green hair and a red t-shirt stole a boat from Talos Lounge and wrecked it. Would you happen to know anything about that?”

 

Proud didn’t raise her eyes to Ray when she answered:

 

”Lots of girls with green hair and a red shirt in here.”

 

”The girl was seen leaving the lounge, intoxicated and carrying a bottle of vodka. Some said she had a hammer and sickle -symbol on her t-shirt”, said Ray. He looked around the room and clothes scattered around there, but quickly decided he didn’t see the t-shirt he described anywhere visible in the room. He then changed some other papers on top of the clip board he was holding, and put the breath analyzer back into his briefcase.

 

”I wouldn’t know how to drive a boat”, said Proud.

 

”Neither did the girl who wrecked that boat”, answered Ray. He then paused to wait if Proud had anything else to say.

 

She didn’t.

 

”Okay, did you receive your student uniform? Have you already tried it on?” asked Ray after a moment of silence. Proud raised her head a little, Ray could see the whites of her eyes move in a manner she was looking at the parcel near the front door. Ray got up, walked to the unopened parcel and picked it up. Then he walked back to the chair in front of Proud.

 

”Proud, have you been to that academy? Have you been anywhere near to the campus?”, asked Ray then. Proud shaked her head.

 

”Good. Because: don’t go there, do not approach the campus or any students of the academy. If you do, you threaten legal action. Proud, I need you to understand that it could jeopardize your probation and get you back in prison.”

 

”They saw my file”, said Proud, still hanging her head down.

 

”Yes they did”, said Ray. He then waited if Proud wanted to continue, but she remained silent.

 

”Look, your approval to study has been withdrawn, I’ll return these”, said Ray tapping the parcel sent from the hero academy in question and continued: ”There are other hero academies in Paragon City, too.” Proud could have nodded. At least, it looked like she did. Then she spoke:

 

”I’m the tree that falls and makes no sound.”

 

Ray looked at the girl, perplexed. He didn’t say anything for a moment, waiting Proud to continue. And she did:

 

”I make no sound.”

 

”Proud, I don’t understand. Are you hallucinating?”, Ray asked.

 

”No. Seether.”

 

”Who?”, asked Ray.

 

”An old band. Lyrics of a song”, answered Proud.

 

”Never heard of them. You like them?”, asked Ray. He waited for Proud to answer, but this time she didn’t. Ray sighed, and offered Proud his clip board and a pen. Proud took the pen slowly in her hand, but didn’t do anything to take the clip board.

 

”Proud, will you please sign on the dotted line? It is for that you have acknowledged and agreed not to approach the academy premises nor their students.”

 

Ray held the clip board when Proud signed the document. Ray took the clip board and pen away from Proud, and stored them inside of the opened briefcase.

 

”Proud, so far you are doing good. Hey, check with Dr. Fine if you may halve the dosage of the medication, will you do that? It is important, I can see the dosage is too much at the moment. And, you are going to need to apply to the next academy on your own. I won’t be here. You are appointed another probation officer. Regular meetings will continue with the next one, too.”

 

Proud raised her head and her eyes, and looked at Ray. For the first time in very long time Proud looked directly into the eyes of Ray. She didn’t say anything, and then she lowered her eyes back to the floor.

 

”It’s like the first meeting, remember? You were like this, and I got so worried. I didn’t leave your side for hours, making sure you were okay”, spoke Ray. He looked at the green hair of the silent girl in front of him.

 

”You are going to get a local probation officer. It’s the law. In the state of Rhode Island and especially in Paragon City, the probation officer must be of same sex, and in case of a super powered individual being supervised, the officer needs to be super powered, too. And I have a home and a family in Phoenix to be with. A wife and a daughter. You remember them?”

 

Ray waited an answer from Proud. She didn’t answer.

 

”Since this is our last meeting, I can tell you”, said Ray. He raised slowly up, and then sat on the bed next to Proud. There, sitting next to her, he pulled a wallet out of his blazer pocket, opened the wallet and took out a folded newspaper clipping. He opened the clipping in his hand, revealing a photo of Proud in her white warpaint, wearing her primitive family heritage superhero attire made of brown canvas and leather. In the picture she was holding a baby in her arms, and smiling to the baby.

 

”It was 2014. We got caught in a wildfire when we tried to outrun it with our car. My wife Ellen hunched over our daughter when the flames hit the car. I remember my skin just starting to burn, and then I passed out. I woke up when it was really bright and cold. We were flying, very high, all the flames were out. But my skin was still smoking and I was in pain. But I remember wondering, why the car was flying. Then the car landed near rescue workers, you came out underneath the car and ripped the melt doors off our car with your bare hands, allowing rescue workers to get us out of there. Me and my wife had suffered surface skin burns, but luckily my wife covered our fragile daughter from the fire when the flames hit. That baby, in your arms, is her.”

 

Ray kept the picture visible for Proud for a moment, and then folded it, and put it back into his wallet.

 

”You saved us all”, he said.

 

Ray put the wallet back into his blazer and just sat for a moment there. Both him and Proud were silent. Then he got up and sat on the chair opposite to Proud. He looked at Proud, who was still staring at the floor, silently.

 

”Every time I see you like this it just turns my stomach. Let doctor Fine help you. Talk to her. Please, find a way to let it go”, said Ray, and looked at the green hair of Proud. As usual, the girl didn’t answer. Ray waited for a good while until he spoke again.

 

”Proud, it’s goodbye time”, he said and raised his fist closer to Proud. She slowly raised hers and only lightly touched Ray’s fist, without looking at him. Ray put his stuff back into his briefcace, closed it and got up. He then spent a moment looking at Proud, who didn’t move. Then he turned and walked away from her.

 

She remained seated on her bed, hearing his footstep going away, door opening and closing behind him.

 

”Bye”, she said, long after Ray was already gone.

[QueenBethari]

Thanks so much for the suggestions, @Dacy and @Christopher Robin. 

 

Hope you guys like flashbacks. 😛

---

Move-In Day

Annabel was giddy. Her roommate at Salamanca Academy was going to be her cousin, her long-lost cousin, one she never knew she had. On top of that, she was from Arkham, Massachusetts. Yes, that Arkham, Massachusetts. There were so many questions Annabel would ask her, like Does Miskatonic University accept women now? and Have you ever fed a shoggoth? Then she would ask the holy grail of all questions, the one she was dying to know the answer to: Have you ever met a real vampire?

 

Annabel had a passion for everything paranormal, but she was obsessed with vampires. No, obsessed is too mild of a term. She wanted to be a vampire. She practiced her Transylvanian accent daily. She plastered her face in white makeup. She even cut garlic out of her diet! Last year, as a chairperson of her local FMA club, (that's Future Midnighters of America, for the uninitiated,) she even suggested late night stakeouts of the local cemetery as an enrichment activity. Unsurprisingly, her idea was quickly shot down.

 

The aspiring vampire started unpacking with glee. Before long, she heard a knock on the door. She ran to answer it, thinking, I can't believe it! I finally get to meet her!

 

"Hello, I'm Marilyn. It's so nice to finally meet you."

 

"Oh," said Annabel. If you looked up "wholesome" in the dictionary, this girl's picture would be in it, she thought. Marilyn was blonde-haired and rosy-cheeked and smiling, for crying out loud. 

 

Ugh. This was going to be a long school year.

 

Edited November 16, 2019 by QueenBethari

[FireBrandi]

In the Live days got into a group on DeviantArt writing stories for our characters, not all members were CoH players.  Started it off with my villain tired of the competition of so many villains, and so many heroes interfering when you do manage to get something going.  So she searched for another dimension and ended up in Angel Falls.   Her dimension hopping was detected, and my hero was sent to stop her...  but ended up becoming a permanent resident in that city.  Figured when Live closed down they just got trapped in that dimension, but have now gotten to the alternate universe of Excelsior server.  😉

 

Anyway, here is an index of the stories I did when I was active in that group.

[Dacy]

Hey, @iynx, really intriguing concept and compelling beginning to your story.

 

@QueenBethari, well, that does flesh out the relationship a bit...now I need to know why Marilyn didn't just take one good look at Annabel and say, "Oh HELL no!" and let her hare off on her own.

 

I was reminded of the show Buffy the Vampire Slayer, when they ran into a cult of people who idealized vampires and wanted to be them. Well, they did get to meet some...up close...but the most they became was dinner.  Personally, I never understood the fascination; from Marilyn's "wholesome" vantage, I see no reason why she'd  go anywhere near someone so wrapped up in the occult she wanted to become a  vampire, relative or not, unless she's trying to somehow convince her that vampires are blood sucking  demons, not something to be emulated. If this is the conflict you are developing your plot around, should be an interesting ride. I liked the artwork! And rewriting isn't a flashback, this could be where the story starts. Rewriting is just part of the process. 🙂

 

@FireBrandi....wow, just wow, and a bit overwhelming. This from the person who linked a 70 page novelette... Have you thought about making any of this into a cohesive, like, book? One link to rule them all, so to speak. Maybe we a few supporting links for artwork. Anyway, I had a difficult time getting anyone to read mine (I'm up to two known readers, lol), and @BlackBlade made a good suggestion I followed, to post some teasers. I confess, I am more likely to read something if it's cohesive, than if I have to follow a lot of different links to try and keep following the story. That's a lotta writing. Good job writing so much, that takes dedication! 🙂

 

-Dacy

[QueenBethari]

23 minutes ago, Dacy said:

Personally, I never understood the fascination; from Marilyn's "wholesome" vantage, I see no reason why she'd  go anywhere near someone so wrapped up in the occult she wanted to become a  vampire, unless she's trying to somehow convince her that vampires are blood-sucking demons.

It's like you read my plot twist! (Not that it's going to be much of one, but still...)

[FireBrandi]

@Dacy,

‘that is kind of what I linked to.  One page that lists all the stories, in order, with quick blurbs saying what it is.  The first one was done as a comic book which is why it took multiple links.
 

built up quite a bit over the years, but not as many stories as some in the group.  Soviet Superwoman has a lot more than me I believe 

[Christopher Robin]

@Dacy by my count 5 people have mentioned something about reading your story and CWCID unless I missed it

BlackBlade only has 10 posts total and they all appear to be about base building and patches.  If you

mean from earlier in this thread it was Midnight Blue Mage that suggested the teaser

and smaller chunks, DJ1 seconded the idea and I chimed in thirds.

 

Also it's good to see the quantity of writers and writing picking up in here,

(welcome Iynx and Firebrandi) I suspect more are coming soon as well.

 

On 11/9/2019 at 5:24 PM, Dacy said:

On 11/5/2019 at 9:13 AM, Dacy said:

All I know is, he’s very good at grammar and spotting errors. He’d make an excellent copy editor, at the very least. 

Thanks... I think?

---------------

Oh I didn't think you meant anything bad by it nor did I think you were speaking ill of copy editors just that once again you

were saying something rather insightful without quite realizing how deep that particular rabbit hole goes.

 

 

Edited November 16, 2019 by Christopher Robin

[Dacy]

Whoops. 
 

My apologies, @Midnight Blue Mage, I should have checked on who said that. Memory is unreliable, at least for some of us! 😊 And yeah, I do a lot in bases, so yeah, pulled from the wrong mix. 
 

Speaking of memory, mine feels like it’s failing, for I also honestly cannot recall more people referencing having read the story, not that I doubt that CR is accurate. I will have to go back and see. I’m sad I wouldn’t remember. 
 

@Christopher Robin, CWCID? I’m sorry, I am unfamiliar with this acronym. 
 

-Dacy

[iynx]

352 days to lockdown

poor impulse control

 

”...of Paragon City believe in second chance. Some of our students had trouble with the law, just like you. Some of them even had started a criminal career in Etoile Isles, before their reform.”

 

The man stopped talking and started to show signs of him being uncomfortable. Brains inside Proud’s skull came to a conclusion she had been staring the man for too long. In a creepy way. Proud steered her eyes away from the headmaster.

 

”Yeah.”

 

That was everything she managed to say. She was wearing mostly black leather covering her bright red t-shirt, that had hammer and sickle printed on it. She sat on a chair in headmaster’s office, her head turned sideways. Looking at backs of books in a bookshelf than staring at the headmaster felt more natural to Proud.

 

”You are now adult, miss Spirit. I hope you understand your responsibility of yourself, and we urge you to take your studies seriously. If you don’t contribute to the studies, we will let you go from here. Do you understand this, miss Spirit? Show us any wrong attitude, and you will fly out.”

 

Proud shifted her eyes in somewhat headmaster’s direction.

 

”Eye contact is important. Don’t [censored] this up! Don’t [censored] this up!”

 

”Yes sir. I understand. I will contribute to the studies, the best I can.”

 

Proud bit her lip. She felt like floating. The feeling that she usually had when she was experiencing big life changes. She was nervous, on the edge.

 

”Because of the nature of some of our students, power suppression is present in most of our facilities. Any use of physical force to harm anyone in these premises will count as a serious violation, and will be dealt as such. Do you understand, miss Spirit?”

 

Proud’s heart started to pound faster. She realized: she was getting in!

 

”I understand, mister- ...sir. I don’t give any trouble. And I don’t have most of my powers anymore, anyway.”

 

”Your records from Claypool High show us lots of absences. That will not be tolerated in here. Can you elaborate the reason of your absences?”

 

”Don’t [censored] this up! Don’t [censored] this up!”

 

Proud tried to breath normally. The beating of her heart made her lips throb.

 

”I spent a lot of time in Juvenile Detention Facility in Durango.”

 

”I see. Would you care to tells us what kind of crimes you have committed?”

 

Proud froze. It felt like she had run into a brick wall at full speed.

 

”...[censored]...”

 

”Sir- Mister.. Sir.. you- I mean, haven’t seen my record, yet?”

 

It was suddenly difficult for Proud to make up an intelligible sentence. Her posture on her chair shifted.

 

”No miss Spirit. The juvenile criminal records are always treated with extreme confidentiality. We had to check credentials to the fed’s network and the encryption is slow during a normal school day, the file has been opening on another tab in my computer right here. I believe it should be open now.”

 

The headmaster moved his mouse. Otherwise, the office was silent. Behind the computer display on headmaster’s desk, Proud listened to the clicks of the mouse. She lowered her eyes. Down from the face of headmaster, to his desk, to the floor. The carpet.

 

”I have heard of your father, Mountain. And how your family dealt with the wildfires few years ago. So, miss Spirit, this seems to be just like you told me. Regular probation meetings, regular psychologist consultation, and ah, here are the arrest records and convictions and here are the open-”

 

The headmaster stopped talking. He just moved his mouse. Click. Move again. Click-click. Another move. Click.

 

And then, silence.

 

Proud stared at the floor. She could hear and feel how headmaster looked at his display, and then Proud again. But she didn’t have to look at him. She knew what he looked like at the moment.

 

”You want to ask ’why?’ don’t you?”

 

Proud was slightly shaking.

Of anger.

Her question slipped out of her lips without full permission from her common sense.

 

”Just ask. Do it. You want to know [censored] why?”

 

”[censored] this! They’re not going to take me anyway!”

 

”Security to headmasters office.”

 

Headmaster’s voice was calm. And why would it not be? Proud was a slim, thin 18 year old girl without superpowers. Proud’s voice, however, was cracking as she shouted:

 

”I’ll tell you [censored] why!!!”

 

The security, armored, superpowered guards wearing the logo of the academy just appeared into the room, both sides of Proud. She raised her hands and hissed:

 

”Don’t touch me.”

 

5 minutes later the headmaster looked through his window to the gravel road of the academy yard. He was looking at three figures. Two large, and one small. Proud Spirit was walked out by the two security guards. Their backs slowly becoming smaller and smaller, as they retreated towards the outer gate of the academy.

 

The headmaster turned back to face his desk. Proud had not resisted her removal from the premises. After her verbal outburst, she had listened to the headmaster and agreed to leave the academy premises escorted, and not to come back. The headmaster sat down on his chair and looked at Proud’s file the last time. Knowing she would be convicted as an adult in Arizona, in October 2020, made him feel bitter sympathy. He went to close the file.

 

Mouse moved, and clicked.

[Christopher Robin]

9 hours ago, Dacy said:

@Christopher Robin, CWCID? I’m sorry, I am unfamiliar with this acronym. 

Oh sorry, it's one I say often enough in these forums that I thought

it was acceptable to abbreviate, it stands for Credit Where Credit Is Due.

 

Just meaning that it if you are talking up a thing it's always a good idea to mention who

said or did the thing in question. In this case just pointing out what I am sure is an honest mistake.

 

And just for clarity's sake, of the five who have completed your story four have said or implied it

aloud (Myself, QueenBethari, DJ1 and Xoza) and one was in a PM. Midnight Blue Mage has talked about

the teasers but has not said whether he read it all the way through or not. So five I know of and possibly a sixth.

 

 

Edited November 17, 2019 by Christopher Robin

[Dacy]

Well, thank you any and all who've read it. 🙂 I appreciate it greatly.

 

Yeah, brain blip on the credit thing. Dunno where my brain was, when I find it, I'll give it what-for.

 

-Dacy

[Christopher Robin]

 

Accepting ¼ thanks for being one of the publicly explicit four.

Actually I think Xoza was first IIRC. Back in your "Place to publish stories" thread.

 

Eh, it was a minor infraction so maybe let your brain off the hook with just a when-three. 

 

 

Edited November 17, 2019 by Christopher Robin