TerroirNoir Presents "Engineria's Holiday Specials!"

[TerroirNoir2]

Taking a HOLIDAY SPECIALS break from TerroirNoir's Cable Channel of AE Reviews Part 1 and TerroirNoir's Cable Channel of AE Reviews Part 2

Engineria is going out to have some fun!

 

First up we'll be looking at The Christmas Contagion by @Shocktacular. 

 

Mission 1: A Gift from the Christmas Dimension. Well, here I am at Portal Corp, chatting to a rather worried looking intern.  Very worried. She's, what's the word?  Spaced?  A bit spaced.  It seems things went a bit awry when Dr. Clement returned from the Christmas Dimension.  Yeah, there's one of those. Imagine those year round Christmas stores, and then multiply out to fill a whole dimension.  Oh, my teeth ache thinking about it. 

So Clement brought back some eggnog and said it was DA BEST EVAH EGGNOG. Aren't there procedures for things like that, especially when you're not a super?  Like quarantine? Apparently not. So everyone except my friend the intern had some, because of course someone had to monitor the official stuff. 

 

And then everyone started singing.  And then they...changed. And started tearing the place apart. Kept on going on about 5 GOLD RINGS.  (4 calling birds, blah blah blah blah, and Engineria's holiday gets ruined)

 

Off to Portal Corps to sort this out then.

Oh, what's that I hear?  Fills you with the spirit of the season, doesn't it?  

 

 

Ok, we have an Eggnogger, a Jolly Imp, a Jolly Rascal, Frosty...and more besides.  And that device is a Golden Ring apparently.  Well, let's see about getting rid of it.

 

 

Ok, these ...people, are deranged.  I mean totally so.  And quite dangerous too.  It takes me a bit to fight them off, which got tricky when the Eggnogger summoned ZOMBIES!  Because there's nothing that says Christmas like the UNDEAD.  

 

 

Ok, whew, catch my breath and move around the corner.

I run into another gang, with a Yule Logger, who is a burly guy who tries to set me on fire.  And if you've followed my adventures in other places you know that's one of my least favorite things.  And an Ornamentalist.  I dunno.  Strange.  Anyway, I clear them and take their magic box away, cue more wailing and gnashing of milk duds, and on up to the mezzanine, where I find another Golden Ring.  With JOLLY people around it.

 

 

And I stick on Kinetics Repel (slotted for Knockdown) and they crash and bounce around me as I irradiate the lot of them.  Cheer up gang!  Radiation is GREEN, and your blood is RED!  SO SEASONAL!

And that last Yule Logger REALLY wants to set me on fire.  Nope, not having that.

 

 

On to the next floor and I have 2 more of these Gold Rings to find, and Dr. Clement to subdue.

And there's the Doc.  Looking all Jolly and Happy.  If people in the Christmas Dimension are like this all the time, I reckon they're probably insane.  Now I'm not a counsellor or anything but I'll just leave that opinion there.

 

 

GET THE HELL OFF ME! NO, I do NOT want eggnog!  Or whatever else you're peddling.  

 

 

Second verse, same as the first!  So bouncy repel on, and rad blast the lot of them until they stop moving.  If it twitches it gets shot.  Yeah, that means you, Jolly Imp.

 

 

And I just found an enchanted Santa hat. The label says it's the property of Christmas Spirit, and to return if found. Ok, then.  Put a pin in that for later.

 

I clear up the last 2 Gold Rings and then head back out to have a chat with the only sane, though nervous, Portal Corp employee.  My little intern friend.

 

She's somehow surprised that I did it.  (You need to read my adventures, Missy) and also, the weird jollity hasn't stopped.  But the hat? That seems to be a clue as to what's going on.

 

[Mission 1 = Madness!  Elves and Redcaps and Zombies, oh my!  Crazy short romp.  Enjoyed that!]

 

Mission 2: The Spirit of the Season. The intern is distraught!  Christmas Spirit is one of her favorite heroes and if she's gone to wherever to sort things out, and lost her hat along the way, then she needs (a) help or (b) rescuing.  Possibly both.  Looks like I'm looking for Christmas Spirit then.  I'm resisting the urge to change my uniform colors.  Really resisting.

 

Well here I am, in...somewhere.  And it's less snowy and tree laden than I expected.  Much less so. In fact it's a bit creepy.  Then again, eternal Jollification itself is a bit creepy.

 

 

I wade down through the melted snow, slush now I suppose, and glitter sticks to my boots and everything smells of cinnamon.  Now, I like cinnamon usually, but it's starting to smell of human sacrifice right now, so let's keep moving.

And there's my target.  Hello Christmas Spirit.  You're looking a little outnumbered.  Let's even that up a bit.

 

 

Takes a bit longer than I expected, since I accidentally flung one of them over the edge with a Plasmatic Taser.  So, a little bit of hunting around the pools of water in the bottom of the cavern, along with dealing with a stray zombie loving Eggnogger, and I'm back up to see Christmas Spirit.

 

 

Christmas Spirit overheard them speaking about "The Jollifier". He'll be mad at them others for losing the Golden Rings.  Ok, looks like the Jollifier is top of our list then.  Oh, you're coming with me, Christmas Spirit?  Well cool.

The pair of us go looking for the Jollifier, dealing with a Frosty and Candy Cain with his murder stick along the way.  

 

 

And there ahead of us is the Jollifier.  Well, he looks a lot like Santa.  I mean, is dressed a lot like Santa.  Yeah, that's a more accurate way of describing him.  

 

 

So in we go and dontcha know, he's not as jolly as you might think.  In fact he appears to be a right old grump.

World domination?  Coal?  Well in today's eco-friendly state, threatening someone with a fossil fuel is practically murder, yeah?  Yeah.  Have a radiation blast!  (I've been told nuclear power is "green", I mean outside of the color)

 

 

So Christmas Spirit and Engineria defeated the Jollifier and found a vial shaped like a Christmas tree on him.  It's filled with the Christmas Contagion and was probably used to spike the eggnog Dr. Clement had.  I'm sure someone can reverse engineer an antidote for that.

 

So, I return to see the intern.  Yep, a cure can be made and used in the food.  All's well that ends well, and ...Merry Christmas Everyone!

 

[Mission 2 = Just another romp through Christmas themed lunacy.  Lots of fun.]

 

Verdict. Yeah, as long as you're expecting a romp and not longing for a deep exploration of game lore and ongoing plot, then this delivers the goods.  Fun!

 

Next up on TerroirNoir Presents "Engineria's Holiday Specials" is The Yule Lads by @CurlyJim (@B'Hed on the AE console)

Edited November 28, 2022 by TerroirNoir2

[TerroirNoir2]

Next on the channel for Engineria's Holiday Specials is The Yule Lads by @CurlyJim (@B'Hed on the AE console)

 

Mission 1: Engineria gets a call from PPD Captain Gunnarsson. There's an outbreak of mysterious misdemeanors and fighting in the streets.  Some super powered assistance is needed. It is mayhem out there, but rather peculiar mayhem. People have had crockery and groceries stolen, but only individual items.  Weird.  Add to that that a variety of vills are also fighting it out in the streets for no discernible reason. So Gunnarsson needs me to find out what the hell is going on.

 

Let's hit the streets!

 

Ok, what is it about the holidays that brings out the crazy in people?  I mean more so than usual. Mako is so hungry now?  Someone else was talking about ghost pirates.  Let's have a further flying scoot around.

 

 

Oh hell, Nemesis's troops have lost it.  But some of them seem to know that, which is a relief maybe?  I dunno.

 

 

And I have found a collection of very clean bowls hidden in these boxes.  What now?

There are tracks nearby of a large pair of boots.  I suppose I should look for the owner of these tracks, and the boots.  I assume they own the boots too.  I'll stop.

 

 

I don't see anyone with large boots but I do find another set of boxes filled with Tupperware, and more tracks leading away.  Right.  Bowls and Tuppeware.  I didn't know Tupperware was still a thing.

Oh!  I found someone who isn't part of the free for all that is happening across the city.  And they may even have very large boots.  Hello there, DoorSlammer.  Who the hell are you?

 

 

OMG, you're strong!  However you can't fly, so up up I go and rad blast you from on high!

 

 

As soon as I finish dealing with DoorSlammer I turn in mid air and catch sight of ...I can't believe I'm saying this...PotScraper.

He just keeps muttering to himself about pots and scraping.  

 

 

Fortunately for me, PotScraper can't fly either, otherwise I was going to get pasted there.  Those guys are VERY strong.  

No, I will not be staying still.  You might hit me somewhere vital, like in the me.

 

 

I take him down and he says he really wanted to skin me!  What the hell is wrong with these people?  It's the Christmas Madness!  So, PotScraper was the guy who abandoned all the Tupperware.  But why?  And how is this a crime exactly?  Apart from trying to skin me that is.

 

The rest of the vills I come across are still in the throes of oddness.  Seriously so.

 

 

I found BowlLicker!  Look how excitedly confused I am!  Also, he's not impressed by me.  I'm some schmuck it seems.  Well, try combing your hair after an Ion Judgement, my friend.  Plenty of static to ruin the shape of your hat.

 

 

I drop him and he vanishes.  Poof!  Gone.

Shortly after that I find a bunch of very clean spoons.  So, is there a SpoonLicker somewhere?  I bet there is.

There is.

Sometimes I hate being right. However...wish I'd brought popcorn...SpoonLicker has got himself into a fight with a Fake Nemesis!  So I'm just going to watch how this goes and then arrest them both later. ROFL.

 

 

And then SpoonLicker is down.  I shoot the Nemesis, all is well with the world.  For now.

Time to go and have a sharp word with Captain Gunnarsson about what the hell is going on.

 

He actually recognizes the names!  Or he says they sound familiar and needs to make a call to someone to find out for definite.

 

Ok, I'm actually intrigued now.  Let's see who these clowns are.

 

[Mission 1 = Ok, this was weirder than I expected.  Very much so.  There's a lot of incidental madness going on but there's also something definitely curious happening.  I want to see what's next!]

 

Mission 2: Captain Gunnarsson gets back to me. I thought he was speaking to MAGI or DATA or the Midnighters, it turns out he was on the phone to his sister, Sigrid.  Ok, carry on.  Ah.  His family is from Iceland and he recognized some of the names but Sigrid knows the old stories a lot better than he does. 

It seems the guys I met are all members of the Yule Lads. They're a bunch of mischievous (one of them wanted to SKIN me!) pranksters, the children of a pair of giants.  Ok, with you so far. Carry on, Captain.

Each one cause a very particular type of trouble.  Ok, spoons, bowls, pots, gotcha.

And now Gunnarsson wants me toa take them into custody, for their own good if not anyone else's, since they may attract BIGGER monsters with their nonsense.

 

Oh me.  The things I do in this job.  Spoons, bowls, pots. Gotcha. So off to a winter fair in Kings Row, which is where they've reappeared.

 

Yep, me again.  Now come quietly or there may trouble.  (I can't believe I just said that to a guy scraping pots).

 

 

I drop him, slap the cuffs on and move on to BowlLicker.  He too gets the arrest protocol.

Although on examining him his back is covered in claw marks, like those of a large cat.  Ok, need to ask Gunnarsson about large cats.  

 

 

Well, YOU'RE new.  SausageSwiper? Any bets on what he does at Christmas, or just before Christmas?  Anyone?  

 

 

A party for one you say?  Oh good, because I have no intention of joining you. Nope. Nada. You just lie there and be arrested and I'll go bleach my uniform or something.

 

 

Oh, a two-fer.  My old friend DoorSlammer, and with WindowPeeper too.  Wonderful.  Did your parents not have better imagination when choosing names?  Or are those actually titles?  And I am putting far too much thought into this.

 

 

ROFL.  Well, fair enough.  It probably isn't edible.  I mean you might be able to physically eat it but...ok.

 

 

Anyways.  WindowPeeper and DoorSlammer are sitting tied up and awating the PPD to collect them. Although DoorSlammer DID chase me across a tent!

 

 

Meanwhile I have found another of their weird siblingsI present to you all, Sheepcote Clod!  (I have no idea.  Google will be needed after this)

 

 

A variety of Icelandic oddballs continues to appear before me.  DoorwaySniffer, Gully Gawk, SkyrGobbler (hide your yogurt), Stubby, SpoonLicker (him again) and MeatHook.

 

And I also come across Sancta Lucia, who is a very friendly lady that ladles out healing while I deal with the oddballs.

 

 

When I took down SpoonLicker he had this to say.

 

 

 

So, a cat.  This is all the fault of a cat?  I'm not going to ask Mynx for help.  That would be...weird.

Ok, back to see Captain Gunnarsson.

 

So, they've been driven out of their ancestral home by a Yule Cat?  Apparently there's a Yule Cat.  So we're not deporting them, are we?  Ok, he's going to have a think about this.

 

[Mission 2 = That was very strange and yet quite educational. I did a little search and voila! The Yule Lads are real things.  Well, real for a Christmassy value of real.  Fascinating!  I've learned stuff from an AE!]

 

Mission 3: So, I need to travel to these guys' ancestral home and sort things out from there and after that they'll stop menacing people in Paragon and stealing the spoons and licking the bowls and...you get the picture.

 

Well, that's ominous.  Their home is a cavern beneath the earth.  I knew I should have stayed at home myself today.  Maybe lounged around in my jimjams and ate cereal while watching cartoons.

 

 

So down through the tunnels I go, it's dank and quiet until I get to a cavern at the back, and there's the famous Yule Cat.  That thing is frikkin huge.  Ok, it's a cat that belongs to giants so maybe it's a ...giant cat?  Is that how this works?  I dunno.

 

 

Fortunately, like the Yule Lads, this cat cannot fly.  Also, in hindsight I am SOOO glad I never asked Mynx to help with this.  

 

 

Knocking out the Yule Cat has summoned Leppaludi.  He's Gryla's third husband apparently.  I don't want to know what happened the first two considering the nature of this household.  People were probably flayed and eaten.  Or made to eat flays.  Whatever flays might be.

 

 

Honestly, these people won't see reason.  With Leppaludi nursing a sore head from an Ion Judgement, his wife, that's Gryla by the way, arrives when Leppaludi calls her to help him.

What have I done to your cat?  Oh, I haven't neutered him or anything, he'll be fine in the morning. Or next Christmas.  Maybe.

 

 

I drop her down, my Storm Elemental giving her a bit of trouble.  Again, SOOO thankful these mythical people can't fly.  Do they need Reindeer?  Is that a different thing entirely?  Never mind.  Gryla has noticed her children are missing! So we are finally getting somewhere.

 

 

After a brief chat involving Gunnarsson (Let the Icelandic descendant speak to the Icelandic folks I say) things are sorted out.

 

 

[Mission 3 = This is a simple finale, some tough creatures though, but it couldn't have ended any other way.  Not bad at all!]

 

Verdict. A little rough around the edges in presentation, but actually fascinating.  Like I said, I actually learned stuff from an AE!  Cool.

 

Next up on TerroirNoir Presents "Engineria's Holiday Specials" is Secret Christmas S.O.S. by @aekolm.

Edited November 29, 2022 by TerroirNoir2

[Zhym]

2 hours ago, TerroirNoir2 said:

It seems things went a bit awry when Dr. Clement returned from the Christmas Dimension.  Yeah, there's one of those. Imagine those year round Christmas stores, and then multiply out to fill a whole dimension.  Oh, my teeth ache thinking about it. 

So, basically, it's like The Hallmark Channel, but an entire dimension?

[Zhym]

BTW, shouldn't Engineria have a holiday-themed costume for this? ;)

[Darmian]

1 minute ago, Zhym said:

BTW, shouldn't Engineria have a holiday-themed costume for this? 😉

Yeah, shouldn't she?  I mean why not?  ROFL.

[TerroirNoir2]

3 minutes ago, Zhym said:

BTW, shouldn't Engineria have a holiday-themed costume for this? 😉

Ok, I'll have a holiday themed outfit for the third one!  Happy now?

[TerroirNoir2]

Ok @Zhym and @Darmian. Happy now?  Here is Engineria chatting to the press with Super Charger.  Although he appears to be edging away from her since she showed up wearing this outfit.

 

[Zhym]

Gee, @TerroirNoir2, I was just thinking of a nice holiday scarf and cap, or maybe giving Engineria's regular armor a holiday re-coloring.  But that's...well, that's a statement, is what that is.

 

 

[TerroirNoir2]

1 minute ago, Zhym said:

Gee, @TerroirNoir2, I was just thinking of a nice holiday scarf and cap, or maybe giving Engineria's regular armor a holiday re-coloring.  But that's...well, that's a statement, is what that is.

 

 

I had an open invitation to visit the Meteors at any time...that might get rescinded once Super Charger passes on the news of this look!

[Zhym]

Then again, this guy is one of my characters, so I'm not exactly an authority on tasteful costumes:

 

[Zhym]

7 minutes ago, Zhym said:

Gee, @TerroirNoir2, I was just thinking of a nice holiday scarf and cap, or maybe giving Engineria's regular armor a holiday re-coloring.  But that's...well, that's a statement, is what that is.

(And that statement is, "I'm only fighting crime while on break from my job as a mall-Santa's helper elf.")

[TerroirNoir2]

Next on the channel for Engineria's Holiday Specials is Secret Christmas S.O.S. by @aekolm.

 

Well, after the previous two adventures Engineria is thoroughly sick of eggnog.  Or eggs. Or nog.  Whatever that might be.  Nog be Gone!  Oh, there's an S.O.S. coming from somewhere.  Hmm.  Ok, don the Christmas togs, because my other uniform is getting bleached after meeting SausageSwiper. My bookshelf is beeping.  In a world of sentient gas and electric rocket pants this is relatively normal.  Well, apart from it being MY bookshelf.  It doesn't usually beep at all.

 

Mission 1: There's a book in here.  Well, there's lotsa books but this one has a tablet inside it. There's a message.  "Ah, Engineria it has been quite a long time since we met, and our last meeting was one I will never forget." Ok.  I've met a LOT of people in the last however long and you'll have to be more specific than that, mysterious tablet I just found. The message clears and then a new one scrolls in. Seems they could use someone like myself and my past transgressions will receive a pardon.  Past transgressions?  Ok. Well, I've bent a few laws in a few different places.  Namely the Rogue Isles, but who counts those?  Might be a trap. Might not.  Let's find out. 

 

There are coordinates.  For the North Pole.  So latitude 64.7511100 degrees and longitude -147.3494400 degrees.  Give or take.

This will be interesting maybe.

 

So, I arrive at a warehouse at the coordinates.  And take stock.  (Heh, take stock in a warehouse)  There's a bunch of folks around called Nega Elves.  Wall Breakers and Polar Beams and Bow Cutters.  Lots of different ones.

 

And all nasty. But the old Corruptor Scourge is kicking in so that helps.  

 

 

Oh, and Cheer Drainers.  Because of course what you want at this time of year is some little elf to drain all the cheer.  I've started to rhyme.  Someone kill me.

 

 

You know, I'm not sure what I was expecting.  But I can say for certain that THIS was not on any potential list of expectations.  What the hell is HE doing here?  I suppose I'd better find out.  The trouble with situations like these is you're never sure if he'll attack you as soon as you've rescued him.  So, fingers crossed.

 

 

Well ok then.  Sure.  Let's go with that.  Nope.  Nope.  Not doubting your sincerity for a millisecond.  (I may in fact be still asleep on my couch after all that eggnog.  I HOPE I am.)

 

 

So anyways, folks, did I ever tell you about the time that me and Lord Recluse and a WHOLE BUNCH of Bane Spider guys decided to go on a rampage through a warehouse at the North Pole, because according to Lord Recluse, Santa had broken some sort of a deal? No?  I must some time.  Great story.  Some of it not entirely believable, I guess you kinda had to be there.

 

 

But then we found the NAUGHTY LIST.  As the little guy says, you'd think it would be bigger with places like the Rogue Isles existing.  Whatcha gonna do, hey?

 

 

And behind that list is Santa's Surveillance Equipment.  Well, doh.  Of course he has that.  How else does he compile a Naughty/Nice list?  I suppose in the olden days he'd have had spies everywhere.  Or...I'm still asleep on the couch, aren't I?

 

 

Shortly after that Lord Recluse leaves me coughing and spluttering when he blows up a coal storage box inside the warehouse.  His bodyguards all have masks, so of course they're fine. And look, who's that down there?

 

 

It's Jessica.  The Head Elf.  (I'm definitely asleep) There's a definite moment of "Who us?" from the Banes, and I swore I saw one of them nudging something broken away from him with his foot.  Hoping no one saw him do it.

 

 

So ANYWAY.  Jessica tells us that the Nega Elves invaded Santa's warehouse, and we really need to rescue Santa from Nega Santa.

I don't know if Recluse is glaring or not.  It's hard to tell in this light.  

 

 

So, returning home.  I take a stiff drink of defintely not eggnog.  And take a moment.

 

[Mission 1 = ROFLMAO.  Ok, that was mad.  Fun and mad.  Enjoy this, folks.]

 

Mission 2: So, after that trip home via Santa's teleporter I'm checking out my bookshelf again.  It's scorched.  No idea why.  Yule Log caught fire maybe?  And there's another tablet message.  At least this time I know it's from Lord Recluse.  Santa ain't behind the whatevers, it's his brother. Rick.  And a new set of coordinates.  So Recluse is ...going to save Christmas?  I poke my couch a bit to see if there's a me on it I can't see.  Dreams are strange anyways.  So, off to the coordinates. It was Rick Clause, who lives in the South Pole, who invaded the North Pole and kidnapped Santa.  They've always been rivals.  Recluse has gathered his forces and tracked Rick to a place outside Paragon where he's up to some nefarious plot no doubt. Ok, I am definitely asleep somewhere, because apparently Black Scorpion is on holiday in Mexcio for a week and I am needed to fill in for him. What?

 

I'll read that again.  Yep.  Ok.  Let's go do it then.

 

I'm not sure how I got here.  Screenwipe travel maybe.

 

This foresty area has a LOT of those nasty Nega Elves around.  I mean a lot.  And they're tougher than the last bunch I met.

 

 

 

 

Hang on, there's Dr. Aeon!  And I think I see Ice Mistral down there too.  No sign of Lord Recluse though.  I'll grab Aeon first, he's insane but useful.

Hiya, Aeon.  Be there in a minute.

 

 

You and me both, Aeon.  You and me both.  Ok, let's free Ice Mistral.

 

 

Oh, and there's Silver Mantis too!  Excellent.  Soon have all the gang here.  Won't that be fun?  More fun than a warehouse full of Bane Spider Executioners I bet.

 

 

We grab Mantis and then Lord Recluse himself makes his appearance.  

 

 

Then Wretch, Ghost Widow, Scirocco, Barracuda, Shadow Spider, Regent Korol, Captain Mako and more!  And then there's Santa!

We break him free of his bonds and head off to defeat Rick!

 

 

Just a whole bunch of us on our way to kick Nega Santa in the teeth.  

 

 

And there he is!  Wait, what?  Elite Lady Force?  What in gravy is an Elite Lady...never mind.  Just, you know, everyone hit him.

 

 

And BOOM!  Oh, he does NOT like that one little bit.

 

 

Robo Santas.  Wonderful.  That's all we need.  Well, they'll go down too, Rick.

And they do, but they're tough.

 

 

They have a cave troll.

I mean a Mecha Nega Santa.  Definite Boromir moment there.  

 

 

Well, this is it, folks.  What you've been good for all year long.  Wrong crowd?  Yeah, figured.  Look, either way we hit it, yeah?  Good.  As in "correct action for the circumstances" as opposed to anything else.  Just hit it.

And it gets frozen, and Ghost Widow does her weird spirit bindy thing, and there's Jessica the Head Elf!  Hiya Jessica!  Yoohoo!

 

 

That thing just said something about Fruit Cake Engine Low and needing to refuel.

I need to lie down.  Or wake up.  And then lie down again.

 

And we are done.

I'm going home.  Ya'll can summon a flyer and head back to the Rogue Isles.  

When I get back I find a message from Santa.

And it's just odd.

 

 

Later that same day Engineria wakes up on her couch with stomach cramps from too much eggnog and the faint recollection of a very strange dream about Christmas.

 

[Mission 2 = A tough and enjoyable free for all as you drag your AV buddies around the map and cause all sorts of mayhem. Fun!]

 

Verdict.  A little more polish needed and maybe a spellcheck or two, but it delivers Christmas oddness like nothing else 🙂

 

Next up on TerroirNoir Presents "Engineria's Holiday Specials" is Murder on 34th Street by @@Charlie

Edited November 29, 2022 by TerroirNoir2

[Darmian]

That last one is rather odd indeed!  HA!

[Zhym]

Wow.  That's...gonzo.  Yes, let's go with gonzo.

 

Some cool ideas in there, but I've had five year-olds tell me stories that were more coherent. ;)

[Darmian]

4 hours ago, TerroirNoir2 said:

They have a cave troll.

I mean a Mecha Nega Santa.  Definite Boromir moment there.  

ROFL 

[TerroirNoir2]

Next on the channel for Engineria's Holiday Specials is Murder on 34th Street by @@Charlie

 

Engineria is contacted by Santa's lawyer.  Santa has been arrested for the murder of one Elliot Duncan. There's testimony saying reindeer hooves were heard outside Mr. Duncan's store, a used toy store, and Duncan's daughter claims to have seen "Mommy kissing Santa Claus", so there's probable motive if Duncan was removed due to perhaps a blackmail attempt on Santa at the least, and the most?  Who knows?

 

The lawyer wants me to head to the crime scene and scope the place out.  (So far so...normal? After my eggnog induced lunacy recently I'm still not sure what's real)

 

Mission 1: Discovery.  So, the crime scene. Not so much a used toy store as a place for Duncan to keep all his obsessions and possibly sell them. There's everything from slot machines to weapons.  Although those could have been replicas. 

 

 

Searching around Engineria finds a few things.

First off it wasn't a robbery.  Or at least it wasn't a conventional robbery.  All the takings and valuables are still in the safe.  So if anything is missing then we wouldn't know it was missing because it wouldn't normally be here.  If you see what I mean.  Speculation of course.

 

 

What else do we have out here?  Nothing.  Time to check in the back.  Ah, a bookshelf.  Ok then, let's see. Frost on the books, but no open windows.  Attributed to Santa.  However Santa, while known for being around in the Winter, isn't known for freezing things or leaving icy trails behind.  That's more of a Jack Frost MO.

I'll just move along before I melt the evidence.

 

 

An open computer reveals emails between Duncan and his wife.  Seemingly reconciled after her "moment of weakness" when she kissed Santa.  So, marriage easing itself off the rocks then.  And if that's so why would Duncan have a grudge still?  Well, of course he would. Life's not that simple. But acting on it and Santa then killing him for it?  That's a whole other level.

 

Ah, the body is still here.  Was not expecting that. No sign of any medical officers, just some PPD on the radio.  Flies around him.  Odd.  And he smells of peppermint.  Or possibly creme de menthe.   

 

 

Now, while that cop is on the radio I'm going to have a little quick look at the files here. Easy does it.  There we go.  Ok, store records.  This place is, as you'd expect, seasonally profitable.  So around this time of year it makes a lot more money, which is still in the safe, so getting into an altercation with Santa would damage business.  Then again, as I said, grudges and personal hurt don't just evaporate.  Not without the hypno beam. Did I say hypno beam? Gimme a second to turn this on. Ok, YOU WILL FORGET ABOUT THE HYPNO BEAM. THERE IS NO HYPNO BEAM. YOU CAN GO ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS. THESE ARE NOT THE DROIDS YOU'RE LOOKING FOR.

 

 

Hey, he's got a garage area in the back!  Did he buy this place from the Lou's Garage franchise when Lou sold up I wonder?  

Hmm, what's this?

Peppermint residue. Bits of candy cane.  Possible Duncan was stabbed with candy canes.  Should have checked the body's injuries for crystallized sugar in the wounds.

 

 

Time to report back to the lawyer.  Hang on, I never got his name.  Oh, this entire holiday season is not good for my sanity.

The lawyer is pretty pleased to be proved right, that the PPD were slacking off.  Well we will see. 

 

[Mission 1 = Tidy little atmospheric opener.  Short and interesting.  Leads you along nicely.  Could be a temptation to rush through it. Don't.]

 

Mission 2: Cross Examination. Cross Examination. Well, the lawyer picks apart all Engineria discovered.  He's narrowed in on the peppermint thing.  Searching the files in City Hall he unearths a series of complaints, smell based complaints.  And a particular one in Platinum Lake filed a few days before Duncan's death complained distinctly of peppermint! So, looks like I'm heading there.

 

Well, this place reeks of peppermint.  And lookee, Icers and Winter Wiseguys.  Peppermint Family it looks like, and nasty! 

 

 

And these are the Jack Frost Gang!  Ha!  I knew it.  Ok, I didn't know it but you know, I'm claiming it.  Damn, a singularity!  And a weird enemy snowstorm thing.

Across the room I go, flying through the air!

 

 

A Candy Cane Assassin. Well, there's a killer of Duncan if I ever saw one.  And he's surrounded by more of the Jack Frost Gang, and evil snow.  Evil snow?  I mean how mad is that when you think about it? Without a trace?  Well, you're mistaken on that point.  Peppermint everywhere friend.

 

 

It's getting tougher the further in to the building I go.  So I call up Buddy and we go at it together.  Peppermint Punk, huh? Well, let's deal with them.

 

 

And I hear someone talking!

Pure uncut COAL?  Ok, friend, you got taken for a ride.  You can get coal almost anywhere.  Hell, you want uncut? Plenty of mines closed over the years would give you all you want.

 

 

Ok, me and Buddy are heading in to find this mystery speaker.  It might get tough so we summon Marcus. Three of us can do it. 

 

 

Oh man, Buddy is kinda brave when you think about it.  I just got flung across the room and bounced over some ice.  Marcus is fighting, I think four at once, and Buddy is taking on the big guy himself.  Mr. Snowman.  So, you got a sweet deal on coal? Hate to break it to you, the world is going green.  (Don't look at my  powers!)

 

 

Buddy goes down just before Marcus gets to him, but he'll be back later once he gets out of the med center.  I fire up some rads at Mr. Snowman while Marcus goes to town on the cold guy. Fortunately Buddy had seriously weakened Mr. Snowman.

 

 

And he is on his knees and arrested.  The Jack Frost Gang's hired hitman is going to the Zig.  Time to get back to the lawyer.

 

So, we've proved that Santa didn't do it.  It'll just need legal confirmation. 

 

[Mission 2 = Fun free for all across the classic Frostfire map, lots of sliding and slipping, and some good foes to fight.  Liked it!]

 

Mission 3: Objection. Well, shenanigans are ongoing!  Despite the mass of proof that Santa didn't murder Duncan, he hasn't been released from the Zig. And to make things even more suspicious there's a lockdown at the prison, on Santa's cellblock. It seems Jack Frost had a back up plan to take the Jolly Man out if all else failed. So Engineria needs to fight her way in, rescue Santa and deal with Jack Frost and his goons.

 

All in a day's work for this eggnog addled heroine!

 

Arriving in I find a crashed but flyable Arachnos Flyer.  That'll do to get Santa out when I find him.  Get him to safety and THEN deal with Jack Frost.  No point Santa getting caught in crossfire.

 

Oh hey, looks like the gang are definitely here.  Let's thin the numbers a bit, I'll need a clear run back this way when I get the big man free.

 

 

Of course there's a bunch of regular escapees to deal with.  Yeah, yeah, happy holidays to you too but stay down and the guards will collect you for your Christmas feast and so on in a while.  Don't forget to hang your stocking up!

 

 

So in through the sewer and up through the damaged floor and into the cellblock.  More regular prisoners and a few of Jack Frost's goons to handle.  Done.  And lookee here.  THAT'S why Santa isn't out.  Must have a lot of influence to corrupt Awakened PPD, those guys are normally squeaky clean.

 

 

And they mean to earn their money today!  (What on earth does an Awakened PPD guy need extra money for anyway?)

Don't worry Santa, Engineria's a comin'!

 

 

Ok, I outlast the Awakened PPD and get to the cell.  Yeah, lovely, don't get your beard in a twist, Santa, we're not out yet.  

Come on!  MUSH!  (Yeah, I know that's for dogs but go with it.)

 

 

So Engineria and Santa make it back across the cleared yard and to the Arachnos Flyer without incident.  All good.  It's not a sleigh, Santa, but it's the best I have at the moment.  Get going while I look for Jack Frost.  And I'll be bringing friends. 

 

 

Yep, I'm bringing friends.  Christmas is a time of good cheer and people coming together.  And Buddy and Marcus here are coming together with me to arrest you, Jack. Failing that you may get some personally delivered gifts. 

 

 

And we go for him! Well, he's ordering his goons to take out the flyer too, can't have that!  No siree!  And yep, that was me. Along with my two friends here.  You might say we have the Christmas Spirit!  (Although I'm sure she's off doing other things and I hopefully never see her again.)

 

 

Yeah, yeah, save it for the judge, Jack.  You're definitely going down.  And we won't even have to bring you anywhere, you've sent yourself special delivery to the Zig.  Buddy takes out the minions and Engineria and Marcus tackle Jack Frost himself.  He says the charges should have stuck.  I don't see how but lots of vills are delusional that way.  And then he's down.  Good work, team!

 

 

Back to Santa's lawyer then to let him know the details of what happened.

I'm not going to tell you what he said to me, there's a part of every Christmas tale or gift that should be a surprise.  

 

[Mission 3 = A nice little wrap up finale to the arc.  Very well put together.  Play it and enjoy.]

 

Verdict.  Straight and simple and effective.  Gets to the point and doesn't let up.  Lots of fun.

 

Next up on TerroirNoir Presents "Engineria's Holiday Specials" is The Dance-off that saved Christmas by @Clave Dark 5.

Edited December 1, 2022 by TerroirNoir2

[TerroirNoir2]

Next on the channel for Engineria's Holiday Specials is The Dance-off that saved Christmas by @Clave Dark 5.

 

Mission 1: Last Minute Shopping Deals. Oh dear sacred Giant Easter Bunny. It's Jet-Pack Santa.  He's broke and lost the deeds to the North Pole.  To the Boogie Man. I've been tasked with going down town and with this 5 bucks he gave me...counts...4.82 actually...getting cheap cheap cheap presents.  And I need to watch out for irate Reindeer.  Seems getting paid in coal annoyed them.  Ok, first thing here.  Coal?  And second thing, why PAY Reindeer?  

 

Never mind.  My holiday season has been sooo odd thus far, I mean how weirder can it get?  I've jinxed it, haven't I?

Oh, it's all gone a bit meta for Engineria, so much so that's she wondering what @TerroirNoir/@TerroirNoir2 is up to now.  And that's not normal, is it?  

 

Jet-Pack Santa's definition of Reindeer turns out to be a bit different than mine.  I hadn't imagined these guys at all.  Also, no sign of a sleigh.  There may be a "slay" later though.  (Oh dear me)

 

 

Here, what's on this pinboard then?  A flyer for a Masked Dance-off Competition. On Christmas Eve.  BIG MONEY PRIZES.  Well, that's convenient. Man, this place has gone down hill since Elliot Duncan used to own it.  

 

 

Oho!  Those Reindeer want the 5 bucks!  HA! It's only 4.82, suckers!

 

 

It seems they still want it though!  Well, I'm not having that!  Get your hooves offa me! This fourth wall breaking arc is starting to do my head in.  I mean what's a gal to do in a situation like this?  Apart from wonder if Reindeer meat is tasty that is. I don't think I'll call Buddy or Marcus in on this one, I mean they might just laugh at me.

 

 

Ok, stepping over the bundles of cooked hair and hoof that are several moaning...mooing?...Reindeer, I wander into the back and have a further look around.

 

Ok, I find boxes of unopened AE board games.  Let me take off my goggles and rub my eyes for a minute.  Yep, AE board games.  I can get the lot for 5 bucks.  The proprietor will take the 4.82 just to get them out of the store.  So, all good.  Or something.  Dr. Aeon really branched out at one point it looks like.  

 

 

Popping back to see Jet-Pack Santa he just glances at the AE board games but his eyes just twinkle when he sees the Dance-off flyer in my hand.

Oh, this is going to get weirder, isn't it?

 

[Mission 1 = If light comedy ain't your thing then I dunno what to say to you.  This is fun and fast and give it a whirl!]

 

Mission 2: Spelunking in a Winter Under-Land. In fact, yes, Jet-Pack Santa is very enthusiastic about the Masked Dance-off on Christmas Eve.  I mean of course he is.  He's as mad as a bunch of color blind badgers in a bag.  (Just getting my references in while I can).

 

So his clever "plan"...notice I can pronounce quote marks, it's a gift I tell ya...is for me to go to the Boogie Man's coal mines and check out the elves there and their dance moves, since you know, they're OBVIOUSLY the competition.  Obviously.  Why didn't I think of that?  Hey, Santa, I mean you have 364 other days of the year (365 on the leap), getta job!  

 

So, anyway, I'm now visiting a coal mine. Oh, they're on to me.  I swear, if I meet Will Ferrell in here there will be trouble. More trouble.  Whatever.

 

 

Hmm, they're all huddled around that Shelf Sitter guy.  Wonder what his deal is.  Let's go see, shall we?

 

 

Well, it turns out he's not at all friendly.  Not one little bit.  So rather than being a hostage or anything he's even more irate than those Reindeer I met in the discount store.  

 

 

After much twirling and jumping, and ok, I gotta hand it to them, these elves have some moves, I lay them low. Moaning and groaning and elfing about whatever the hell elves moan and groan and elf about.

 

Then I run into a Managerial Elf.  Like that's a thing now.  Put him behind schedule too.  For what?  Coal?  Since when does coal have a best before date?

Up ahead I see another bunch of dancing tiny weirdoes.  Surrounding a guy called Flimsy.  Now Flimsy IS in need of rescue.  However it seems Santa sent him in here ahead of me.  So did Santa already know about the Dance-off and...this is the bad plotting the Voice Over was on about, isn't it?  Did I not mention the Voice Over earlier?  Well, I didn't want anyone to think I was (a) going mad or (b) still tanked on eggnog.

 

 

Right, let's get this guy outta here.  And me too.  I think I've learned enough moves.

And these guys know that I know them.  Well, have at ye!

 

 

Ah! Blinded by elf!  All I can see is elf crotch.  This is worse than that SausageSwiper guy and his Sausage Party for one.  I dunno why I get up in the morning sometimes.

 

 

But me and Flimsy manage to get to the exit and get away.  All's well that...I will stop that sentence right there.  Right there.

 

 

Let's see what Jet-Pack Santa has to say for himself, shall we?  It can only get odder, I'm sure of that. And there's still a Dance-off to attend, isn't there?

 

He thanks me for saving Flimsy, one of his favorite elves.  And did I get a chance to check out the moves the opposition were doing?  Because apparently I need to practice!  Big day coming up in order to save Christmas.

 

[Mission 2 = More of the same!  Ha.  Just light hearted and enjoyable.  Take it as it comes and have fun.]

 

Mission 3: Come In, And Show Me Better Moves! Ok, it's the big day and Jet-Pack Santa is trying to give me a pep talk. (I wonder does Pep Becktrees do pep talks?  Like TED Talks, but with Pep?  I think I need to lie down for a while)  So if I can win the competition, Santa here can rehire all the elves, get the North Pole back from the Boogie Man and I won't have to fight his evil robot twin.  Hate to break it to ya, Santa, but...been there, done that.

 

And Atlas Park is where it's at.

Dance Fans.  With rifles.  Lots of them.  Shooting at ME.  I mean isn't this against the rules?  Isn't there a judge, like on Dancing with the Stars?  Why am I even asking this?

 

 

And there's the man himself, the Boogie Man.  Oh, now I get it.  Boogie = Dance.  And here was me thinking it was about being scary.  Not that he's not scary.  Should have worn that Dance Legend badge I picked up outside the old Paragon Dance Party club in Steel Canyon, just for the look of it.

Deeds to the North Pole you say?  Well, what gal could refuse such an offer?

 

 

So we bust some moves!  Well, MY moves are all powered by Kinetics and Radiation, so the Boogie Man may have some internal injuries and bleeding gums later, but hey, he brought assistants with rifles and automatics!  

 

 

And then the pair of us have trouble!  For advancing across the "stage" is a bunch of Reindeer!  And Elves.  

 

 

I finish off the Boogie Man like I was some kind of radioactive Kevin Bacon.  Footloose! Everybody cut loose!  Before bringing the pain to the advancing horde.  Bouncy!

 

 

They got no chance against me.  And with that I wander over to the Gaudyometer to collect my prize.  I mean, lookit that thing! TACKY.

It is however stuffed with cash, and I also have the deed to the North Pole now.  So Jet-Pack Santa can do his thing and I can go get an ice pack or something.

 

 

Jet-Pack Santa gives me a cookie and says I'll be happy on Christmas morning.

Ok, I'm done.  If I see you in a year it'll be too soon.

 

[Mission 3 = ROFLMAO.  Ok, that's the review.  Ha.]

 

Verdict. Well, it's true to form, it's tongue in cheek and meta nonsense that jingles all the way.  Enjoy!

 

Next on the channel for Engineria's Holiday Specials is The Most Wonderful Crime of the Year. by @Defeat All Snakes. (@boilinghands on the AE console)

Edited December 1, 2022 by TerroirNoir2

[TerroirNoir2]

Next on the channel for Engineria's Holiday Specials is The Most Wonderful Crime of the Year by @Defeat All Snakes. (@boilinghands on the AE console)

 

So Grandville is in the midst of a Christmas Crackdown.  And that's not a euphemism for anything.  Recluse has banned it.  One shadowy figure, known only as "The Sandman", dares to stand against this edict. 

 

Turns out the Sandman is Scirocco. And he does not care for the "Sandman" nickname.  So, let's never mention that again, yeah?

 

Mission 1: Three Hours til Curfew. Anyways, Scirocco believes that a loyal and true servant, willing and all, is far better than 100 cowering ones.  Since he's holding a scimitar at my neck I'll just go along with that and maybe wonder if I'm a cowering peon or just sensible.

 

Scirocco tells me that he has heard of a potential ally in this Christmas Resistmas thing.  Mr. Westin Phipps.  (Should I tell him?  It might save some time.  However, he's not listening, so there's that.)  So, I have to find him and earn his trust (gag) and recruit him to the cause.  (Then again, Ol' Phipps might see a benefit to this so who knows)

 

I go looking for him and end up in a flooded building.  Great.  And there's guys having merry and swigging nog.  And nope, no nog for me thankyewverymuch.  Oho. Who is this?  Little Noelle Noelle, looking fearful.  Let's give her a helping festive hand.

 

 

So I get rid of her companions and she seems pleasant enough.  So you got a puppy and Mr. Phipps is...ok then, let's go find your puppy.  

 

 

I haven't even gone around the corner and we have company from a bunch of drunks.  And they're fightin' drunk too by the looks of things.  Stay outta the way, Noelle.  Your Aunt Engineria is gonna have to play rough with the big boys.

 

 

And play rough I do.  They go down, and then I have to deal with the guy who was selling them the illicit nog.  It's a regular beateasy in here.  

 

 

Some sort of Nogleggers?  Is that even a thing?  How far the Mooks and the Family have fallen, huh.

Ok Noelle, on we go.  Leave him lying there in the water, he might sober up. 

 

Oh, leave Mr. Phipps alone?  He's a good man?  Well, Scirocco seems to think so too.  Me?  I have my doubts but I'm willing to give the guy the benefit of them.   In the meantime you ladies need to get outta our way or face the consequences.

 

 

The ladies don't take kindly to me so I don't take kindly to them.  They're soon lying groaning and Noelle and I move on and run into a Haven House derelict.  He's got nothing to say for himself apart from demanding more nog and telling me to  ...covers Noelle's ears...screw you and so on.

 

Then we run into some bums and a workman, and they're looking shifty and think we're planning something.  At least that's my take on it.  I don't have time for a longer take on it because they decide my insides would look better on the outside.  Strung up like decorations perhaps.

They have a little bit of trouble getting near me, what with the Kinetic Repel (slotted for Knockdown) just bouncing them in the dank water. Whatever they have they're damn sure I am not going to take it from them. Trust me, if it wasn't for hitting you to defend myself, I wouldn't touch you with a long pole, friend.

 

 

Ok, that took longer than expected.  Those guys were tough.  But, Noelle, do you see who I see?  It's Mr. Phipps.  And he's got friends with him, all carrying boxes.  What's that?  They're probably full of Christmas gifts for all the children?  I wouldn't say that...no, don't cry!  Yes.  Gifts.  Sure.

 

 

Ok, let's go and see...Noelle, sweetie.  Your Aunt Engineria would like you to maybe stay further back please.  And don't look at anything.  Or listen to anything.  Ears and eyes covered, yes that's it.  I'll be back for you in a bit.

Sheesh.  Looks like you were wrong, Scirocco.  And I was right.  Sometimes being right is not good. Although Phipps is really overdoing it.

 

 

You say I'M here to ruin Christmas?  All Recluse did was ban it!  Now that's Puritan Central 101 if you ask me, and frankly even if you don't, but you!  Oh, you are a sick individual, Westin Phipps.  I'm gonna beat the tar outta ya.

 

 

Me?  How could I?  Come here to me, you little creep and we'll see who gets turned into stew!  Where the hell did all these guys come from?  A posse?  Figures Phipps would have some sort of entourage to help him with his "good works".

 

 

Even when I drop the little shit the posse keep on coming! Wonderful. Noelle! I asked you to stay out of range of all this madness, didn't I?  Ok, never mind, I'll have this...GET OFFA ME...sorted out in a few minutes.

There.  Now, what are you looking at?

 

 

Oh, that.  A box.  Making sounds.  Yappy barking sounds.  Well, looks like you have your puppy, Noelle.  No, give me that.  Yes, I know he's chewing that and a growing pup needs to strengthen his teeth, but that's a hand.  So, pass it over here, yeah?  Good girl.

 

 

I trudge back through the flooded building with Noelle in tow.  Scirocco is actually waiting for me.

 

 

Ok, see Scirocco, it's like this.  And I tell him.

He's not pleased. Not pleased about Phipps and not pleased that he didn't know about Phipps.  So, I'm to think no more of it and he'll deal with that particular situation himself.

As for what's next?  I have no idea but Scirocco is as good at Christmas as Jack Skellington.

 

[Mission 1 = Interesting sideways take on the seasonal tale with echoes of Scrooge and Nightmare Before Christmas.  Fun!]

 

Mission 2: Two Hours til Curfew. Scirocco is...perturbed.  That's the best word for it I suppose.  All the other Patrons seemed to know of Phipps's evil ways, and looked the other way because his plots never interfered with theirs. So that's a bust.

 

Now for the other surprise.  (Well, for Scirocco, not me.  I've had a few already this holiday season). Santa exists but his sleigh was shot down over the Fab in Grandville. So, I'm a gonna have to bust Santa out of Arachnos custody.  Whoopee.  Wait, there's more.  I may have an ally (better be better than the last one you found us, Sandy!) A mysterious figure known as the Boogie Man. (Oh not more dancing) He leads a secret order of Bane Spiders (Yay! Not more dancing!) And if we can pay him in "mystic emeralds" (what are those?) he will lead me to Claus.

 

So, get in, shut off the detention block security, and if I come across a "Jack Frost" (popular name) recruit him to cause mayhem in there. 

 

So, into the belly of the beast I go. Wish me luck.

 

So, they really ARE cracking down on Christmas.  Time to be stealthy.

 

 

So much for stealth.  I've been spotted by Operative Grinch.  And he seems...grinchy?  Grumpy?  Whatever it is he's not happy I'm here and is demanding back up to take my Christmas loving self down.

 

 

Seems his contact, Boogie Man, is not responding to him.  Looks like we DO have a man on the inside.  Mystic Emeralds though?  What are they?  Anyway, I free Jack Frost, and he's another grump but at least he's a friendly grump. Friend = someone currently on my side at the moment.

Then I shut down the detention security and we move on through the building.

 

 

Plenty of Arachnos trying to stop us as we move forward, and then we reach this odd scene.  One Felix Navidad, surrounded by...well, you tell me.  Jack?  Any ideas?  No.  Ok, let's wade in and see what's what.

 

 

Oh ok, I get it.  We're at cross purposes here and you think I'm the enemy.  Well, I'm on the clock, friend, and I don't have time to explain to you that I'm here to rescue your boss.  He can fill you in later when he needs to.  In the meantime have a rad blast and stay outta my way!

 

 

So we deal with the frazzled elves and keep moving.  Then we find a stack of barrels and the sounds of drunken bane spiders emanating from a corner.  They're not that hard to defeat given their wobbly state.  Then the cherry on the cake.  I use the word "cherry" in its broadest possible sense here, I remind everyone.

 

 

He's drunk as a skunk.  I try bringing him with us because he's currently friendly enough, but he keeps wandering off, staggering around and generally getting lost.  After this last incident Me and Jack just leave him and head further into the building.  He better hope that suit has a way of detoxifying him of he's gonna have one hell of a hangover. Yeah, I'll definitely pass THAT on.  For sure.  Come on, Jack.

 

 

After dodging by Fortunata Cassandra, who knew we'd be coming but still couldn't stop us, we run into Candy Kane.  Lovely gal and she joins the fight with great enthusiasm.  Now we are 3. Operative Scrooge here doesn't care for that but after a few minutes he doesn't care for anything except the taste of metal floor. Me on the ground?  Nah, don't think so.

 

 

After that we meet more people that were rounded up in the Christmas purge. One, Carol of the Belles, runs off to look for her son.  Can't say I blame her. Then we have the pleasure of Mad jack Crimbletree's company.  I say pleasure...fill in the rest. He's a genuine tinsel terrorist. I don't know if that's a good thing or not but right now he's on our side. Now we are 4.

 

Then we finally meet the Boogie Man!  He thanks me for the "mythic emeraldth".  I didn't even know I had them.  Sneaky Scirocco!  And Santa is on the top floor so he's gonna lead us to him.  Well finally.

 

 

Hitting the top floor we run into Santarantula!  And a Mrs Claws.  And there's...Paindeer.  Paindeer?  Oh look, Von Grun. Well that explains the Paindeer then. And there's no sign of Santa! Santarantula rants about the Naughty/Nice database and threatens us with coal. Oh this is so odd.  Ok, not dance-off odd or SpoonLicker odd but, you know.

 

 

We clear the place and leave a sobbing Von Grun behind.  Scirocco is going to be mad about this.  I just know it. Though the Naughty/Nice database I just swiped may come in useful.  I hope!

 

 

Scirocco says this is unfortunate.  Most unfortunate. Well, I'd take him more seriously if he hadn't puppies swarming around his feet.

One hour to go, Sandy.  What's the plan?

 

[Mission 2 = Great building sweep, plenty of characters to meet and bios to read, and DO read them, they're fun. Looking forward to seeing how this ends!]

 

Mission 3: One hour til curfew. So, Scirocco is depressed.  So far so nothing new as far as I can see.  Oh woe is him and his eternal curse.  However, with the Naughty/Nice database he can get the Mu to substitute for Santa and thereby bring Christmas to Grandville and the Rogue Isles! All the confiscated gifts and letters from children are in a disposal center, so we get those, a ritual is enacted and VOILA!  Christmas time!  (You are as dumb as a bag of hammers).  So, we're going in separately and I have to watch out for the Noggini Family, there's a hit on me.  And the puppies got into a growth hormone so they're huge.  Oh my. 

 

Well, in I go.

 

And up ahead is...Mur'rikrssmss.  Seriously?  And he has elves around him.  Ok, drop them and grab him. Betray me? You?  Why the very idea.  I'm watching you, friend.

 

 

Damn it.  Ran straight into a bunch of Noggini.  And they've informed their boss that I'm here.  Well, that's gonna make my day.  As if the last few hours weren't already strange enough.

 

 

So weaving and diving and dropping Noggini assailants as we go, we finally reach the box of letters, and hey, whaddaya know?  Mur'rikrssmss BETRAYS ME.  Well, ol' Sandy is gonna love that when I tell him.

 

 

Looks like Scirocco already knows what's going down!  Right, where are you, you eternally optimistic depressive?

 

 

Ok, found him on the mezzanine level.  Ok, Buddy, I know he's a villain but, greater good and all that, yeah?

 

 

Don't be ashamed?  Oh, I'm not.  YOU'RE the one who ...never mind.  It's like shouting at a mirror getting through to you sometimes. Oh, who is calling you now?

 

 

Noelle Noelle!  What the hell is she doing here?  More searches for puppies?  Probably. And those guys around her?  Figgy Pudding and the gang.  I kid you not.

 

 

So we rescue Noelle Noelle.  Seems a cute boy told her we were in trouble, and she BROUGHT all the puppies.  And they appear around her, huge slavering things. Ok then.  Could be useful.  We'll see.

We wade through an ambush of Mu'jitsu students and...yeah, Mu'jitsu students, before hitting more Noggini and Scirocco discovering that Mu'Drakhan is here to corrupt the Christmas ritual.  I'll bet he's here for more than just that actually.  Dead man's shoes, Scirocco. Watch your back.

 

 

I am SO glad I wore this seasonal costume.  Imagine getting recognized here?  The embarrassment of it.

Still pricks the ego a bit though.

 

 

We fight our way through wave after wave of Mu intent on subverting Christmas for their own ends (no idea WHAT that might be), past Mu'dolph and others, and past more Figgy Pudding and Christmas Turkey & Co, and then lookee here, The Noggfather.  Well, I have to deal with this one myself, but I'd appreciate the help, gang.  Buddy is already with me.

 

 

He's tough but against all of us he goes down.  And he's not particularly happy about the mutts!  Ha!

Then we round a corner and before us is Mu'Drakhan (PURPLE!) and he's all pseudo conciliatory.  I'm just surprised he doesn't say "Nothing personal, it's just business".

 

 

I'm wary of this because Scirocco is taking a beating. Scirocco!  So while Buddy and Noelle back him up I rummage in the utility built and summon Marcus.  And a Storm Elemental, because why the hell not? In the meantime Floaty MacFloaterson has disappeared up into the roof beams! Those dogs have REALLY good balance!  Crazy.  But Mu'Drakhan is defeated and lies there moaning covered in dog dribble.  We're not done yet even though it looks like we should be.

 

 

We have several twisted Mu rituals to disrupt, which we do, destroying the glass altar things that power them each time.

Along the way we pick up Tyrone.  That's the Boogie Man by the way.  And finally?

Ice Mistral.

She's not happy. (Is anyone here happy?  I'm happy.  Well, I'm happy no one has set me on fire)

 

 

His protégé is fierce and fortunately for us Buddy and Marcus round the corner and join the fray.  Buddy does get flung through the air though!  Hope that armor has cushioning and shock absorbers in it! From what I can make out from Ice Mistral, she wants Scirocco to stop wasting his damn time.  Hell, I thought of telling him that, but he had a scimitar at my neck so thought better of it.  Ick.

 

 

We subdue her and drag her out.  Curfew hits and we've failed to save Christmas.  It remains illegal in the Rogue Isles.

Scirocco is in quite a mood.

(And when you, fellow player, try this, have a good read of the final Architect Clue to see how it all ends.  I won't spoiler it here)

 

[Mission 3 = Plenty to do, plenty to read (look at all the bios) comedy and action combined.  Good stuff]

 

Verdict.  Great Holiday arc.  Just go and play it. Can't say more than that!

 

Next up on TerroirNoir Presents "Engineria's Holiday Specials" is I hate Christmas Music by @Police Woman (@PW on the AE console)

Edited December 4, 2022 by TerroirNoir2

[Zhym]

11 hours ago, TerroirNoir2 said:

Scirocco tells me that he has heard of a potential ally in this Christmas Resistmas thing.  Mr. Westin Phipps.  (Should I tell him?  It might save some time.  However, he's not listening, so there's that.)

 

Aw, man.  Westin Phipps?  Screw that guy.  Even my villains are like, "I'm not having anything to do with him." 

 

I don't suppose there's already an AE arc where Westin Phipps gets his comeuppance?

Edited December 2, 2022 by Zhym

[TerroirNoir2]

20 minutes ago, Zhym said:

I don't suppose there's already an AE arc where Westin Phipps gets his comeuppance?

 

I haven't seen one so far.

[Zhym]

15 minutes ago, TerroirNoir2 said:

 

I haven't seen one so far.

Drat.  I might just have to write one, then.

 

Or, heyyyy... @Darmian, @cranebump, @Ankylosaur—do any of you take commissions? ;)

[Defeat All Snakes]

Hey hey, people. So, the savage beatings he receives in mission 1 aside, Scirocco also strongly implies he's going to "deal with" Phipps himself in the closing text. But amusingly, I ran this IC with the Doom Crew last year, and Queen Raccoon decided they were going to canonically (purely in Crew Canon, of course) finish him off there and then, which led to me bringing back his spirit in the subsequent Valentine's Day arc, in which they all went to Hell. ...Look, trust me, it all made sense at the time.

 

Unfortunately, his time down below hadn't changed him much.

 

 

Phipps, perhaps more than any other character, occupies an interesting position in the CoH roster. He's almost universally loathed by hero and villain alike, and I think the reason for that is that he's that little bit more "real" than most of his peers. You look at the redside lineup and you've got Megatron, Skeletor, Thanos -- and then suddenly out of nowhere you're looking at Heinrich Himmler. He's uncomfortably believable.

[Zhym]

1 hour ago, Defeat All Snakes said:

Phipps, perhaps more than any other character, occupies an interesting position in the CoH roster. He's almost universally loathed by hero and villain alike, and I think the reason for that is that he's that little bit more "real" than most of his peers. You look at the redside lineup and you've got Megatron, Skeletor, Thanos -- and then suddenly out of nowhere you're looking at Heinrich Himmler. He's uncomfortably believable.

I think you're on to something there.  Most red side is typical cartoon villainy.  Vernon von Grun wants to be a mad scientist, Aeon is a mad scientist, and all Recluse wants to do is take over the world (is that so wrong?).  But Phipps takes pleasure in grinding his boots on the faces of the downtrodden.  He gets off on it.  Burning books and kidnapping schoolteachers who are teaching Freaks to be better people aren't steps to some greater plan; they are the plan.  Ends in themselves. 

 

Yeah, that's all too realistic of a motivation.

 

Maybe that's why his arcs all seem to have "outs."  You can let Miss Francine escape.  Same with the rebels.  You "fail" the missions, but the post-mission text in each case is far from chiding.  And in the arc with Bane Spider Hugo, everyone you "capture" escapes anyway.  Phipps doesn't actually accomplish much.

 

Two other red side arcs have similar issues: Lt. Harris's "Price of Friendship" and Jezebel Jones's "Johnny's Squeeze."  Harris is a creepy homicidal ex, and I really wish there were alternate endings available for that arc.  It's a shame, too, because completing it kicks Longbow out of Fort Darwin, which is a worthy goal.  As for Jezebel, "Johnny's Squeeze" is played less darkly, but the central theme is still about kidnapping a woman and forcing her to be someone's "girlfriend" against her will.  Ugh.  And it would have been so easy to have the same general plot but without the creepiness: instead of Johnny deciding he wants this woman and having her kidnapped, she initiates things (fan mail with a revealing photo, maybe?) and he sends the villain to rescue her.  Having her initiate things even makes more sense given the rest of the story.

 

I really like the idea of Westin Phipps in Hell.  Nice touch.

 

I'm now toying with the idea of an arc where you take down Phipps once and for all.  Gally Ido would probably be the contact.  Hugo Figures could be a mission ally.  The goal would be not just to arrest or beat up Phipps, but to destroy him: turn Arachnos against him and replace him with someone who would use Haven House for what it pretends to be.  And yes, there'd probably be a mission where you beat him up, because that would be fun.  But I'm not sure what the general outline of the story would be yet.  

Edited December 3, 2022 by Zhym

[Darmian]

9 hours ago, Zhym said:

Drat.  I might just have to write one, then.

 

Or, heyyyy... @Darmian, @cranebump, @Ankylosaur—do any of you take commissions? 😉

Not at the moment, no, ha.  Actually, apart from visits to Redside I've never written an arc set exclusively there.  Hmm.

[Darmian]

14 minutes ago, Zhym said:

I think you're on to something there.  Most red side is typical cartoon villainy.  Vernon von Grun wants to be a mad scientist, Aeon is a mad scientist, and all Recluse wants to do is take over the world (is that so wrong?).  But Phipps takes pleasure in grinding his boots on the faces of the downtrodden.  He gets off on it.  Burning books and kidnapping schoolteachers who are teaching Freaks to be better people aren't steps to some greater plan; they are the plan.  Ends in themselves. 

 

Yeah, that's all too realistic of a motivation.

--snip--

That's also one of the reasons (only one mind you) that I had so much fun writing Gold Side arcs.  The morality of Chimera and Belladonna Vetrano is...flexible.  Chimera's coldness was tricky to do, while still making him driven.  And Belladonna was actually a bit more liberating and fun but equally able to make terrible choices.