Crane's Short Reviews

[Darmian]

40 minutes ago, TerroirNoir said:

Hmm. Not only is @cranebump apparently writing four excellent AEs PER DAY, he's now overtaking me in the one thing I know how to do on this damn forum!  Insert Muttley noises about here.

I think the two different styles of reviews complement each other.  Although I don't even know if @TerroirNoir's style IS a review, more the ongoing "Adventures of Engineria".

[cranebump]

23 hours ago, TerroirNoir said:

Hmm. Not only is @cranebump apparently writing four excellent AEs PER DAY, he's now overtaking me in the one thing I know how to do on this damn forum!  Insert Muttley noises about here.

Noooooo. Not even close. I am a pale shadow of your transcendent Enginerianess.:-)

[cranebump]

Slow on the updates here. My work week expanded from 4 days to 5, and requires a great deal more brainspace than before. Should be back in the swing of it soon.

 

(but man, am I tired of being tired...it's ridiculous).

[cranebump]

CONTRACT: Indentured Insurgents [ID 54163] by @Dracses

This 2023, 3-mission, L24-30 arc places you in the role of mercenary stepping into a situation involving everyone’s favorite bomb-tossing miners and Arachnos. You start out by “subduing” the Scrappies while rescuing a supervisor. Your services are then retained to look further into things, where, of course, it’s Transformer-ville (er…more than meets the eye).

 

Clever use of: friendly bosses to deliver ambiance; friendly Defend Object as critter spawners; ambushes to keep you on your toes; renaming of supplies as “Protester Barricades” [liked that one a lot]); protester banter; the rivalry between the contact and and an NPC named Milano (Extra points for an American Psycho ref [“fancy business cards”):-); enemy bosses delivering key plot details (so that don’t you don't get massive text pop ups all over the screen (since it triggers by engaging the non-objective boss directly); reskinning objects to fit the story. Just lots of nice little details. 

 

Design issues? Oh, yeah. There’s an incomplete clue in M1 (“Some of the protesters mentioned…” and we never find out who). Repetition of popup and end mish text (both M1 and M2 had this–they end pop and the mish end text is exactly the same). LOOOONG activation timers on final mish glowies (15 seconds. Each). A passel of glowies with no end text (M2). Missing search bar text on the actual M2 glowie objective, followed by Find Mission Exit, but nothing much to fight through (nothing that I saw anyway). Then there’s the past-tense mention of by the contact in M3 of what is ACTUALLY being mined, while I saw no clue of this in the mish preceding it , leading to the exchange: “Remember, we’re mining __________.” (Remember? This is the first I’ve heard of it!). Oh, and…a cake map. Boo.:-)

 

On the whole, I LIKE this story idea. A LOT. I like that the text is clean and clear (edited). I like seeing the Scrapyarders. The plot twist is pretty clever, too. There’s great development of the contact’s personality, and really nice scene setting in M1. But, on the whole, it just not finished yet. Minor design flaws prevent this from shining as bright as it could. As such, we have a Seal of Approval with a very nice sheen on one side, while the other could stand a burnish.

 

PLAY THIS IF: You like to mix it up with Scrapyarders. You're a fan of good character writing. You like glowing green crystals. 

 

NOTE: @Dracses has a dozen stories, many of them created in 2024. Making a note to try another sometime.

[VioLight]

Thank you for this!

[cranebump]

A Contract in Black and Blood [ID64304] by @Jiro Ito 

This SEP 2024 entry places you in the L45-54 range, in the Isles, where you’re asked by Mr. Black of Gadzul Oil  to grab an old tome while offing the inimitable Mr. Bocor (last seen talking [and doing] some nasty ass shite in Port Oakes). Bocor played a major role in my own magic-themed arc, The Bleed (where I offer a perfectly logical explanation for him being such an asshole {a subject for another time, no?}).

 

We jump right in, raid the place, and get an offer to turn on our employer (um, sorry…nope…and anyway, we didn’t finish the job-part of the book — it’s missing). We then are sent after Virgil Tarikoss, and I’m like YEEEAH! -- I don’t like that bastard either! I find Virg hanging out in close proximity with a MM boss with his pets dropped. THAT was a scrum. Having gotten the book, Malta awaits, where I reprogram a Kronos Titan (which shows up as an Ally and starts zotzing people -- MY BUDDY!). I bring back a Soul-Trapped Gem (because my employers have evidently NEVER heard of Wentworth’s). Of course this gem needs a soul to, um, POWER it, so I get sent into the Zig (because every escaped criminal wants to go back to jail to show his progress out there in the real world). After procuring the necessary, er...COMPONENT, I’m asked to pretty-please help with a ritual (that I’m **pretty** sure is going to involve me having my heart devoured, or something of that ilk). Was I right? Well...I’ll just leave you to play it to see.

 

VERDICT: 5/5. Typically well-constructed, cleanly written. A great example of the quality of work this author always presents. There are a lot of objectives, but most of them are optional. So you can delve as far into the bigger story as you see fit. A bit of an “enemies tour,” with some non-standard map selections for at least 1 enemy group (a boon to those who hate caves). Clever bit with the Kronos Titan (Frieeeeeend...), as well as several cameos from the vill side to, er...engage with. All in all, a solidly constructed arc that allows you to choose your pacing. Well done. A Bloody-Black Seal of Shining Approval. PLAY IF: You’re a nasty vill looking to do legwork for fun and profit. OR: if you demand excellently composed missions, with a wide array of choice. A very well-done arc!  

 

Edited November 2, 2024 by cranebump

[Jiro Ito]

On 10/30/2024 at 4:21 PM, cranebump said:

A Contract in Black and Blood [ID64304] by @Jiro Ito 

This SEP 2024 entry places you in the L45-54 range, in the Isles, where you’re asked by Mr. Black of Gadzul Oil  to grab an old tome while offing the inimitable Mr. Bocor (last seen talking [and doing] some nasty ass shite in Port Oakes). Bocor played a major role in my own magic-themed arc, The Bleed (where I offer a perfectly logical explanation for him being such an asshole {a subject for another time, no?}).

 

We jump right in, raid the place, and get an offer to turn on our employer (um, sorry…nope…and anyway, we didn’t finish the job-part of the book — it’s missing). We then are sent after Virgil Tarikoss, and I’m like YEEEAH! -- I don’t like that bastard either! I find Virg hanging out in close proximity with a MM boss with his pets dropped. THAT was a scrum. Having gotten the book, Malta awaits, where I reprogram a Kronos Titan (which shows up as an Ally and starts zotzing people -- MY BUDDY!). I bring back a Soul-Trapped Gem (because my employers have evidently NEVER heard of Wentworth’s). Of course this gem needs a soul to, um, POWER it, so I get sent into the Zig (because every escaped criminal wants to go back to jail to show his progress out there in the real world). After procuring the necessary, er...COMPONENT, I’m asked to pretty-please help with a ritual (that I’m **pretty** sure is going to involve me having my heart devoured, or something of that ilk). Was I right? Well...I’ll just leave you to play it to see.

 

VERDICT: 5/5. Typically well-constructed, cleanly written. A great example of the quality of work this author always presents. There are a lot of objectives, but most of them are optional. So you can delve as far into the bigger story as you see fit. A bit of an “enemies tour,” with some non-standard map selections for at least 1 enemy group (a boon to those who hate caves). Clever bit with the Kronos Titan (Frieeeeeend...), as well as several cameos from the vill side to, er...engage with. All in all, a solidly constructed arc that allows you to choose your pacing. Well done. A Bloody-Black Seal of Shining Approval. PLAY IF: You’re a nasty vill looking to do legwork for fun and profit. OR: if you demand excellently composed missions, with a wide array of choice. A very well-done arc!  

 

 

Thanks so much for playing, my friend!  I'm a little embarrassed, as I am in the middle of doing a little rewriting on this one so some bits probably didn't make sense.  I have a larger scheme in mind that I wanted to integrate this into, but it takes me so long to complete these.

 

The escort portion still does not work correctly 😞

 

The Kronos Titan part is my favorite thing I've ever done - that, and when running on /+8, the huge collections of low level citizens that I send flying into the stratosphere with Mighty Judgement.  

[Zhym]

On 11/4/2024 at 6:45 PM, Jiro Ito said:

The escort portion still does not work correctly 😞

 

I just played this (great arc, BTW), and had trouble with that too.  That room with the platforms confuses the heck out of NPCs, I think.

 

Also:

Spoiler

Is the "Mission Complete!" button supposed to come up before defeating Mr. Black?  It seemed odd that it would—but then the closing text says "escaped," not "defeated," so maybe that was intentional.  Seemed a bit weird at the time, though.

 

[Jiro Ito]

2 hours ago, Zhym said:

 

I just played this (great arc, BTW), and had trouble with that too.  That room with the platforms confuses the heck out of NPCs, I think.

 

 

Thanks for playing!  I gave up on the Escort and switched it to Ally.

 

Spoiler comments:

 

Spoiler

Mr. Black doesn't betray you until after you do his bidding, and the mission completes after the portal is clicked so there's no way for me to force the player to confront him.  The way the "betray" feature in the game is done makes it so the mission will complete whether you defeat the Betrayer or not, so it's up to the player whether or not they want to throw hands with Mr. Black.  I could throw something in like "Player must leave through mission entrance door" so the player is forced to run back through and face him, but I try to make things as player-friendly as possible, so I settled on closing the mission text with "escaped" so we're covered whether you fought him or bailed.  Sometimes we gotta do our best within the limits of the system.

 

 

 

On 10/30/2024 at 4:21 PM, cranebump said:

A Contract in Black and Blood [ID64304] by @Jiro Ito 

A bit of an “enemies tour,”

 

 

I originally had some more custom enemy groups, but they pushed my file size over the workable limit so I settled for vanilla groups and added custom AVs to them to do the best I could.

[Zhym]

39 minutes ago, Jiro Ito said:

Spoiler comments:

 

  Hide contents

Mr. Black doesn't betray you until after you do his bidding, and the mission completes after the portal is clicked so there's no way for me to force the player to confront him.  The way the "betray" feature in the game is done makes it so the mission will complete whether you defeat the Betrayer or not, so it's up to the player whether or not they want to throw hands with Mr. Black.  I could throw something in like "Player must leave through mission entrance door" so the player is forced to run back through and face him, but I try to make things as player-friendly as possible, so I settled on closing the mission text with "escaped" so we're covered whether you fought him or bailed.  Sometimes we gotta do our best within the limits of the system.

 

I figured it was something like that.  When in doubt, assume AE limitations.

[cranebump]

2 hours ago, Jiro Ito said:

I originally had some more custom enemy groups, but they pushed my file size over the workable limit so I settled for vanilla groups and added custom AVs to them to do the best I could.

I didn't mean that to sound like a negative. Probably should've said what it was: mainly stock vills with a few customs. Sorry about that.

[Jiro Ito]

On 11/8/2024 at 4:35 PM, cranebump said:

I didn't mean that to sound like a negative. Probably should've said what it was: mainly stock vills with a few customs. Sorry about that.

 

All good, i knew what you meant!

[cranebump]

Allegedly Your Death (ID: 65297) by @First of Equals (boardsig: @sponazgul)

This recent (Dec 5th of this year),* well-regarded arc casts you in the role of Batm-, errrrrr, a vigilante type hero who takes on threats like Puffin, and the Confounder. Thankfully, you have your faithful butler, Alfred Pen-, um…Browith Wingstringham to help you out as you unravel a nefarious, transdimensonal plot leading to...YOUR DEATH (I'm serious here [you'll see]). Since I am, indeed, running a toon named Devil Bat, whose bio reads, in part, Orphaned when his parents were slain in a senseless robbery, I feel, em, uniquely suited to the task.:-)

 

No (more) spoilers here. Just know that it’s a humdinger of an arc that plays on the Chiroptera’s detective side while being firmly connected to our own City of Heroes (and to vigilante playboys everywhere). VERY enjoyable. A shining Seal of Approval floating in the passing clouds of the night sky, hovering like a crusading spectre over the gloom below. PLAY IF: You enjoy a fast-paced, well-written, tongue-in-cheek homage to dark knights and their faithful butlers (also play for a really great [and playful] poke at AE itself).

 

Oh, and you should also play just to hear Manticore being called a chode (g**damn is THAT on point).:-)

 

Worth your time, people! Suit up!

 

*which just happens to be mine and Walt Disney’s birthday (and we know who, among the two of us, has made greater contributions to mankind, don't we?  [frantically points to self, while vigorously shaking head in an imploring manner]).:-)

[sponazgul]

46 minutes ago, cranebump said:

Allegedly Your Death (ID: 65297) by @First of Equals (boardsig: @sponazgul)

This recent (Dec 5th of this year),* well-regarded arc casts you in the role of Batm-, errrrrr, a vigilante type hero who takes on threats like Puffin, and the Confounder. Thankfully, you have your faithful butler, Alfred Pen-, um…Browith Wingstringham to help you out as you unravel a nefarious, transdimensonal plot leading to...YOUR DEATH (I'm serious here [you'll see]). Since I am, indeed, running a toon named Devil Bat, whose bio reads, in part, Orphaned when his parents were slain in a senseless robbery, I feel, em, uniquely suited to the task.:-)

 

No (more) spoilers here. Just know that it’s a humdinger of an arc that plays on the Chiroptera’s detective side while being firmly connected to our own City of Heroes (and to vigilante playboys everywhere). VERY enjoyable. A shining Seal of Approval floating in the passing clouds of the night sky, hovering like a crusading spectre over the gloom below. PLAY IF: You enjoy a fast-paced, well-written, tongue-in-cheek homage to dark knights and their faithful butlers (also play for a really great [and playful] poke at AE itself).

 

Oh, and you should also play just to hear Manticore being called a chode (g**damn is THAT on point).:-)

 

Worth your time, people! Suit up!

 

*which just happens to be mine and Walt Disney’s birthday (and we know who, among the two of us, has made greater contributions to mankind, don't we?  [frantically points to self, while vigorously shaking head in an imploring manner]).:-)

 

 

Cranebump, this review fills me with joy. Thank you for running Allegedly, Your Death - and I'm particularly glad you played it with a thematically-suited character.

 

Best regards!

[Zhym]

5 hours ago, sponazgul said:

 

 

Cranebump, this review fills me with joy. Thank you for running Allegedly, Your Death - and I'm particularly glad you played it with a thematically-suited character.

 

Best regards!

The character I played it with wasn't quite as on-point as @cranebump's, but here's who I used:

 

Edited December 15, 2024 by Zhym

[sponazgul]

10 hours ago, Zhym said:

The character I played it with wasn't quite as on-point as @cranebump's, but here's who I used:

 

 

Still, Very Thematic!

[cranebump]

Consideration of Knowledge [Arc ID: 65341] by @ZamuelNow

This brilliantly-executed idea is a training arc for AE creators, in which you gain helpful hints and tips while you play through the arc. Zammie provides info through various means, including helpful read-throughs in the clickable enemy text. The main thing is, you experience the effects of said tips & tricks as you go. Again, brilliant. As for the deets,you can find the author's own presentation right here: 

Since Zam has explained this one already, there's no need for me to get into the particulars. Rather, I'll just grant a special, glimmering, holographic Seal of Approval for yet another idea I wish I'd thought of. Just a really cool way to learn about the oftentimes wonky engine of which so many have (like the author of this piece) have made such creative use (sheesh...is that even a sentence? I tried.).:-)

PLAY IF: I'd play it just for the experience (even if you're a vet AE author). BUT: if you're thinking of stepping into the clay pit of mission authoring, this gem is a must. Very well done!

Edited December 21, 2024 by cranebump

[cranebump]

 

 

NOTE: This is a resubmitted view of the longer one I put here before. (Never post when you're pissed off). Anyway, this one's more even-handed and in the spirit of what these reviews are intended to promote. Sorry for the initial display of douche baggery.

 

Galaxy Schmalaxy:Constellation Row (Arc ID: 65609) by @Forager

 

This new, lowbie (L10-20) arc sends us back to Galaxy City, offering some ancillary support to whatever the heck is going on there. Officer Daniels warns us not to go underground. So, of course, we do that first. We’re told we’ll get some help from Forager, who promptly runs outside when we free him from some nasty Shivans (thanks, Forager). Too bad. We coulda used him against the mother of all ambushes that followed. Same thing happens when we rescue Blue Spectrum, who’s digging for something while telling us we should not be there (ambush follows). NOTE: Blue Spectrum has default descriptive text. Forager’s text is…well, it’s unique, let’s say. At least BS is helpful as an ally. We follow up with Mish 2, where we’re supposed to meet up with Daniels at the PPD. This is actually a clever little interlude, but ultimately could’ve been handled with text, as all you’re doing is clicking a couple glowies. The last mish has multiple objectives, ambuishes and a 15-minute timer.

 

The arc is presented as a “challenge” arc, the challenges being baked in mainly as ambushes (early on espeically), and a very short timer (the finale). The author has presented advice on these boards about how you can avoid such some of the major challenges in M1 by beelining to the objective and skipping fights. The same is true of the finale, as well (though I don’t recall that being advertised or advised elsewhere). After dealing with a rather HUGE ambish in M1, then getting mapserved, I beelined to the end, skipping most of the other content on the 2nd run.

 

Unfortunately, I did not beeline the finale mish, and was unable to complete the objective that spawned off the rescue due to the timer running out (so I don’t know what comes after that). Pretty sure I’d have been fine if I had gone to the  objective first. But that would’ve involved skipping 3 other floors of content, to include some optional allies. I chose not to skip, and was penalized for it. I also feel the mish is penalized for it, as well, since any player running through it is going to be way too under the gun time-wise to enjoy any details the other floors present. Unless they go straight to the end, complete everything to shut off the timer, then decide to go back through anything they skipped. Doable, I suppose. But I don’t believe most players like to play that way. Extending the timer to even 30 mins would enhance this mish by allowing the player more latitude to explore. Or, you know – go to the bathroom, if need be. This mish would also work well as the first mission in the arc, since it presents a stronger framework for the entire "rescue people" premise, imho.

 

OVERALL: Design chops are plenty good. I’d say 5/5, since everything works the way it’s supposed to (especially ambushes, including some friendlies). It’s cleanly written. Now, narratively? Hm. I had problems there. I felt confused as to why my hero was there in the first place (subsequent reviews indicate I must've missed something, but I'm not typically that oblivious, so... Even if I did miss something I also wondered why, after receiving a warning not to do certain things (“don’t go underground”), I did them anyway, without any sort of narrative reason that I could see [ex: “Screw orders! I’m saving my friends!”]). Maybe all this was implied, but, this being my 3rd edit of this review, I no longer remember. Anyhoo, we get into M2, which, while an interesting change of pace, felt like a wasted mish slot for such a short arc (I think this mish would’ve benefitted by having me talk to NPCs to get those clues, putting a face on the situation -- that said the PPD map has very few usable objectives). And then you have the very short timer in M3, which means I didn't finish the misssion as intended. And since I’m much more of a “story over design” AE player, and since I ended up failing due to said design element, it colored my overall experience. I felt rushed through, in some cases pounded on, and then didn't even succeed (even though I didn't lose any actual battles in M3). I know some stories have you fail and your hero learns a character lesson and such. But I failed after I saved Daniels, so it was pretty disappointing. All this said, the arc itself is plenty playable, and has some design elements that others who don't swell on the things I do might enjoy (noted below).

 

PLAY IF: (1) You want to take on some tough (albeit optional) encounters in the L20 range; (2)  if you want to beat a short timer on a fairly long map; and (3) you’re more about getting right to the action, rather than delving deeply into story and/or character details. It’s a pretty straightforward hack-n-slash. If that’s up your alley, this is a rather quick diversion into it.

 

Edited January 7 by cranebump

[Forager]

Edit: cranebump put out the fire. Thank you for the review.

 

It was strictly the accusation of the story being illogical that set me off.

 

Hack n' slash is definitely fair. The character's motivation? That is and always will be yours to determine.

Edited January 8 by Forager

[Raikao]

On 1/5/2025 at 2:22 AM, Forager said:

Your review is blatantly, demonstrably false. It is explained in short paragraphs and small words what you are helping Daniels do and why you're there. If you're not going to read the missions you shouldn't be doing reviews. If you need me to write your character's bio, let me know and I'll think of a motivation for you.

 

Blue Spec does need a description though. Thanks for that. More stuff like that and less lies and personal attacks in your reviews would be useful. The rest of this is trash. You said it has no logical story?

 

It's a traditional three act lol. Act 1: you're helping Daniels with the Galaxy City case. Act 2: seems like everything's going well, but Daniels goes missing! Oh no. Looks like Act 3 is we go get him and bring him home.

 

Logic. Story.

 

You can think the story is boring, or uninteresting. But to say that it is not a logical story is intellectually dishonest. I would normally give the benefit of the doubt and assume it was a statement made out of ignorance, but it seems like you kinda do this all the time, so you should know that you were wrong.

 

We are only but a few, so imho, even when disagreeing vehemently with each other (which I am good at too) we should strife for peace. Now if what you say is true, I can certainly understand feeling slighted.

 

So I will offer a solution: Today when I get home I will first login on my main and play through your mission. Call it an impartial third opinion. I wont even speculate on why crane seems to have such a vastly different impression from how you see you own work. I will just let it speak for itself and report back in....12-ish hours.

[sponazgul]

8 hours ago, Raikao said:

 

We are only but a few, so imho, even when disagreeing vehemently with each other (which I am good at too) we should strife for peace. Now if what you say is true, I can certainly understand feeling slighted.

 

So I will offer a solution: Today when I get home I will first login on my main and play through your mission. Call it an impartial third opinion. I wont even speculate on why crane seems to have such a vastly different impression from how you see you own work. I will just let it speak for itself and report back in....12-ish hours.

 

Raikao, for some updated context, you might want to read the latest in Forager's thread for his mission arc. The missions have been updated based on some recent feedback, so the story you run through won't exactly be the same as the story Crane reviewed. (I'll need to go through Forager's updated missions as well, to see what's been changed.)

[cranebump]

On 1/4/2025 at 8:22 PM, Forager said:

Your review is blatantly, demonstrably false. It is explained in short paragraphs and small words what you are helping Daniels do and why you're there. If you're not going to read the missions you shouldn't be doing reviews. If you need me to write your character's bio, let me know and I'll think of a motivation for you.

 

Blue Spec does need a description though. Thanks for that. More stuff like that and less lies and personal attacks in your reviews would be useful. The rest of this is trash. You said it has no logical story?

 

It's a traditional three act lol. Act 1: you're helping Daniels with the Galaxy City case. Act 2: seems like everything's going well, but Daniels goes missing! Oh no. Looks like Act 3 is we go get him and bring him home.

 

Logic. Story.

 

You can think the story is boring, or uninteresting. But to say that it is not a logical story is intellectually dishonest. I would normally give the benefit of the doubt and assume it was a statement made out of ignorance, but it seems like you kinda do this all the time, so you should know that you were wrong.

Well...I'll avoid any sort of argument about how to write, since I know quite a bit about that. 

 

I'll grant that saying the story was illogical was an inaccurate assessment. Whether I do reviews all the time or not doesn't make me mistake-proof. Given that, then, It would be more accurate for me to say that I found the story rather thin, and nearly devoid of characterization. These are deficiencies in my view, since I like a strong story with my AE. I have my own ideas on that, and, as a consumer, I'm entitled to them (as you've already said, above)

 

Please bear in mind, though, that plenty of other people don't give a shit about story and character detail. I'm just one opinion. I do think that, by focusing so much on "challenge" you lose an opportunity to enjoy what details you actually do have there. Especially in the finale, which I was forced to rush through due to the timer being so short. In any case, I presented a more balanced version of the review, above, one that I hope recognizes differences in taste.  My last word on the whole story thing is that, the story might've been "logical," but, the bare bones way it was presented felt like it was something obligatory that was getting in the way of your level design. Something set in the background to get to the next mission, or mob, or objective.  But, again, I'm just one person. Others prefer just that in their missions.

 

I do have some nagging questions, btw:

(1) Why AM I helping Daniels?  I assume this is tied in with the original Shivan invasion, right? Blue Spectrum showing up and such? Okay, then. I didn't see it blatantly stated there (or, really, what my specific task was in the whole affair -- gathering some sort of info, iirc). Regardless, it struck me that I was told NOT to go underground, and then was placed directly underground. Why did I do that? Do I know something Daniels doesn't? I found that hard to get past.

 

(2) Why did I get ambushed by Trolls after I rescued some Trolls? I couldn't sort that out. Maybe it's in there, but, since I was on a short timer, I didn't have time to peruse the details (assuming they were there).

 

Oh, and by the by: personal attacks? C'mon...

 

While I admit douche baggery was a prime motivation for my initial, scattered review, a personal attack goes like this:

"Cranebump is a douche bag."

 

Whereas: 

 

"Cranebump's arcs are heavy-handed on useless details and filled with time-wasting glowies. He also makes his bosses too hard" is not.

 

I might not've liked your story, but I don't know shit about - nor did I say shit about - you personally.  We may differ on what constitutes strong writing, or story, but I feel like we can both agree that, when putting work into the public arena, it's a good idea to separate the work from the person. I don't know about anyone else, but, when it comes to crafting stories and such, I know I don't shit gold. (Anky does that--effortlessly):-)

 

 

Edited January 7 by cranebump

[Raikao]

1 hour ago, sponazgul said:

 

Raikao, for some updated context, you might want to read the latest in Forager's thread for his mission arc. The missions have been updated based on some recent feedback, so the story you run through won't exactly be the same as the story Crane reviewed. (I'll need to go through Forager's updated missions as well, to see what's been changed.)

 

Well I can only judge what I played. 

First Mission: Shivans cause chaos in Galaxy City. Seems pretty clear. The clues texts are good. Good ambushes. Do I know why there are some random NPCs in the mission? No but one is an author cameo and Blue Spectre is probably some NPC already in the game? I forgot how to play my character and went in +1/x1 and it was fine.

Second Mission: No going underground, got it. For suuure this time. First clicky found, I didn't understand the second objective. "Resupply" doesn't tell me much. It was another clicky and it tooke <2 minutes but still, might want to change the objective "Resupply with Daniel's weapons" maybe?

Third Mission: Okay I'm starting to get it. The problems I mean. 

 

So here are my 2 cents on it: Complaining about "not knowing why I'm here" is indeed a sign of lack of reading and nothing else. It is very clear why and parts that seem slighlty confusing at first (like who Blue Spectre and Forager are supposed to be in the story) get context later. That being said: I would restructure the adventure in so far as that once done with mission 1, there should be some text from Daniels about Forager and Blue Spectre. Stuff like "oh yeah you're not the only person I work with, but those two knuckleheads are soley responsible for rule #2 and #3....which I will explain another time we have to get to my supplies" and then mission 2 happens etc.

 

Loose the timer on the last mission. Looking for NPCs in cramped office maps is one thing, but if I had put the difficulty up to something more challenging (which makes fights last longer) I would have never completed the mission. I don't think the timer is necessary in terms of narrative or design. It's good as it is.

 

I understand why you went off a little, because the first things mentioned where not fair at all (like not knowing the premise etc). Other things where fair to point out though. I think some more context between mission 1->2 and 2->3 would help a long way. 3/5 stars as I played it. 4/5 stars easily with slight tweaks.

 

And I agree with crane that putting mission 3 first, as in you pick up a frantic radio signal and it's some guy named Daniels looking for help. You rescue civilians during Shivan attack, Daniels as well, who says "we are saving the Skulls too" then afterwards you go to police station to gear up and get your bearing, Daniels talks about his two buddies, wondering where they are. You get mission 3, stop Shivans from steamrolling the city OR find clues about the Shivans and then oh look his two buddies are here helping. We save the whole gang.

 

Just food for thought. But it is fine as it is right now, with some small tweaks.

Edited January 7 by Raikao

[cranebump]

10 hours ago, Raikao said:

 

We are only but a few, so imho, even when disagreeing vehemently with each other (which I am good at too) we should strife for peace. Now if what you say is true, I can certainly understand feeling slighted.

 

So I will offer a solution: Today when I get home I will first login on my main and play through your mission. Call it an impartial third opinion. I wont even speculate on why crane seems to have such a vastly different impression from how you see you own work. I will just let it speak for itself and report back in....12-ish hours.

I did offer up a rather harsh, poorly-composed review. I've edited it to present something more balanced (and indicative of what I normally present). That said, another review is a good idea. I keep saying I'm only one opinion. Not sure that's being heard. 

Edited January 7 by cranebump

[Zhym]

On 1/5/2025 at 12:03 AM, cranebump said:

I also feel the mish is penalized for it, as well, since any player running through it is going to be way too under the gun time-wise to enjoy any details the other floors present. Unless they go straight to the end, complete everything to shut off the timer, then decide to go back through anything they skipped. Doable, I suppose. But I don’t believe most players like to play that way. Extending the timer to even 30 mins would enhance this mish by allowing the player more latitude to explore. Or, you know – go to the bathroom, if need be.

Did I just see @cranebump complain about a mission timer?  Get back on your own side of the street—that's my turf! 

 

I haven't played the arc in question, and given the author's hostile reaction to cranebump's review, I'm not likely to.  Rule #1 for authors of any kind is that some people will hate what you wrote, or just not understand it.  That doesn't make them wrong or their reviews false.  I can't tell you how many times I've written something (usually a report, or draft of an academic paper, or even an e-mail) and gotten a response that indicated that the reader clearly hadn't read carefully, or completely misinterpreted what I wrote.  But that wasn't (entirely) their fault.  It just meant that I needed to do a better job of communicating the point I wanted to make.  By the same token, "I felt confused as to why my hero was there in the first place" is not a lie; good authors will take that as a sign that they might want to be clearer about establishing the scene for less-than-attentive readers.  (Not all readers read every word carefully—shocking, I know!)

 

But I'd also say that the community of story-focused AE authors is so small, and the process of creating story-focused AE arcs so arduous, that an unsolicited scathing review of any AE arc seems rather churlish.  What's the point of such a review?  If it's to warn players away, story-focused arcs are already so lost in a sea of fire farms that most players probably wouldn't even know about the reviewed arc if not for the review.  I'm not saying that every review needs to be glowing, but if the arc isn't worth playing it probably isn't worth reviewing, either.   

Edited January 7 by Zhym