Enemy group entrance exam.

[Aeroprism]

Most of us have been here, playing this game forever.  We're so used to seeing the various enemy groups, we know them by heart. 

 

First Hellions and Skulls, then Clockwork and Lost, Family, Warriors, all the way to The Rikti and Praetorian.

Now, I was doing my Nth Striga mission today when I had this funny (and by funny, I mean useless and pointless) idea of "What kind of question would a civilian be asked before being allowed to join this or that enemy group."

 

The questions would of course be based on our own player perception of the enemy group.

I'll start:  

So you want to be a SKY RAIDER

 

• How do you feel about fighting in pajamas with a bicycle seat on your head?
• Are you comfortable with the idea of being a Captain and a Lieutenant AT THE SAME TIME?
• Do you like Jetpacks? 
• Do you feel like "Running in a completely random direction as soon as the fighting starts" is a winning strategy?
• Do you like the idea of being bossed by jumpbots that never actually do any jumping?

 

 

Your turn!

[Player2]

Devouring Earth wants to know:

 

Do you want to be eaten?

Can we eat you?

How much nourishment do you think you can provide for our cause?

You may be chosen for a higher purpose; if so, how do you feel about growing face tentacles?

Are you willing to eat people for the cause?

 

Edited May 23 by Player2

[cranebump]

Hellion:

 

Have you ever actually stolen a purse? If so, leadership over our entire organization is now yours!

Edited May 24 by cranebump

[Forager]

Vahzilok: NNNnnnggghhh?

[WumpusRat]

"Welcome, recruits. The six of you have been specially chosen from several military services around the world to become part of the Malta Group. You were chosen due to your skill, intelligence, and overall competence, and your personal histories as of this moment have been wiped clean. You no longer exist.

 

In front of you is the standard loadout for all Malta recruit members. You have body armor that is capable of withstanding directed energy attacks from superpowered beings, strong enough to stop up to fifty-caliber rounds, and tactical goggles that allow for full-spectrum vision even in the most adverse circumstances. Particularly useful against those superhumans who can bend light around themselves to become invisible.

 

And this is your weapon, the Mark-4 Specialized Ability-Prevention rifle, or SAP. It is one of the key tools Malta uses to neutralize enemy superhumans. The fact that you are being issued these weapons is how much faith we have in you.

 

Drills start at sixteen hundred. Dismissed."

 

*several hours later*

 

"So, how many of the sapper recruits made it back?"

"None. As usual."

"Maybe someday one of them will survive long enough to be promoted to Minion..."

"Hah! Not likely."

[cranebump]

14 hours ago, Player2 said:

Do you want to be eaten?

You'd think this would turn folks away, but...no...:-)

[Player2]

 

[The Trouble]

Hssshssss.  Sss  Shsshss.  Sssss Ssshs Shs!

 

• Hss Shsssss?
• Ssshsssshss  Hssss sss Shssssssss?
• Ssssssshsss ssssshsss sssh?

Sss Shshssssss shssssss  hssss.  Shsssshsss Stheno!

[Frostbiter]

Skulls:

 

"You've made it through initiation so you get to pick your weapon. Axe, sledgehammer, or knife."

 

"Give me a gun!"

 

"Well, ok."

 

"Wait, this thing isn't loaded."

 

"Oh, you can't really shoot capes. Best thing to do is run up and hit them with it."

 

"...."

[Aeroprism]

On 5/23/2024 at 6:01 PM, cranebump said:

Hellion:

 

Have you ever actually stolen a purse? If so, leadership over our entire organization is now yours!

 

I'm glad this topic for a few good responses but I'll admit, this one takes the cake, I choked on my coffee.  A+

[Vic Raiden]

Here's what I got for Nemesis:

1. Are you racist? If so, how much do you show that online?
2. Are you into steampunk?
3. Do you mind wearing a goofy GLORIOUS Prussian-inspired uniform?
4. Are you smart enough to keep track of complex multi-layered gambits AND know how to operate an overly ornate gun?
5. Are you okay with being potentially stuffed into a giant robot forever when you inevitably die for our lord's sake?
6. Can you tell if I'm an automaton?

[BjorJlen]

How about something completely different?

   The Giant Monster... Eochai..!

"Ok Fir Bolg, I only have two questions for you."
"What do you think about how the Great Pumpkin is portrayed in the Movie 'It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown!"
"You think he sucks and could have been represented better?"

 

"Alright then, what do you think about a giant nearly naked fat man who wears chains to make him look bad named Jack?"

"Oh wow, he's a wimp eh?"

"Ok, your in!"

 

"Now here, put this Pumpkin over your head like a helmet."

"Good..."
"Now we set it on fire... Wait, where are you going?"

 

😛

 

[Glacier Peak]

Hilarious thread!

[megaericzero]

You find a worn slab of stone in Grendel's Gulch with etchings intentionally scratched into its surface:

"GOLAPO OOG? Y / N"

 

You get the feeling you should just put it back down...

[High_Beam]

Do you feel like enough isn't being done to recycle scrap metal in Paragon City?

 

Do you want to create new jobs for contractors who repair small engines, HVAC and other mechanical equipment

 

Do you feel art based on arc welding is the greatest form of art ever.

 

Are you comfortable around random electrical discharges.

 

Then the Clockwork Wants You!