Nerfs getting out of hand (humor)

[MHertz]

I know people are upset about the changes to their favorite toys, so let’s make up silly hypothetical nerfs to be upset about instead.

• I started a new character, and I had to begin at level –15.
• I tried to use my flight power but I was bumped by the airline because someone else was using Flight before me.
• The Walk power now has a supplementary travel power called Uphill In The Snow, Both Ways.
• Water Blast now has to cut back water usage by 40% due to drought conditions.
• I tried to make a Stalker … and it let me.
• If you take the train anywhere, they make you get out and push.

 

[Snarky]

Farmer, you thought you found the answer
On that magic carpet ride last night
But when you wake up in the mornin'
The world still gets you uptight

 

Well, there's nothin' that you ain't tried
To fill the emptiness inside
But when you come back down, farmer
Still ain't feelin' right

 

And don't it seem like
Expee just keep gettin' harder to find
And all your tricks ain't bringin' you peace of mind
Before you find out it's too late, farmer

You better get straight

No, but not with expees
You just need help, farmer

Well you think you're gonna find yourself

A little piece of paradise
But it ain't happened yet
So farmerl, you better think twice

Don't you see, no matter what you do

You'll never run away from you
And if you keep on runnin'
You'll have to pay the price

And don't it seem like

Expee just keep gettin' harder to find
And all your tricks ain't bringin' you peace of mind
Before you find out it's too late, farmer
You better get straight

 

No, you don't need tricks
To help you face the world each day
That road goes nowhere
I'm gonna help you find yourself another way

 

Expee just keep gettin' harder to find
And all your tricks ain't bringin' you peace of mind
Before you find out it's too late, farmer
You better get straight

 

And don't it seem like
Expee just keep gettin' harder to find
And all your tricks ain't bringin' you peace of mind
Before you find out it's too late, farmer
You better get straight

[Lines]

Between levels 13 to 18, Dark/Dark characters will now go through a 'phase'. They'll grow out of it, you think.

 

Water blast will now correctly apply a hold and a DoT when attacks collide with players using Electric Armour.

 

Broadswords will now talk to you. Don't listen to it.

 

Changes to Stalkers' Hide conditions: players must now be either inside foliage, behind a comically narrow tree, reading a newspaper with eye holes cut out or pretending to be a display at a museum.

 

Blaster T9 powers will now damage teammates and environments. Players will be fined to cover damages.

 

Added mandatory photo opportunity after each mission complete. The photographer will be arriving shortly.

Edited October 22, 2022 by Lines

[Yaliw]

Arachnos soldiers have to use the online portal to log their hours or else they will be reprimanded and possibly have pay deductions. If you have any questions please speak to Black Scorpion in HR

[TwoDee]

28 minutes ago, Lines said:

Between levels 13 to 18, Dark/Dark characters will now go through a 'phase'. They'll grow out of it, you think.

 

Starting page 6, we'll be instituting a formal program of exporting three-quarters of the roleplay spoilsports from Everlasting who lecture you about how "actually, there's no such thing as a fully nonlethal weapon so you're totally a murderer."

 

This way, all four shards can achieve equity, with every AR/, DP/, Katana/, Broadsword/, War Mace/, and Fire/ user on Homecoming receiving equal treatment of buzzkill parade-raining.

[DrunkFlux]

To receive training for new powers, you must pay the trainer 1 million influence for every new power, and an additional 4 million influence for every enhancement slot, additionally demand will effect prices, so more players training will increase training costs exponentially.

Influence drops will be reduced to a very low minimum and will never increase per enemy levels you fight at 100 influence for bosses, 50 for lieutenants and 5 for minions.  This will NEVER be adjusted for training inflation.

Requests for a raise in influence gains will result in permanent suspension of hero and villain licensing and remove all influence from defeating mobs, PPD/Rogue Isles police will attempt to arrest you if you attempt to fight anything.

Attempts to organize for influence increases will be met with wealthy highly slotted heroes and villains to destroy you in pvp and perma account bans.

 

Edited October 22, 2022 by DrunkFlux

[DrunkFlux]

For missions you must first get a piece of paper that is a search warrent, to talk to the judge to get that warrent however you must fill out forms R 0451, RX8, filed your taxes, signed up badgames.-52gov, play Champions Online to level 40 and run QZone 40 times, Run through all missions of superman 64, make sure you have proof you have played through champions online and superman 64.

 

The warrent must include plausible reason for search warrent and you need extra forms T10 and RX7, which are the same forms as R0451 and RX8. 

[Bopper]

They nerfed my NERF Football, and now I have this!!?! I don't even recognize it.

 

 

[DrunkFlux]

To complete a mission, you need to swipe a card, it has to be swiped at a very, very precise speed.  Also a villain could assassinate you at any time during the process making you start over.  If you are assassinated, the mission mobs respawn, but all influence and experience gained from defeating them is completely removed.

 

(Edit:  Could maybe condense this and my two other posts since they are super close together, if a GM sees this anyways, considering how close in time I made these).

Edited October 22, 2022 by DrunkFlux
I should let more jokes come in before posting more

[Nuc]

Enhancement and salvage drops will no longer be placed directly into player inventories but will instead be deposited in a secure* location for later retrieval. Hero items will be deposited in the M.A.G.I. vault under the ever-watchful eyes of Azuria while Villain's ill-gotten gains may be found in the safe at the Chum Bucket in Sharkhead Isle.

 

*authorities accept no responsibility should said items have mysteriously found their way into the pockets of a wandering level 1 Hellion/Skul/CoT/Mook in the meantime

[MHertz]

Architect Entertainment has been purchased by the cable company. XP from AE missions will be delivered to your supergroup base within a four-hour window. You must be present to receive XP.

[Lines]

The homecoming team would like to welcome a new member to the development team. Welcome aboard, Jack!

[Glacier Peak]

[Neiska]

Page 6 -

-Will include a timer that if you don't complete a weekly mandatory ITF you will be banned for 72 hours. Excessive times getting banned will result in a permaban.

- Powersets that are popular will be nerfed. Not because they are too strong, just too popular.

-ATs rarely played will be nerfed. Not because they are too strong, only because so few people play them what's the point in having them.

[Hyperstrike]

[America's Angel]

You folks are doing it wrong. Nerfs never exist in isolation. They have to be multiple.

 

So, if the only thing wrong with an AoE attack was that it did too much damage, then you'd do one of the following.

• Reduce the damage AND the radius.
• Reduce the damage AND increase the recharge.

It's never just one thing.

 

So, with that said...

Page 6

• Procs now fire less frequently, and for less damage.
• Achilles' Heel and Fury of the Gladiator have been changed to PPM of 1.5 and 7.5% -res value
• Annihilation has been changed to PPM of 1.5 and 5% -res value.
• Gaussian now gives a 50% damage buff and is now 0.33PPM
• Forced Feedback now gives 20% recharge buff and is 0.25PPM
• All epic attacks have a larger internal recharge value that they use to decrease their proc rate. Also their endurance cost has been increased across the board.
• Ground Zero has had its target cap reduced to 10 (16 on tankers) and now has a larger recharge.
• Spin has had its radius reduced, and recharge increased. (No change to proc rate.)
• The meteor farm map has had its spawn number reduced in size AND has been flagged to award 25% XP.

 

 

[Doomguide2005]

19 minutes ago, Hyperstrike said:

I don't know, that looks an awful lot like an upcoming buff (quiet doubters) to Assault Rifle ... or was that /Mercs

[twozerofoxtrot]

Vanguard Merits have transitioned from a semilegal fiat currency to full cryptocurrency.

 

You will now need significant computing power to complete a ledger transaction when turning them in for rewards.

[Glacier Peak]

44 minutes ago, America's Angel said:

You folks are doing it wrong. Nerfs never exist in isolation. They have to be multiple.

 

So, if the only thing wrong with an AoE attack was that it did too much damage, then you'd do one of the following.

• Reduce the damage AND the radius.
• Reduce the damage AND increase the recharge.

It's never just one thing.

 

So, with that said...

Page 6

• Procs now fire less frequently, and for less damage.
• Achilles' Heel and Fury of the Gladiator have been changed to PPM of 1.5 and 7.5% -res value
• Annihilation has been changed to PPM of 1.5 and 5% -res value.
• Gaussian now gives a 50% damage buff and is now 0.33PPM
• Forced Feedback now gives 20% recharge buff and is 0.25PPM
• All epic attacks have a larger internal recharge value that they use to decrease their proc rate. Also their endurance cost has been increased across the board.
• Ground Zero has had its target cap reduced to 10 (16 on tankers) and now has a larger recharge.
• Spin has had its radius reduced, and recharge increased. (No change to proc rate.)
• The meteor farm map has had its spawn number reduced in size AND has been flagged to award 25% XP.

[Clave Dark 5]

All gun-based attack sets will lose an attack (a good one, too) to be replaced with the "Reload" power that you have to click to reload ammo into your weapon.  This power roots you and has a seven second animation.  If you don't click this power, all your attacks grey-out after a dozen uses, cumulative.

[MistressOhm]

Roleplayers will now accumulate a new leveling mechanic called "tenure" but only when talking around a watercooler, discussing fellow teammates and/or debriefs of missions recently run.  Characters with higher tenure will assign missions and mission roles to those with less tenure.

 

Being noticed by a Dev may give you a tenure boost... but it also may result in a complete loss of tenure, in which case the character's INF is refunded, all salvage sold off, and the character's base foreclosed upon.  

 

Watercooler "ERP" is right out, as it results in HR and Lawyers getting involved, and a likely loss of tenure will result.

[MHertz]

• The letter E (for "emergency") has been assigned as an automatic hotkey to fire off all your longest-recharging powers. This now means you can no longer type the letter E for any reason without setting off powers. You will have to adjust your in-game chat accordingly. Characters with the letter E in their names will have to be renamed so they can be invited to teams.
• Farm missions will now be given subsidies by the local government. The mission owners will be paid in order to keep them in business, but 90% of the generated XP will be thrown away or fed to pigs.
• 40% of all Longbow officers, city police, and police drones in Paragon City will now take 20-minute vape breaks at random times, but they will be paid the same as the other police.
• Because Hamidon raids generate so much lag, the new artwork for all Hamidon-related mobs will consist of a spinning GIF of a ham sandwich.
• In order to make the Mercenaries set more efficient, mercs will now stab each other to death after summoning to save time.

Edited October 23, 2022 by MHertz

[Infinitum]

4 hours ago, Hyperstrike said:

 

Hah. This is my actual nerf wall.

 

[Infinitum]

After scaling down from this.

[Hyperstrike]

36 minutes ago, Infinitum said:

After scaling down from this.

Pfft.  My nephew's armory could spank yours about a dozen times over with less than half the stuff he owns...

Yeah, he's kinda spoiled....