An open letter to the Paragon City office architect

[Lunchmoney]

Dear Sir/Madam,

 

Were you drunk or high when you designed the office?

I assume you had a city wide contract for office blocks & municipal buildings and applied the one size doesn't fit all template, signed off early and went back to the pub.

I congratulate you on a scam well done.

 

Yours faithfully,

all heroes trying to find the lift or that one last room with an NPC hiding in it.

 

Edited June 20, 2020 by Lunchmoney

[justicebeliever]

Good laugh!  +1 Inf

[Myopic_Aardvark]

Ha ha ha

 

My wife makes that comment every time we run down a corridor that goes nowhere.

 

In game too!  :)

[Mjolnerd]

Imagine being the guy who delivers the water there.

 

"Okay, I've got a pen, I'm ready to write down the directions. Alright, so I go in, then left, up the stairs, down the hall, to the elevator... which only goes up one floor? Wait, is that right? It is? Okay, sure, whatever. Then I cross the lobby, up two more flights of stairs, through someone's office, and down another hall, to another elevator that also only goes up one floor. Hold on, do all of the elevators in this building only go a single floor at a time? And none of them are located anywhere near each other? And you need a dozen ten-gallon bottles delivered to which floor? The thirty-fifth, you say? Yeah, that's not happening. Have a nice day."

[jubakumbi]

OSHA has left the building...

 

Who am I kidding?

OSHA was never here...

[Mantidae]

That architect is the most subtle and fiendish villain of all. Who knows how much psychological damage residents have suffered due to those nonsensical layouts? 

[Shinobu]

Bergholt Stuttley (‘Bloody Stupid’) Johnson was Ankh-Morpork’s most famous, or rather most notorious, inventor. He was renowned for never letting his number-blindness, his lack of any skill whatsoever or his complete failure to grasp the essence of a problem stand in the way of his cheerful progress as the first Counter-Renaissance man.

Terry Pratchett, Maskerade

 

Possibly a distance ancestor of the above?  ^_^

[Misguidance]

Sometimes I find myself in that one, lone office down a flight of stairs in a corner, looking at a desk and wondering what horrible social faux pas a person has to commit to end up working in this little corner of hell.

[Garble]

The whole damn city is Non-ADA compliant.

 

Seriously. Pretend you're in a wheelchair and try going anywhere.

[Killerhertz]

Sometimes I find myself in that one, lone office down a flight of stairs in a corner, looking at a desk and wondering what horrible social faux pas a person has to commit to end up working in this little corner of hell.

 

[Sable Phoenix]

"Yeeeaaaahhh, I'm gonna need those TPS reports on my desk by the end of the day alright?  That'd be greeeat."

[jkwak]

i bet most of the people working there end up as Villain.

[_NOPE_]

I <3 this thread.

[Robotech_Master]

I remember on the old RP Congress site, I posited a secret conspiracy of the elevator repairman's union to explain how even decrepit ruined skyscrapers in Boomtown or rusty abandoned bases or laboratories nonetheless had working elevators. Even Lord Recluse knew better than to mess with them.

[Lunchmoney]

More love needed here....

[Lazarillo]

I'd always assumed most of the buildings in Paragon were designed by Ivo Shandor.

[merrypessimist]

29 minutes ago, Lazarillo said:

I'd always assumed most of the buildings in Paragon were designed by Ivo Shandor.

 

On a bad day when he was hung over and had a fever.

[justicebeliever]

"So what? I guess they just don't make them like they used to."

 

"No! Nobody *ever* made them like this! I mean, the architect was either a certified genius, or an authentic wacko!"

Edited June 17, 2020 by justicebeliever

[Peacemoon]

It occurred to me far later than it  probably should have that I should just be able to click ‘top floor’ at the first elevator I come to...

[Frostbiter]

18 minutes ago, Peacemoon said:

It occurred to me far later than it  probably should have that I should just be able to click ‘top floor’ at the first elevator I come to...

It's all the same elevator, it's just corkscrewed throughout all of space-time. 

[Richard Nelson]

They were all made by Frank Gehry.

[Patti]

I just figured the bad guys hacked the elevators forcing the heroes through a gauntlet.

[Sakura Tenshi]

You know, while I was playing live I had this idea, not necessarily one for the future of the game (not even sure it's possible) but something for maybe some future MMO that might find itself using logically multi-leveled facilities for instances.

 

Basic idea would be that elevators give a floor list and you can pick any floor to ascend (or descend) to, but once you use the elevator, it's locked down until you beat all enemy spawns on the floor (or maybe even a key one, depending on the mission I guess). But if you really are in a rush, most all instances would include alternate means to scale the levels depending on how many there are. There'd be firestairs, air vents, utility elevators, etc. as possible alternative ways to get around, but like the elevator, if you're not on the floor you want then that method gets 'locked down by the enemy', requiring you to clear the floor to free it back up again. Could also give some maps an inherent bonus objective of like accessing a security room or something to keep the means of egress through the building free.

 

From there, challenge could still be had by not necessarily playing the objectives on the top floor, or just having certain levels be locked on starting the mission.

 

This still doesn't solve all the insanity of office buildings though, given the sheer chaos of their design.

[Patti]

Matrix online?

[MTeague]

On 5/28/2019 at 3:39 PM, jubakumbi said:

OSHA has left the building...

 

Who am I kidding?

OSHA was never here...

OSHA was there.  They're tied up in a straight jacket, still in convulsions, still screaming "It doesn't make sense!  Why doesn't it make sense!!!"

Edited June 17, 2020 by MTeague