Are they here for me?

[Luminara]

I step out of the cabin to go to work Monday morning and see them in the trees.

 

Vultures.  Dozens of vultures.  Trees all around my valley, ten or twelve vultures in each.

 

I've seen vultures plenty of times, and, in fact, I actually think they're pretty damn cool... as anus-munching, bald, creepy looking jerks go.  If it weren't for vultures, we'd all be up to our ears in the stench of death and putrefaction.  They're natures roadkill clean-up crew and they do an awesome goddamn job.

 

But I don't like vultures around the cabin.  Something most people don't realize is that vultures will take live prey.  They snatch fresh lambs and calves, they'll go after chickens... and I have a colony of 50 hanging around the cabin.  These are my friends, and, like most of my friendships have shown, while I may not be very good at fulfilling the role of being a friend, I'm still trying.  There's no documented evidence of vultures attacking or carrying away cats, but I'm not going to take any chances.  So I meander around the valley for a couple of minutes, scaring the vultures away.

 

I leave for work, come home a few hours later, and they're back.  I know I should look for a reason they might be attracted to this spot, other than cats, but finding anything in several acres of heavily wooded area, even in winter, isn't easy unless it's incredibly obvious.  It's almost 3 p.m., I'm two hours late for my afternoon coffee, I'm tired from doing grunt work for the last few hours and I don't want to run a search pattern right then.  A few "G'wan now!"'s and "Getouttaheeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrre..."'s is all I'm really up for, and enough to send them all flapping away.

 

Tuesday, they're back, and landing on my roof.  I'm beginning to grow irritated.  One of my favorite colony cats, Chester (he's a hugger (most cats aren't)), likes to hang out on the roof.  Despite the fact that Chester has reached sexual maturity and is making everything within 100' of the cabin smell like something that came out of a bear's ass, I still have to protect my huggy buddy, so I drive away the winged dicktips again.  Once more, I make no effort to find out if there's something drawing them here.  I'd had a headache since I went to bed Monday night, and when it finally eased off around noon, exhaustion came down on me like a hammer, so my "job" for the rest of the day was to stay awake until bed time (otherwise, i would've been up all night).

 

Today, I come home, see the vultures again, and I suddenly had the moment of existential confusion serving as the title of this thread.  Now, I'm pragmatic, I'm rational, I'm analytic... but I also lean toward animism, so there's a side of me that responds to odd natural occurrences with a less than scientific mindset.  I know that vultures typically home in on carcasses, not cats and certainly not people, but I haven't smelled or seen any dead animals... and before I could take a closer look around the valley to see if there was something, my lizard brain, out of the blue, suddenly suggests I was already dead and this was my mind's way of letting me in on the secret.

 

My flight-or-fight response instantly kicked in, and, predictably, defaulted to fight.  Just, *boom*, "RRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHSMASHSMASHSMASH!"

 

Remember, I've also scolded squirrels, lectured possums, argued with trees, and yesterday, I yelled at the wind (it was being an asshole).  I love nature, but sometimes, it pisses me off and the less sane part of me takes over.  So when that vestigial caveperson element of my thinking mind told me that Death was a-comin', I was ready to kick its ass.  Nothing is going to take me away from this little piece of paradise I've made for myself until I'm damn well ready to leave, and today isn't that day.

 

I took one step forward... and all of the vultures flew away.

 

A couple of minutes later, I saw what was left of a dead possum down by the stream.  Big one, too.  Had to have been at least three years old.  I tossed the remains further into the woods and ignored the vultures after that.

 

I'm still not sure if I'm relieved or disappointed.  I didn't have to beat the ever-loving shit out of several dozen large birds who'd come to carry off my soul, but I also didn't get to beat the ever-loving shit out of several dozen large birds who'd come to carry of my soul.

 

[WanderingAries]

[Techwright]

Did a very quick search on deterrents for vultures.  Short of finding the carcass that attracted them (as you explained that you did), I rather like the suggestions of hanging wind chimes and/or reflective tape, both of which disrupt their senses and make them uncomfortable.  The question is whether you or your desired animals would also be uncomfortable.  Use of naphthelene flakes (mothball material) sounds almost as interesting, but would require repeated applications, and personally, I'd not want both house and yard to constantly smell like mothballs.

 

Not mentioned in my reading, but a few options I'd personally find interesting:

• firing a shotgun (presumably using blanks) into the air:  uncomfortable for avians, and therapeutic for me.  Probably traumatizing for cats and cattle, although I expect they'll get used to it after a few hundred times.
• Attaching a loudspeaker to the roof, cranking up the volume, and playing the best bagpipe music album you can find, classical or modern.  This should have the desired flight effect, and can be both stirring and soothing if one is a human with at least a drop of Celtic blood in them, or is a highland cow.  Note that it might stir cats into fighting mode, so you may wish to secure felines in advance.   I can personally attest to this tactic's power.  My old college pal and I used to cruise the city in his F-150 truck with the tricked out sound system hunting drivers who'd decided that their own car systems should be enjoyed by everyone 5 blocks away from the traffic light where they'd paused.  So many sweet memories of looks of disgust as those mobile sound systems were disrupted and trumped by my cassette of "The Best of the Scottish Highlands" blasted from his marvelous speakers.  We managed to quickly clear several streets of noise pollution on any Friday night venture.  Vultures should be easy by comparison.

[Jacke]

Birds can be big.  But they are usually light so they can easily fly.  And besides their claws and beaks, they aren't tough.  And they know if they get injured, they ain't flying and that's a death sentence to them.

 

So we can usually scare away big birds.

 

Also, @Luminara, I know you're a different person.  But without @Snarky posting any more, I look to you for those interesting posts.  Like this one.  😺

 

 

Edited February 6 by Jacke

[Healix]

[Luminara]

19 hours ago, Techwright said:

Did a very quick search on deterrents for vultures.

 

Yeah... that... wasn't the point.  I'm not trying to re-enact the colonization of the North America.  My primitive brain just took over for a minute and I had no witnesses to how foolish it made me look, so I decided to publicize it here.

 

And while I appreciate the effort, I don't think a glam rock concert and noxious substances would have been of any benefit if they had been here as portents of my demise.

[Luminara]

16 hours ago, Healix said:

 

Exactly!

[TheOtherTed]

Back when I lived in a college town, I had neighbors who would blast their music as loud as they could while taking their morning shower.  Knocking on the door didn't work.  Pounding on the wall didn't work.  Leaving notes didn't work.  So, though I hated to do it, I brought out the big guns, the show stoppers.  Yep, you guessed it, I placed the speakers of my deceptively innocuous looking stereo against he wall, cranked up the bass to brain-shattering levels, and let the boys from Primus do what they could with "My Name is Mud."

 

The neighbors got the point after about a minute and twenty.  What's more, the second time I did it was the last time I had to do it.  Never heard a peep from after that.

 

I'd be interested in finding out if it works for buzzards too.  You know, for science.

[lemming]

3 hours ago, TheOtherTed said:

I placed the speakers of my deceptively innocuous looking stereo

Did that in college once, but all I did was put on the same album on my turntable and played it slightly off their spot.

[ThaOGDreamWeaver]

On 2/6/2025 at 3:46 AM, Techwright said:

playing the best bagpipe music album you can find

I’m Scottish, and even I’d say that

(a) “best” is relative

and

(b) this is against the Geneva Convention.

 

(There’s an old hack’s tale that British forces leaked a story to Argentinian papers about “sonic death weapons” in 1982, just before the Falklands landings…)

[Healix]

[TheOtherTed]

7 hours ago, lemming said:

Did that in college once, but all I did was put on the same album on my turntable and played it slightly off their spot.

Ugh - where's the "ow, my ears!" emoji?

[Skyhawke]

This sounds like a weird version of the Crow. Sadly, "The Vulture" is already taken. 

[Luminara]

5 hours ago, Skyhawke said:

This sounds like a weird version of the Crow.

 

Eric Draven - avenges the murders of his fiancé and himself

Luminara - poops on peoples' heads and stands next to busy roads, yelling "COME AT ME, BRO!" to all of the oncoming cars

[Skyhawke]

1 hour ago, Luminara said:

 

Eric Draven - avenges the murders of his fiancé and himself

Luminara - poops on peoples' heads and stands next to busy roads, yelling "COME AT ME, BRO!" to all of the oncoming cars

 

I'd watch it. 

[Luminara]

9 minutes ago, Skyhawke said:

I'd watch it. 

 

I lived in Florida for five years, so there's a chance I'd do it.

[Healix]

9 hours ago, Luminara said:

 

I lived in Florida for five years, so there's a chance I'd do it.

[Luminara]

8 hours ago, Healix said: