A Modest Proposal to the Paragon City Council

[Shinobu]

A Modest Proposal to the Paragon City Council

 

Ladies and gentlemen, friends and members of the city council, I come to you in our city's gravest hour to propose a solution for the plague that endangers our fair land, the most frightening invasion our city has ever witnessed, which threatens to engulf us all.

 

I speak not of the zombie apocalypse, that fetid invasion of endless rotting corpses from the graveyards of the imagination.  For while we are routinely plagued by such outbreaks, our brave and noble heroes are easily up to the task of dealing with these foul-smelling foes.

 

Nor do I speak of the regular incursions of the hateful Rikti, for those fearsome aliens from a distant world are likewise always countered by our valiant heroes and their villain counterparts.  Our friends at Vanguard assure us that they have things in hand on that front.

 

Nor do I speak of the occasional invasion of Lord Nemesis and his armies that plagues our fair city, for that also is in time dealt with by the wealth of heroic individuals that Paragon boasts.  I can say with certainty that Nemesis is the least of our problems.

 

No, I speak of a more sinister invasion which no hero is willing to face.  I speak of the plague which infects our city unannounced, whose agents, in fact, frequently pose as members of our own heroic corps.  I speak, of course, of the multitude of spines/fiery aura brutes which infest our cities as we speak, spreading their message of fire farms and the noise of their powers at work automatically.  The throb of the blazing aura!  The terror of the bursting quills!  Ladies and gentlemen, I ask you, how are we to deal with this madness?

 

My proposal is simple.  I think you will all agree once you've heard the details that it really is the best solution possible:  I propose that we hurl every spines/fiery aura brute into the sun.

 

Now, I can hear you exclaim, ere the words leave my mouth:  what madness is this?  And perhaps I am indeed mad, but as they say, desperate times call for desperate measures.  If we are to survive this madness within which we find ourselves currently mired, then radical solutions must be proposed.

 

The benefits of my proposal would be enormous:  a 100% reduction in the sounds of spine quills bursting and aura flames flaring and at least a 50% reduction in LFG spam.  Now, I hear you saying:  but what of the orphan level 1 heroes who wish to become level 50 as quickly as possible?  Think of the orphan heroes!  Ah, but I tell you this:  There are more flavors of fiery aura brute in heaven and earth, Horatio, Than are dreamt of in your archetype guides and build advice.  People will not want for leveling prowess, just because all of the spines/fiery aura brutes have been launched into the sun.

 

Nor would it be considered cruelty, for these brutes are immune to all levels of flame and in theory could exist comfortably within the environment of the sun.  I also postulate that the sun may well be populated with creatures as yet undiscovered, whom I have chosen to call Sun Denizens.  If this is true, then the sun is in fact the biggest fire farm in existence.  What need have our spines/fiery aura brutes to complain if we send them to the land of unlimited farming?

 

Mind you, the logistics of such an undertaking are not simple.  I estimate there are ten spines/fire brutes for every other super powered citizen of the city, and thus one or two star ships alone would never accomplish the job.  Therefore I propose building a massive energy rail gun sling-shot that can hurl spine/fiery aura brutes into the sun, one at a time.  I have spoken to Dr. Aeon, and he not only assures me that such a device can be built, but is eager to attempt it if given the funds required.  The specifics of the device are included in the printout I've handed you.

 

It is estimated that the process of ridding the city entirely of spines/fiery aura brutes could be done in as little as six years with nonstop use of my sling shot.  The cost will be steep -- Dr. Aeon and I have proposed a budget of two billion dollars -- but I ask you this:  is not the cost of inaction even higher?  Can we really afford to not hurl all spines/fiery aura brutes into the sun?

 

I will let you, the ladies and gentlemen of the city council, be the judge.  Thank you for listening to my proposal.

 

 

[Jon]

Counterproposal: launch the Earth itself into the sun instead to save humanity from the seductive sin of farming.

[Waypoint]

Counter proposal: let people play the game how they want, please.

 

People want to farm and have characters quickly, along with full builds. They are also seeding the market and drastically reducing costs of purchasing components. It is not taking away anybody's ability to start teams with friends or new folks.

 

It is making it slightly harder to sift through some of the LFG channel, sure, but in the long run, there are still people who want to level the old fashioned way.  Those who farm, myself included, want to have a character fully outfitted to play on. I want to be a hero/villain with everything unlocked, steamrolling through enemies.

 

Forcing someone to play the game how you want them to play is really scummy thing to do.

[Zumberge]

This plan is flawed on a fundamental level.  Comparative analysis shows that the sun is the size of an American half-dollar coin when at base minimum the average Spines/Fire Brute is no shorter than three feet.

[AgentEmu]

I fear that these firey spine-bodied breed of hero are necessary in keeping the Council at bay. If it weren't for these men and women, the Council would be doubling-- tripling! -- their criminal activities on Peregrine Island.

[justicebeliever]

Shinobu -

 

Hysterical...I love the tongue-in-cheek post here!  +1 Inf

[OmegaX123]

((I think the lot of you, except the OP/TC and AgentEmu, and maybe Zumberge if I'm reading their post correctly, have forgotten two important things: One, that this is the Roleplaying subforum, and two, that "A Modest Proposal" was satire, Jonathan Swift never intended to legitimately or seriously in any way suggest that the Irish should sell their children as a foodstuff for the rest of the country.))

[SeraphimKensai]

Better to turn all the orphan lvl 1 heroes to stew to feed the growing population of heroes and villains.