In The Papers! (Everlasting)

[AerialAssault]

Tincan.com/globnews/af#203

January 26 - Terrorists attack U.N base in DRoC

A U.N base in the Democratic Republic of Congo was attacked by a global terrorist organisation yesterday afternoon. The group, calling themselves the League of Prosperity, launched an unprovoked assault on the U.N. base, which is believed to have been containing the fallout of an unknown biological outbreak, the investigation of which is still pending.

34 U.N Peacekeepers were killed in the attack, as well as four civilians, two of whom were medical staff. It is not known how many militants were killed in the assault. After almost six hours of fighting, the militants retreated in the face of U.N reinforcements arriving. Sources from the scene say that the militants entered the restricted quarantine areas but became trapped and were captured by the U.N forces.

It is not yet known why the League of Prosperity attacked the U.N base, however the extremist anarcho-communist group are expanding their control in the area, despite repeated attempts from the DRoC military to dislodge them. Their leader is Carlos Zano, an Portuguese ex-soldier and known meta-criminal. Carlos was, until a few years ago, serving out a 50 year sentence on terrorism charges in Portugal, but was broken out by criminal elements which would go on to become the core of the new League of Prosperity, whose ultimate goal is the global redistribution of wealth by force.

Jack Barrett, official U.N. spokesperson commented on the situation as “A dire signal that the League of Prosperity are growing in power, and bolder as a result. Fortunately, in this instance, our brave soldiers were able to prevent a catastrophe, and we owe our lives for those who laid down theirs. We urge U.N partners to begin curbing the League of Prosperity’s expansion before it becomes out of control.”

Story reported by,

Rho Lelange

-

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[Moka]

[Airborne]

News-Article...

Edited April 12, 2020 by Airborne
Cleaner post

[CoGDork]

THE EBON FOX STRIKES AGAIN
Collection of Ancient Magical Relics Stolen

 

By Jeffrey Paxton
The Paragon Times

PARAGON CITY - The vault was 80 feet below ground, with 10-inch-thick steel surrounding it in all directions, and several layers of magical and technological protection including a laser grid, a pressure-sensitive floor, a barrier spell, and more. The 30-plus full-time guards seemed almost an afterthought. And yet, last night, that vault was robbed. At roughly 8:00 PM EST, the PPD were alerted to the theft by Samuel Cratt, a billionaire and collector of magical relics. The vault, which was on Cratt's private property in Founders' Falls, had been opened for regular inspection, but in place of an entire row of relics Cratt instead found a single ebony figure in the shape of a fox--the calling card of the notorious thief known as the Ebon Fox.

The Ebon Fox is one of the most wanted thieves in the world, and is sought after by authorities from all around the world. According to Interpol, over the course of his nearly twenty-year career this thief has stolen paintings from museums, diamonds from banks, and even a yacht or two. Eyewitness descriptions are nearly nonexistent, and tend to disagree on his appearance. No suspects are known. All the same, authorities assure that the capture of this notorious thief is only a matter of time, though the aid of heroes is both welcomed and encouraged. Interpol in particular has listed a reward of five million for any information about the whereabouts of the Fox, or clues to his identity.

 

Edited August 14, 2020 by CoGDork

[iynx]

Camera-shy superhero saves Pandora’s, and this is why we need to talk about it

 

Paragon City\HotTopicsToday\Talos Island
Joe Queen and Aubrey Slots
PARAGON CITY LIFESTYLE - THE HOTTEST ONLINE LIFESTYLE BLOG LIKE EVER

 

Pandora’s Box magic shop in Talos Island was attacked yesterday at noon by the Freakshow, when yet barely known and as barely clothed superheroine appeared at the scene and saved the day.

 

“They [The Freakshow] just suddenly teleported inside. First they looked baffled, but quickly started to wreak havoc. If Lady Magnificent had not appeared, the Freakshow would have mauled us all to the ground”, told Sanna Heard-Ramsay, a dissatisfied customer of the Talos Island Pandora’s Box. She was determined to give us first hand recollection of the events, after describing in detail why she was displeased in the shop’s products and their discriminating customer service.

 

The shop suffered moderate damages, including damaged books and destroyed arcane crafting ingredients, but human casualties were avoided. For some reason, the Freakshow apparently took VHS tapes of the shop's video surveillance system with them.

 

“This is strange. I did not witness any of them going to the back room where monitors and the surveillance video recorder is located. But it was such a chaos. First the Freakshow ported in, and almost immediately the scantily clothed heroine came through the door singing… her own theme song? Or maybe she was just shrieking in pain. Thank God she stopped and summoned her shadowhound to chase away the Freakshow, while she valiantly hid behind a bookshelf herself”, described Iris Harrison, the shop manager, the events of the hero intervention.

 

Luckily the Paragon City LifeStyle’s finest superpowered lifestyle bloggers [that is us!] were nearby and we were able to get a short xoman-to-woman talk with the mysterious shy superheroine, when she was trying to exit the scene unnoticed through the back door of the shop. We asked her preferred pronouns, her race, her sexual orientation and her hero moniker and what she would like to say to the people of Paragon:

 

“Don’t do crime! But if you do, don’t get caught! But if you do get caught anyway, then get caught by no other than the Magnificent Lady Magnificent and her Magnificent Magnifihound. Now excuse me, I’ve got more crime. To stop!”

 

And so she was off. The white, cis-het pale-skinned dark-haired woman in skimpy blue swimming suit and a bulky cape with apparently many hidden pockets for large superhero equipment bolted away to the sky only moments before the PPD hard suits and Awakened arrived at the scene.

 

This modest and shy superheroine ( who had a severe speech impediment issue and of whom we regrettably do not have a photograph ) shows by her own example, that even a shy superheroine with severe physical communication barrier can be a hero. But even with her noble and humble start, we need to address the issue of her choice of clothing. When fighting crime wearing apparent gender-signaling-<paywall-pop-up:>SUBSCRIBE PARAGON CITY LIFESTYLE AND READ THE FULL ARTICLE! 10% DISCOUNT TO ALL NEW SUBSCRIPTIONS...

[iynx]

tl;dr:
A Hunan-born action-actress, who played a japanese martial artist "Ghostdoll" in an action-drama TV-serie got her character written off the show because the character had become unpopular among the audience, even mocked as "Clowndoll". The actress blamed the writer-team, intruded into set and started a rampage in revenge. After causing casualties, the actress escaped police capture and is now considered fugitive.

[Agent Canada]

These are all really cool. I love playing with screen caps but this is the closest I ever came to a news paper clipping.

 

Edited January 25, 2021 by Agent Canada
spelling mistakes

[CoGDork]

RISU Students Score Victory in First-ever 'Riot Ball' Match
Rhode Island's best metahuman students defeat Virginia Tech meta team 54-36

By Jeffrey Paxton
The Paragon Times

 

PROVIDENCE - A new sport has arisen among colleges across the country where metahuman students engage in a high-scoring sport just for them. It's called 'Riot Ball', and after a number of unofficial matches a national college association has formed: the National College Riot Ball Association (NCRBA). Yesterday, the very first match of the very first Riot Ball season concluded when the students of Rhode Island State University--under the banner of the Blue Capes--faced off against the Virginia Tech Meteors. After a "riotous" game, the Capes pulled ahead in the second half to claim victory. RISU Head Coach Timothy Cross praised both teams, and expressed his desire for the sport to spread:

 

"I grew up in Paragon City; it's amazing to me that this sport didn't start there. But if any of the super universities of my home town decide to join this new association, we'll be happy to test our skill against them."

Edited March 6, 2021 by CoGDork

[iynx]

 

 

Paragon City shopkeeper saves Kings Row neighborhood church from been demolished

 

Paragon City\CityCelebrities\KingsRow
Joe Queen and Aubrey Slots

 

PARAGON CITY LIFESTYLE - THE HOTTEST ONLINE LIFESTYLE BLOG YOU SHOULD TALK ABOUT

 

Kamala Haaska, best known as the Magnificent Pastfinder of Pastfinder’s Shop of Magic, made a significant investment in Paragon City’s cultural heritage by purchasing a small church next to her shop. This church, Church of Everlasting Virtue, was hit by a small, local earthquake last February and sunk a few meters into the ground. Miss Haaska remembers the incident well:

 

“Yes, I remember. It was last February, late Saturday night when I was doing absolutely nothing at all in my shop. Then suddenly, a small earthquake shook the ground. I only later found out that the earthquake had caused the nearby church to sink.”

 

The Church of Everlasting Virtue, built almost one hundred years ago, sank first only one and half feet, but continued to sink the coming weeks after the incident, causing the whole building to tilt and strain its structure. The church interior was transferred into a temporary church when the repair and restoration of the sunken church were initiated. However, it was soon found out the costs of repairing the church were way too high, and building of a new church was started. Foreman Davidson’s assessment of the situation at that time to Paragon Times (quoted from an article last February):

 

“The whole building keeps slowly sinking, and it not only makes it harder and harder to dig this old building up, but we need to tear open a lot of roads and streets and pavement, set up cranes, hammer iron into the ground and cause the neighborhood traffic and living conditions considerable inconvenience. We could do it, but someone had to pay a lot of money to make this all done. And even then, the church is probably already snapped in half and too dangerous to use. And then, repairing a small church or near one hundred years of age? Maybe, if you could find a millionaire and this was a culturally more major church.”

 

But we here at Paragon City Lifestyle found out that someone was ready to pay a lot of money to save the church. The purchase made if not in secret, but in low profile by Kamala Haaska came to our attention via anonymous tip. Miss Haaska was well prepared for our interview, when we made our surprise home-call to her shop:

 

“Of course, as a well-known benefactor of this city, preserving a part of its cultural history, however small, is close to my heart. Many young heroes were born in that church, and some laid to their final journey in that very same place. I am glad to be known as someone who selflessly invested money to save a landmark of cultural importance.”

 

Kamala Haaska, who reminded us that she is a frequent contributor to several charity efforts, revealed her work on the church so far:

 

“My lovely muscular human workmen have been working for a few months now, and thanks to their underground efforts without outside interference or any other distraction to their concentration, the further sinking of the church has been stopped. A tunnel has been dug from my shop to the church, and further repairs can now be done by my well-paid army of unrelenting workers without exposing them to sunlight.”

 

When asked about the future of the church, miss Haaska told she has an intention to respect the spiritual heritage of the church:

 

“The church is damaged and may not ever be cleared to host a large number of people due security reasons, but individual visits may later be possible. The church has been a holy place of consolation, spiritual fulfillment and satisfaction, and my intention is to keep it that way.”

 

After the interview, Miss Haaska was determined to have an impromptu photoshoot with us. While we were not allowed to enter the church in question, we were able to snap a collection of pictures of Miss Haaska in her shop, in her office, on top of several cars of her shop and in her private massage parlor, wearing a compilation of different attires. The pictures of the photoshoot can be viewed in the members area of Paragon City Lifestyle by clicking the link below:

 

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[Paragon Vanguard]

                         Rough Morning As Atlas Park Bank Robbed.....Again

 

    This morning, before many of our wonderful citizens of Atlas Park were even drinking their first cup of coffee, Paragon PD responded to a break in at the Atlas Park Bank. The details are sketchy at best, but Paragon News was able to speak to an employee who wished to remain anonymous. This person said that the bank was not even open yet when they saw someone standing at the front door, looking in. It was a female of average height, wearing a black jacket and sunglasses. 
"She was carrying 2 guns, and she had a smirk wrapped around a cigar that she was smoking," the witness said. "It was scary, I was not expecting that to happen on my shift. So many heroes here, why did they just let this villain walk around the streets unchecked?"
 

It was a rough morning for Atlas Park Bank, as the number of times they have been robbed keeps climbing. One can only fathom how much it costs to insure the money. Paragon News asked the bank manager for an interview but he declined, and was clearly shaken up by the robbery. Instead we were able to speak to Harold Gossin, one of the night time cleaning crew members. 
"Well, I didn't see her, but I could hear her. We aint had customers yet, she was a true early bird. I heard the glass break, and I remember thinking I got me another mess to clean up. I tell you, as robbers go, she was surely one of the happiest. Whistling a tune, laughing and shooting up the place. She was having fun, I have to give that to her. We get robbed so often, its nice to know she enjoyed it. She aint killed no one, 'cept maybe one of the police or Longbow that showed up. That's what I heard anyway."

This paper has not been able to verify if any members of Longbow were injured, but it has been verified that some of the PPD officers suffered non life threatening injuries. 
We have reports that the robber called herself "Lil Baby Outlaw". PPD has no comment nor is willing to verify this. 


Paragon News reporter Tony Krats contributed to this story
 

Edited August 19, 2021 by Paragon Vanguard

[Defeat All Snakes]

[iynx]

WITCH MAKES A SLIMY COMEBACK - GOODBYE REPUTATION

Paragon City\CityCelebrities\AtlasPark
Joe Queen and Aubrey Slots

 

PARAGON CITY LIFESTYLE - THE HOTTEST ONLINE LIFESTYLE BLOG YOU SHOULD TALK ABOUT

 

High School students of Steel Canyon High, among other visitors and staff of Atlas Park City Hall, were traumatized when a portal opened right in the ceiling of the main hall and dropped Kamala Haaska, best known as the Magnificent Pastfinder, on the floor in front of many pairs of perplexed eyes.

 

And several cell phone cameras.

 

Two of the best super powered lifestyle bloggers [ that is us! ] were at the scene when Miss Haaska, covered only by gooey green & black slime and torn remains of her clothes, stood up pushing severed tentacles ( which were cut when the portal suddenly opened and closed ) off her body and asked for a cigarette. After we got confirmation of identity, we tried to ask where she had been these few months, but the answer was only as follows:

 

“I’ve been around. Now give me that cellphone. Don’t film me. Get back. Everyone stop filming. I’m not me, this is somebody else just pretending to be me. You are spreading fake news. Ouch.”

 

While the literally naked witch covered in slime was trying to confiscate cell phones from bystanders while slipping and falling on her face, we made a quick exit to post process our video material.

 

On our way to our editor, we were able to avoid a falling grand piano that was dropped out of nothing just maybe 5 or ten feet behind us-

 

**Time manipulation sound effect**

 

…on our way to our editor, we were able to avoid two falling grand pianos that were dropped out of nothing. The first one hit the ground just maybe 5 or ten feet behind us and the second one was dropped just a few feet in front of-

 

**TIME MANIPULATION GOES BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR**

MASS AMNESIA IN CITY HALL - TWO OF OUR BEST BLOGGERS HOSPITALIZED

 

Paragon City\StrangeEvents\AtlasPark
Chad Hatchett

 

PARAGON CITY LIFESTYLE - THE HOTTEST ONLINE LIFESTYLE BLOG YOU SHOULD TALK ABOUT

Strange events took place yesterday in Atlas Park when a myriad of rookie heroes, PPD, Longbow and FBSA agents and even a whole class of highschool students were subject to a mysterious memory loss. Events that happened literally just a few hundred yards behind ms. Liberty’s back left little trace or clues to be investigated. MAGI and FBSA were tight-lipped on how their investigation was going, but were able to confirm that whoever, or whatever was responsible for the mysterious event, left a slimy, slug-like trail out of the City Hall towards monorail station, littered by broken and smashed smartphones.

 

Involvement of MAGI suggests that the event was magical in nature, but this claim was not confirmed.

 

In connection with this City Hall phenomena, our two most proficient lifestyle bloggers, Joe Queen and Aubrey Slott, were buried under hundreds of grand pianos falling from nowhere on top of them. Joe Queen, known for xer super-reflexes and danger sense, could not avoid getting buried under the musical debris, as our brick-like, invulnerable Aubrey Slott, suffered the same fate. Both of our hero bloggers were excavated from under the debris and are now recovering in a hospital.

 

This brutal attack on the free press has all of our staff- <PAYWALL-POP-UP:>

 

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