cranebump

Batties FL Excursion (cont). Our thoughts now turn to Ms. Yin. Like Jim, Penny’s missing someone. Her padre. Also Doc (I’m Almost As Crae As Fusionette [and a distant 3rd behind Lady Crae-Grey) Delilah is missing. I have a few theories to share. Like, maybe she's moonlighting?: No? How about: Starring in a big budget film?...No? Okay, that exhausts my detective prowess, so, off I go. Naturally, I find my FAVORITE bad guys there: And I’m just heels over head about it! Y’know, I’m not sure Doc needs my help. She’s like 7’ tall: And she throws boulders: After I “help out” Ms. Goliath, Jim gets a call from Cantalope, er I mean, Pen-a-lope, and she sends me after Muxley. I handle that with a plum (or possibly aplomb? [insert something good here]). It’s right after this that history reaches a nexus point - a moment in which the entire future of the world rests. So close to rewriting a LOT of lore there… Well, at least we know where big daddy Yin is. So, off I go (after levelling, which I’ve needed to do for an hour, but, um, forgot I was more powerful [happens, when you’re this awesome]). I pick up some enhances from this person: So all this sh*t just “fell off a truck,” right? Gotcha. Got any cigarettes or bowties? Penny sez I need a team to rescue dear ol’ dad. But I figure with me and my 6 personalities, I’m more than good there. Besides, I got snow beast, and we all know what HE (she? no discernible anatomy) can do. Plus, I always have my trusty gun: Eat blanks, beeyotch! After a few mini-skirmishes, I discover that the mish is dangerous because it has named villains, like this one: Dude…marketing… Under the heading, biting off more you can chew: All good (pant, pant). Thanks grenades. And stun grenades. And taser thing. Y’know-not my actual POWERS. Which means: live by the taser: I’ll get you, you nameless bastige! Just lemme get up, and...pull your fist outta my a**. Round 2 goes a bit better: Yeah, I sneaked up on ya, bruh. And I ain’t sorry. (grenade, grenade, grenade, KICK!) It doesn’t get any easier: Oh, for the love of…BUNCH UP, WOULDJA? Yeah. Like that. (sheesh…did you guys skip villain school?) Finally, we find our man, guarded by: You’re one letter away from your true name, hombre. Oh, yeah? Well, she was ALMOST my sidekick, man. Of course, we know there’s an ambush coming. And there are two ways to handle an ambush: Run, little man! Run! With our good friend and ally, Missiondoor, covering our retreat, we get Daddy dearest back at work, where yours truly gains access to the man’s goodies. Er, his shop, that is: Hmmm…never been paid in prime rib before. Well…this is rather…eclectic. It's okay, though. Big Canie mallets don't kill people. People kill themselves trying to swing them. And, of course: Yin tech, for the discerning Yang-kee. Not to mention 8 merits! GOGOGO! MINEMINEMINE!

Year 1, day 8 or 9. Hard to say (too many tamales with jalapenos...recovery is slow): This installment: Not YOUR Fault (line) We begin the day with Eagle Eye telling us How Deadlock Got His Groove Back (aka, BAB gets slamma-jamma’ed). He tells it so well, it’s almost like I’m there. I mean, he even vividly described Deadlock’s itty-bitty Rob Liefeld feet. But then Big Mike related the whole thing, so I guess feet is mainly what he saw. After that interlude, I race off to Faultline, where Big Jim Temblor is waiting to pop his muscle band. Or to bring me onboard to help with Fusionette (aka I’m Almost as cra-cra as Lady Grey-Grey). I head into a facility where a really loud alarm thing sounds when I enter (greaaaat…). Once inside, I confirm that my new Spring Attack power is just as lousy as the rest of them: Well…least I LOOK good. But, after a bit of practice: Take that you ass…phalt. But nothing beats the ol’ standby: That’s one OW! for me, and one for you, bro. After several differences of opinion with these long-handed blaster guys, it occurs to me that if I was smart: I’d just pay these guys off. Then I remember I have no money. I have “Inf.” It’s like money, but worthless. In any case, they’re lookin’ for a hand out, so: I give ‘em one. (Or two...Notice how gritty and stuff I am today? Post-Christmas grumps. Coal in the stocking.) Bit of beat-beat here and a beat-beat there, and: Over your head, eh? I assume that happens a lot, seeing as how you’re 4 and a half feet tall. After checking in with Jimbo, I get a rinse and repeat: With a bit of added “conditioner,” I guess (damn that little vixen, she is such a scamp). QUICK ASIDE: FL is just great. Constant reminders of how one should attack one’s enemies. Like this one: Noted. Sooooo noted. One of my goals is to Help Sands. After breathing a sigh of relief that it’s not to rebuild this: I find my erstwhile sorta-ally, deep in debate with the Lost: He’s got a point, there Sandy man. Nevertheless, I don't have time to time you guys (or rather patience, actually), so: You mean UNnfortunate. For them, right? RIGHT? Yup. Them. Holy moley...You load those shells yourself, Cletus? Soon, we find fair maiden. Which I guess means nap time for everybody but me and the drones: Oh, no, it’s okay. Take a few Z's...in the middle of combat. I GOT this (grumble, grumble). Now we have to defeat Kurse, who is especially edgy and cool, ‘cause he spells his name with a K. This time, I nap while my allies finish off some perps, using their unending KB: Hey, guys! Let's question this one so that we...um...never mind... Finally, on the last floor, we find our man: Hel-looooooo, crazy town! (No help here, Kursey - used all my tape to wrap gifts). Well, if it’s a can of whoop-ass calling, then, here you go, Senor. One Remove Kurse spell expended, and we're back to Jimbo for the finale. Turns out all this leads to taking on Nocturne before she escapes with the remnants of Christmas ham. Or some other valuable thing. Like Kurse, Nocturne is edgy and cool, because her name is Nocturne (but imagine if it were NoKturne! oooooooh….). In any case, this means ARACHNOS. And Arachnos means: Don’t have a cow, Mu. (hehehehehe…heh…{ahem}). One long slog through sewers (and many Mu Cows), a busted up submersible (that I can't hit unless I'm in JUST the right spot [reminds me of my honeymoon]), and a few kicks to Nocturne's Family Jewels analogue (which turns out to be all over her body): I won’t forget it, either, missy. Hubba, hubba (that sub was PURTY!) All that jazz nets me Jim's gratitude, and an introduction to Penny Yin (pre-badass version). PLUS: 8 merits! You know what THAT means:

POWERS UPDATE (and last of the day): In keeping with jumping higher, faster, farther (and further, if need be), DB picks up Spring Attack. Really wanted that Spinning Strike, but we'll wait a bit on that. Bit of Acrobatics is in our future, fer sure. Somewhere along the line, we'll return to the really useless. Like Medicine (because interruptible heals are SOOOO precious). So, our experiment in old school crawling has us at L18, with Faultline series unlocked. After that, who knows? I might consult the hivemind for suggestions. Remember: you, too, can make a difference (because someone's got to take up my slack). Till next time, have a bat-tastically devilish Holiday season. You know where to find me:

INTERLUDE: Devil Bat gets all sensitive and sh*t So, my recent encounters have me worried about my image: Oh, my…What did I ever do to y-...Oh…um, yeah. But maybe Cog is on to something. Time to work on my image! Hi there! I'm Devil Ba…I said, I'm. de…SLOW DOWN, WILLYA? (can I join? [sniff]) Look, all I know is "slammin'," too, and look how I turned out! No. No, I'm pretty certain that a little branding would do wonders for your love life. And maybe leave the kids at home on the first date? What I'm saying is, it's OKAY to have your own views on things. You don't have to BE just a drone, right?...oh…you mean…never mind… Come now, Ms. Smithers. Can't you see you and Soulburn here are MEANT for each other? Alright! Wooo! Yeah! So, you guys are locked out the house, you said? Annnd here you go. A huge box of Bombas socks. You know for every pair you buy… You know, you're right, Baphomet. It IS peaceful as f*** up here. Hey there! That's 25% off Golden Corral, people! We're talkin' the FULL BUFFET!...hello?... Look, all we're talklin' here is one teeny, tiny banner on your next fly by. With itty bitty letters saying DEVIL BAT IS KEWL. So, you on board? Ah! He'll "give it all the consideration it's due." Problem solved! Off to Faultline, 'cuz Big Jim Temblor needs me. Well, he needed SOMEBODY, and I happened to be passing by. (this is an EXCELLENT location to view my chopper banner).:-)

The Jake Montoya Arc Continues! (aka Neverending hunnnnnt mishes!) Jake gets to work on the parts (privately...I assume) and is THIS close to solving the… BUT OH NO! PLOT TWIST! HIS LAB IS BEING ATTACKED! OFF I GO! (slowly…every so slowly). Once there: Erm…Crey, Jake? Or is there some sort of "Lab IKEA" somewhere? So, either scared sh*tless or his leg's caught in the door. I mean, c'mon, hapless Jack. This is basic "walking through doors," brutha. (DC0 and you failed?) So, it's a Defeat All. Try as I might, I just can't target all the people running through the halls, so I hope they don't count (I mean, I had ol' "leg-door" right in my sights, man). I've got you now! You better…okay, stop crying…c'mon now, you don't have to…oh, just go already! The Clock experience in the lab here is promoting a strange sense of Deja Vu: Which leads to: Damned Vahziclocks (I'm sticking with my story, man) Back in. We wallop a few, grenade a few, shoot a few (runlikehellaroundacornerwhentwoorangesshowup), and FINALLY: So, WHO we gonna give a "rough" time, hah? HAH? And we do. After which we strike a pose You know… This whole Kung Fu fisty thing really IS refreshing. (Snatch the pebble from MY hand, willya...) We knock this out and: I'M RICH! AGAIN! But, really, it's about this: It's all about the drooling adulation we accrue along the way.:-) Of course, this isn't the last of Jake's story. Seems all this did was give him a lead. A lead I will follow! Like a really dumb dog looking to...find and...eat cat litter, because...dogs do that! or something like that…

ANYtime. Well, after I finish with Jake's arc. He needs me....I think...

Yeah, I REALLY gotta watch my spelling there (cum? I'm think it was supposed to say, "son," "dude,' or "bronaisse." Corrected.:-)

Year 1, Day 7 and 13/16th's Tales from the Underground FCC After a "fiery" discussion with Veles (which we could not report due to all the sticky residue on our tongue from biting the concrete twice), we resume our batness, looking for work in Skyway, starting with Jake Montoya, who hangs out here: I know he LOOKS real, Jake, but really, this guy ain't gonna keep the Trolls away. No. Er…I mean…okay. Jake's worried about a Troll "test of strength" contest causing a rampage in, I'm assuming, Skyway City, Because, y'know…lotsa Trolls here. So where does he send me? Riiiiiiiight… And once in, is it close by? Noooooooooo. AND we get caves! YES! Always feels like I'm walking through the intestines of some very large creature. Turns out this is (once again) ALL ABOUT DRUGS (gasp). I beat some arse here and there, destroy some Dine (or Dyne, or Dianne). Know what I find out about Trolls, by the way? Don't turn your back! Not even for a second! Also: They don't float so well. AND They can also go full "ground hog" on you: After taking out the last gopher (er, Troll), I decide to use my handy dandy base TP to shorten the distance (or to just change the scenery of my lengthy jaunts. Speaking of, here's the base: No, seriously. That's it. I don't even know what half this sh*t does, man. I think that's an AC up there. By the way, I DID learn an honest-to-goodness useful power. Shimmy-Shimmy-Koko-Bop or some such. I'm not sure how it works, but I do this sort of Kung Fu thing and I feel refreshed. Personally, I think a small flask or maybe a little plastic water bottle spritzer would have the same effect, but they say I have to go full on "grasshopper." Wish I could show you the pose, but I empowered myself with invisibility (which means I'll probably get an escort mish next). But no! I get lucky! Story arc here I come! (was that too meta? I blame the invis). 15 Clocks comin up! I'll start with rooftops in KR. Hmmmm…do I? 'Fraid not. Have to stop these creatures from their infernal recycling efforts. LEAVE THE TRASH ALONE, GENTS! After saving the stack of wrecked cars from usefulness, I give Jake the brand new pile of crap metal made of Clocks. Jake uses the Power Source I took from 1 of them (or assembled from 15?) and sends me to an office. Thankfully, it's not to do taxes. Bit of the ol' Right Hand of Doom (er, "dusk" that is) Left hand of…lefthandedness (i.e. RAP POSE!) Followed by kicking Bolts in the nuts: Hi… Jake studies a broadcast unit I've recovered (not Howard Stern, as it turns out). But of course he needs more stuff to look at, which means I now get to go to the sewers (well...payback for sending @TerroirNoir into all those AE sewer mishes of late [I feel your pain, and I will ignore it).:-) After a bit of Clock bashing: What the f***? YOU guys? Well we know what that means: Ugh…toxic…we're breaking up, Vahz. Naturally, it's Defeat All, so no sidestepping. I clear out a BUNCH of Vahziies. Like, a bunch. Then, thankfully, we're done. After that really sucky experience, Jake tells me there's a connection between the Vahz broadcast thing and the Clock broadcast thing. While he's talking, I get jumped by our clackety friends. Do I take care of it? No. Why? Let the professionals handle it, I always say. After that, a jaunt to AP to refill the devices. This time, a hefty stash of stuns grenades, because, well, I enjoy living. Plus, Crane has to let the cat in, because he's not happy unless he's going in and out from the 3-season porch into the house (and back...and in...and back...and..MAKE UP YOUR MIND, BRO!)

Year 1, Day 6 and some change Face time with the Skulls So we start our day in the usual location: Well...at least the meals are always hot... My contacts, Wong and Caine (aka Right and Wrong), both want me to get broasted by toxicity. I am only too happy to oblige (hence, my downfall, 'cuz SC Vahz suuuuuuuuuck at my current "security level" [which is decidedly insecure]). This if not unexpected, because, as we all know: I head to the row, because I KNOW where to find Vahz there. That said: Hmmmm...something is definitely up, and I don't mean my Vahzilok friend who's just taken up hurdles. In short order, Wong and Wight (aka Caine) have nothing for me, so I FINALLY give into Shuana Stockwell's incessant nagging and take on some sort of Skulls thingy in The Row. Put down the can, citizen, before I kick you in the...um,..can... I warned you! Oh...hey, GOOD one, buddy. As a matter of fact, she...{ahem} NO, SHE DID NOT! So this thingy is NOT about unauthorized wall art, as I come to find. Purses, perhaps?...No? (sigh) Okay... Shakedown, breakdown, takedown? Everybody walks into the crowded light?... So, none of those. And by the way: This is just NEVER true. Evidently, it's all about bad dental plans. So I make my pitch for a new provider by refitting Toothbreaker Jones's teeth, only to find out it's all about DRUGS! (GASP). I head off after the dude, after a brief discussion with this guy: YOU'RE fiending? Lemme tell you about MY fiending. It's soo incredibly...um...fiendish. See? Now THAT's fiendish! Amirightorwhat? My appearance being unannounced, there are several vain attempts to identify my glorious personage: The fuzz? What is this, a 70s cop film?...oh...it IS a 70s cop film...okay... Go ahead, punk. Make my week... I was speaking figuratively, bro. Put away the piece, now. Put it...You're going to hit me with it? Skulls are dumb... Or maybe not: Ah. TWO guns. I'm doomed (pft). For a moment, this looks easy: One punch to my own face oughta do it. But, no. It's these guys: Figures. And here I am fighting with a bruise on my jaw. Bit of grenade action, and then off to bust up some initiation ceremony. I think it's a sorority, but it matters not. I'll join anyone who asks, because I'm needy. Then, again... Well, you talk REALLY loud, for one thing. As it turns out, beating up people gets you into the group!: Thank you, thank you. It's GREAT to be part of the local 917. GO PLUMBERS! The rest you know. I go to Anderson Construction, deconstruct my frat bro, Chernotoilet, and BOOM! Another security level! After a few hiccups, of course. And this really big belch, who forces me to use this guy: Merry freakin' XMAS! (don't kill me...again...) We take it in the face, but, in the end, Snow Beast is just too much for dark dude. I WIN (sorta...snow guy did most of the work). Victory in hand (or pocket maybe), I take a break to get sutured (not Sutures...we've had enough of him), Of course, I must kiss the Don's ring, but it's a pleasure. Sort of.. Your hand is cold, bro.

Or you could run in dumb mode, like this guy:

What? You're putting family and friends and good tidings and all that other bullsh*t above US?:-) I think it's safe to say everyone is good with whatever you intend to do, TN. Merrappy Hannakwanzamas and all that, as well.

Year 1, Day 5.47892039782 Old buddies get pummeled So Harry Wong (or Wang, or whatever is least appropriate) tells me I have to go take out Sutures! Even though I JUST took out Sutures. After determining this has nothing to do with any recent surgeries, I head in to find no one is bothering me. In fact, these guys think of me as a recruit! Um...is there any OTHER way to get in the gang? As there really, really isn't, I just pummel him, using my latest useless power! That's Jump Kick, muthaf****! Or a kick-jump. Or a...well just eat it, bro. Two boots to the head, and we've pleased Wang. Or Wong. Whatever tickles most. Then I get summoned to breakfast, because it's the most important meal of the day. Even if you eat it at noon.

Year 1, Day 5 and a half... A Bat-tastic Barrel of Danger It can be a lonely life in the big city. Especially if your name is: Ma...they're STILL makin' fun o' me....Because SCHNABEL, that's why! What the hell IS a Schnabel anyway? Since Wes is too busy with mom, he sends me to Karen Parker. Being the Karen that she is, she sends me to customer service for her, as in, I, too, have no missions for you, putz-o. So I hit up Tristan I have no wardrobe Caine, who wants me to save some surgeons from the Vahzilok: I'll do so, my man. THEN we're going to Target. Dropping in...like the DUSK! (so...sorta gradually getting there...as is my wont...or want...whatever, I'm COMIN'!). So, in we go, and first thing: See that? That's my health bar. After 1 fight. With 2 perps. That's right. TWO. Because Toxic=OWWWWWW! Hoo boy...this is gonna take some time, preparation and smarts. I'm doomed... So we manage to rescue one of the surgeons, and I get this: Oh, my...suddenly feeling a bit uncomfortable? Taking no chances now. FEEL MY TASER THINGY! What the...MISS? And MISS? I...WHY? WHYWHYWHY? We pummel them the ol' fashioned way, only to realize I do not have all my defensive toggles on. Why? Well, why not? It's serving us SO well (and I LIKE it when my health bar is anything other than green...evidently). Drop off organ hunting doc, only to find that other doc: ...is NOT adhering to the Hippocratic Oath, gdit! We knock this out, then proceed through the rest of Caine's mishes. Because today is the day we REALLY get a spanking (good...we've been naughty. The snowmen told us that). We stumble upon the very bad, no good, horrible, Pollutant Plot. Of course, this doesn't keep us from stopping by for a short D&D campaign: My God, Sneak Attack is OP...Back to Old School Essentials! So rescue 7 hapless peeps. We make our way in and notice that the Vahz are some sort of football team. Here they are engaged in a pregame prayer: Give us this day, our daily dead... You n' me both, lady. Seven hostages later, we've grown in power (i.e., levelled up). Tristan sends us deeper into the pollutant caper (once he's determined it has nothing to do with my delicate digestive system, combined with that burrito plate). I stop by Atlas to check in with my temp powers hookup (bc running out of grenades when you're not all that awesome is a bad thing, as I have found). Then we go to fold laundry...Or rather Crane does, because HE has some sort of life (if you can call it that).:-) Well, jigger my whammies (that's a saying, right?)-the towels need another half hour. So, I refill my Utility Belt (thank you tasers and such), and off I go! It's the most. Wonderful tiiiiiime of the yearrrrrr (Unless. You are that guyyyyyy getting muuuuggged [in the UR corner while douche bag meeee is skating byyyyyyy). Here, we find some old friends: I'm only trying to HELP you, sir. These Vahz are dangerous...And no, that's not a gun. Is NOT! Already the best date I been on in MONTHS! Ahhhh...an old standby... The death corner. We meet again. And I'm dumb as ever! See? Actually, that's kind of my standard health/stamina the whole mission with these guys. (Default stance=PANTPANT!) Bit o' this and that, and finally: Okay, I LOVE this mish. Because the barrels: Hurt me AND... ...heal them (I SO want these in AE):-) So Sutures turns out the be a rather...meaty (as in short and stout) Eid. I clear the room (after levelling again), and get 35 freakin merits! I'M RICH!

Then you have the follow-up "DO'H!," where people zone back in and race off, not knowing that the remainder of the ambush will come to you at the entry point (and that it *might* be a good idea to gather THERE). But...I have been that leader, "that guy," and that guy (the one who knows what he's doing). Hell, I've been that guy and still done "that guy" stuff (like auto targeting that extra CoT group, because what we really need right now is another mob at the door...yes...ALL the mobs...you're welcome...).:-)

The title of this thread sounds like the name of a very sketchy After School Special.

As far as gaining Inf solely through what you earn in mishes, then, yes, you really can't keep up at all (though I admit I haven't tried to get by in that manner since, well...sorta ever). So you have to get involved with the market some if you want to just chug along with DOs/SOs. In this case, it's pretty easy. As already mentioned, 500k from selling orange salvage. As for seed money, run the explore badges in AP (thus getting your LR transport), use the merits to buy converters, sell. You slip over to Galaxy Echo, rinse-repeat, you have over a mill before hitting the first mish. If you're a mission content first type of person, the in-game arcs will grant merits (in some cases, a nice chunk). You should be able to use these, plus selling salvage and drops, to easily run on DOs/DOs, pretty much all the way through.* Now, if you want to get into incarnate stuff, that's another story...:-) *Now that I think about it, this is exactly what my latest alt, Devil Bat, is doing (but that's because he's too dumb to figure out how to really profit from the market {or learn from his own mistakes...or learn from anything, really...he's not too bright...).

Hehehehehe...RESIST!

Great feedback, thank you. Here's some "behind the scenes" stuff on this: M1: M2: M3: M4: M5:

How in the world is Rebirth outpacing Homecoming?

Hmm...well, I guess I'd offer the how are they gonna learn the ropes if they never team? That said, I've been on teams where the Leader has explicitly said, Stay off the steps until we clear the sides! and had peeps just go right there. I'm not sure this means they're "not intelligent," but it sure ain't the smartest strategy.:-)

I feel like the honor of kicking Phipps around would be something I would do for free.:-)

NOTES: I'd say this is likely a work in progress, but it DOES seem to be pretty clean. Picking a decent map for the last mish was a bear. I wanted to use Baatzul Hell, but NPCs were annoying to get, and often got stuck in the scenery. The one I picked isn't as evocative, but it is unique, and seems to work. Break frees. Take some, if you're psi-defense deficient. Be sure to check clues (I'd have the box open and to the side, all the time [if you don't already]). Otherwise, you'll miss some story. Let me know about any issues. It all ran pretty well in tests.

This is something that has happened to me on a couple of occasions. I still don’t know the reason for it, but it just sort of went away the next time I logged in.

That is an arc I haven’t run yet so I can’t personally comment on the writing. I do wonder whether or not they took story pitches before choosing someone. It is one thing to execute your vision of the story you have in mind, and then quite another to have to fulfill preset requirements. Either way, I feel for them. I would find that zone difficult to write for.

Other than cool maps and foes, to me a good arc has memorable NPCs, some wit (clever and/or funny), and a (usually) a twist. Or perhaps just a signature moment. Bittersweet victory. Complicated villains/motivations. What checks some of these various boxes for me (in no particular proportion, and presented in no particular order): Flux (Flux the Outcast: Take Out Frostfire): Slidy, ice map and Yeah! Simple! finale does this for me. The lead up is a bit tedious. (And you can always get a team for it) Eagle Eye (The Lords of Death) Multiple contacts working together from different angles. The Infiltration mission. Taking on a family of vills; I never had mind for beeznees; FIRE! FIRE! And I get to knock the snot out of Back Alley Brawler (well, not ME, actually, but...still). Laura Lockhart (Collateral Damage): Dulce Et Decorum Est and all that. Treachery! Drama! And F*** YOU, LEON, YOU ETERNAL DOUCHE BAG! Johnny Sonata: We don't get to go into hell nearly enough. Bane Spider Ruben (Destiny Follows): Backstab your way to power (as it oughta be in the RI). Then, lead an army to kick the living shit out of Longbow. Keith Nance (Twisted Reflections): Watching yourself die for the cause, without actually having to die for the cause (but feeling like you died for the cause...see that circle there?) Crimson (the whole long, inglorious thing): Because it felt like the perfect capstone for my gritty scrapper 50, Acrobattle. Malta became his personal nemesis. Provost Marchand (All 3 Primal Arcs): I hate, hate, hate fighting Calvin Scott. Seems like he hands me my ass no matter what kind of toon I'm running. But I love this series of arcs. Good boss fights. Complicated motivations. Pyrrhic ending. Sense of failure in a win. Love it.