QueenBethari

Thanks so much for sharing, @kallistiuk. They were fun reads!

Haha, I guess you're right. 😄 It's not that adverbs are bad, it's just that they can occasionally (look, an adverb!) get overused. I'm probably overly cautious. (OMG, I can't stop.) ...and since we've been talking about adverbs, I've got that song stuck in my head. EDIT: I reworked some of the text. Changes (once again) are in green.

I'll have to look at that exchange again. That's what I meant, but sometimes it's hard to put it into words. Me, too. I wanted her to have a reaction of some kind. "Creepy" didn't feel like a good fit, but it was all I could think of. Thanks for the suggestions! Good point. I try to avoid adverbs whenever I can, but maybe it's warranted here? Is there a stronger verb than "glare" I could use? Maybe glower or scowl?

I think he looks a lot like a gorilla!

Thanks, @Dacy. This is a scene I've been wanting to write for a while. I'm really excited about it because it begins to show what's so special about Marilyn. (Honestly, I would have liked to add some more details about her background, but I wasn't sure where to put them.) I hope you all enjoy. Constructive criticism is appreciated. ❤️ Pocket D Annabel couldn't believe it. She was actually standing inside Pocket D. Entry had been easier than she anticipated. The bouncer hadn't asked for ID; she just waved them through with a warning not to start a fight. What did she mean by that? Annabel wondered. Do fights break out that often? "Could you please tell me why we're here?" asked Marilyn, interrupting her friend's train of thought. "Oh, right!" Annabel gasped. "I was going to tell you sooner, but I didn't want to spoil the surprise." Marilyn rolled her eyes. Annabel ignored her. "We are going to look for a real, un-alive vampire," Annabel said. As soon as those words were spoken, she spotted a group of college students with pale skin and black hair. She made a beeline towards them. She was so close to meeting an actual bloodsucker, she could taste it. "What are you doing?" Marilyn hissed. "Huh?" Annabel replied. "Those aren't real vampires," her friend stated. "Why? Because vampires aren't real?" "No, it's because I can see their rosy faces underneath that makeup." Marilyn had to be joking, right? It wasn't like her friend to say something so...creepy. "Okay, then," Annabel laughed nervously, "Point out a real one." Marilyn pointed to a man in a parka. He was sitting alone in a booth near the back of the club, nursing a cheap beer. A pair of ski goggles rested on his head. He had blond hair and the worst sunburn Annabel had ever seen. "No, I'm serious," Annabel prodded. "You can stop kidding around now." "So am I," Marilyn replied. "Can't you see the deathly paleness of his flesh, the hunger in his eyes, the bluish undertones?" "Bluish undertones?! He he's redder than a blushing lobster!" "Go up to the man and say the words, 'Greetings, Kindred,'" said Marilyn. "You'll see." "Okay, I will!" Annabel replied. She marched towards the skier. She stopped right outside his booth. Worries of what she would do if her friend was right bubbled within her. Buck up, she told herself. If there was one thing she wouldn't let stop her, it was the consequences. She hopped on the seat opposite the sunburned man and said those fateful words: "Greetings, Kindred." To Annabel's astonishment, the sunburn faded from lobster red to a deathly bluish white. Annabel could see two sharp, pointy fangs as the man began to form his reply, "Greetings, K-" Then he noticed who was sitting there. His face turned red again and he glared and glared - not at Annabel, but at Marilyn.

Lemon Water The "wellness space" didn't look like any school nurse's office Marilyn had ever seen. The waiting area had a soaring exposed ceiling, bare redbrick walls, and comfortable chairs. As promised, there was a cooler filled with icy lemon water. Marilyn filled two paper cups. She handed one to Annabel, then sank into one of the chairs. Marilyn took a sip. "This is really good water," she said. "I know, right?" Annabel replied. She drained her cup. Sorry again for the really short section. I need to pick a direction for this scene to go, but my brain isn't cooperating with me today. At least it's something, right?

I don't have anything new yet for Marilyn and Annabel, but I have been world-building. 🗺️ Here's a little sneak peek:

I don't know if this is an improvement...is there a way to put non-soldier armor on an Arachnos Soldier? ItsyBitsyB.costume

Yes! I would love some parkas!

I would like it if they updated the models and textures of some of the hairstyles. Can we please have more polygons? PLEASE?

Thanks, @Dacy for reading it again! I really like your ideas, especially the part about other people snickering. It makes the next sentence make more sense! Reading it again, it does look like Marilyn changes her mind too quickly (and for no reason). Thanks for pointing that out!

Hey, @Dacy! Here is a quick revision of Student Orientation. The changes have been highlighted in green. I hope the passage flows better. Sorry for the double post. 😅

@iynxI agree with Dacy. I could just feel the tension!

I think I just overreacted. I love your input and I will be revising this piece in a couple days. 😄

Sorry it wasn't very clear. 😞 It took me several days to write that blurb - although it probably doesn't look like it. I made a detailed outline, then got overwhelmed by the details.

Thanks so much, @Christopher Robin and @Dacy. You've really helped me a lot. I'm not so stuck inside my head anymore (hooray!) Here's the next part of Marilyn and Annabel's story. I hope you guys enjoy it. Student Orientation The roommates made their way outdoors. Annabel twirled a flimsy umbrella over her shoulder. That gave Marilyn pause. The skies were a clear blue. She asked, "Is it going to rain today?" "No, silly. I'm a vampire." She held the umbrella at a rakish angle - which blocked out zero sun. "Right." Annabel didn't seem to hear. "The quad is this way," she said. The "quad" was more of a triangle - a small grassy area with park benches and a couple trees. A woman with the biggest Afro Marilyn had ever seen stood under a tree. She was making notes on a clipboard. A group of about thirty students sat in a semicircle around her. "Gather around, Gifted Explorers," she said, gesturing to the grass. Marilyn didn't relish the idea of sitting on the ground, especially when there were options that didn't cause grass stains. In protest, she selected a spot as far away from the teacher (and other students) as possible. Annabel did the opposite. The teacher took no notice. "Listen up," she said. "I'm Ms. Pal, your school counselor. S.A.G.E. is no ordinary boarding school. We prize freedom and discovery, but there are some ground rules first." The students groaned. A breathy voice whispered, "So bright, it burns!" "Stop that. It tickles!" said Marilyn. She looked behind her. There was no one there. Towards the front of the crowd, a hand shot up. "Uh, Ms. Pal?" said Annabel, "Can I go inside? I have a severe sun allergy." Ms. Pal rolled her eyes. "You may go to the Wellness Space. Take your buddy with you." Annabel yanked Marilyn to her feet and dragged her inside the main school building. Marilyn had a ton of questions, but the first that came to her lips was, "What's a Wellness Space?" Annabel laughed. "It's a glorified nurse's office. Let's go. They have lemon water." Marilyn considered telling Annabel how odd it was for a vampire to drink something that wasn't blood, but decided against it. Lemon water sounded nice.

You know what's amazing? I started with a simple idea about a wannabe vampire and her reluctant sidekick, but now it's grown into a jungle of competing ideas. There's a bunch of scenes that I'm just dying to write, but they're kinda overwhelming me. I'm also trying to get to know Annabel. Here's a major question that I'm trying to resolve: What are your thoughts about this? Thank you so much for all your valuable insight. 🙂

Hey, I'd love it! I could use all the writing tips I can get - especially when it comes to plots. Also, I need to stop stalling and start writing! Come on brain, you can do it! Annabel Pitches In Annabel sulked. She was condemned to another boring school year. She was about to throw herself the world's biggest pity party when she noticed Marilyn struggling to fit a ginormous cardboard box past the narrow door frame. Annabel sighed. This girl needed help - even if she was lame. She grabbed the front end and tugged with all her might. Finally, she felt the box give. It was almost inside when RRRRIPP! Dozens of brand-new Salamanca Gifted Explorers uniforms tumbled to the floor. Could this day get any worse? she thought. "Come on girls," came a cheery voice from the hall. "It's time for student orientation." Sorry this episode is so short - I think I had a tiny bit of reverse writer's block. I had so many ideas, I didn't know which to go with first. I wrote something short and sweet instead. 😄

Hooray! You get a cookie! 🍪

Sorry for the double post. I just wanted to add another costume of my own. Who is she? First person to guess correctly gets a cookie! 🍪

@First Player My favorite has got to be Throwback. He looks like he's about to go back to the future to do some totally rad skateboarding.

The name is just perfect 😍

Congrats, @Barbarette! I can't wait to see what you and @Christopher Robin put together!

@Dacy I can understand how you feel. It's wonderful to know that someone has read what you've written, but it's equally frustrating when it seems like no one cares. It's always nice to be reminded of the positive feedback you've received. Speaking of feedback - are you guys ready for Marilyn's reaction to her new roommate? Move-In Day: Part 2 The door was answered by a girl who looked to be about twelve years old. The girl was a few inches shorter than Marilyn, scrawny, and wore gobs and gobs of white makeup. She had a silly, cherry-red grin on her face. This kid couldn't actually be her new roommate, could it? "Hello, I'm Marilyn. It's so nice to finally meet you." The girl's face fell. "Oh," she said. She widened the door, then flopped down on her bed. "Come in." Marilyn clenched her teeth. Everyone always reacted to her the same way. At first, they'd be incredibly excited to meet her. Then, they'd ask her if she was descended from an evil wizard, or half fish, or completely insane. She would reply, "No." After they found out how ordinary she was, the nice ones would forget she ever existed. The mean ones would - well, she'd rather not think about it. It was all because of her name - that singular, cursed surname: Lovecraft. Why had she thought things would be different outside of Arkham?

It's like you read my plot twist! (Not that it's going to be much of one, but still...)