Passive Aggressive Behavior

[Qinelenlea]

Earlier this evening I joined a small group doing ToT's (Trick or Treat Event) where the group lacking in size it had some robust characters.  We were able to do a mess of multiple mobs and everyone was having fun.  But alas, the robust characters had to follow the path of RL and get food sleep etc making the group smaller and less robust.  So the group (3 people) decided to pull singles to be able to survive the bosses coming out of the doors, as the mummies etc were overpowering the group and causing a lot of people having to go to the hospital....

 

All was good until a player was invited to join the group and try to build for a more stronger one.  Out of the box the player decided to pull mobs while the three were pulling and did not bother to at least see what was going on, Then he pulled this new boss mob to an already existing boss mob the group was already battling, causing the two existing mele to go to the hospital and the healer to retreat.  Comments were made in "Not cool to pull mobs from behind to overwhelm the group."

 

Rather than just saying "My bad" or apologizing and moving on......the individual decided to get into an argument with the group and even using slurs saying "group members with no brains."  Then tried to go to the defensive and say "I'm ok with it" yet bringing up comments made earlier by the group on his behavior.

 

Overall there are a lot of awesome peeps in CoH and they will bend over backwards to help others even when in teams to help each other succeed to greater than expectations.  If members of the group offer constructive criticism it is not to bust people's chops or to cause a war with someone's playstyle.  It is simply the way the group is operating and what the group prefers.  If you do not like the way the group is playing...move on to a group you like.  Hanging around and starting a drama only ends up in group tension and ill feelings that really did not need to be exhibited.  If the group is a fast paced group and wants to plow through mobs at a lightning pace......so be it and have at it for all those that want to.  If the group doesn't wish to do that kind of play....respect their wishes and either adapt or move on.

 

 

Remember....the game is a game and only a game but the awesome players and their awesome attitudes make it a really awesome game to play  

Edited October 2 by Qinelenlea
Corrections in grammar

[biostem]

There will always be poopie-heads, especially in an online/semi-anonymous environment.  All you can do is try to mitigate or distance yourself from such people.  I've had little luck getting such people to change their ways.  If you are the team leader, you can try to put your foot down that they fall in line or get the boot, but barring that, you can put up with their shenanigans or go elsewhere.  Of course, if their behavior is way out of line, you can always report them...

[Qinelenlea]

Understood and agreed.  There are channels to deal with those with hard heads and harder to learn.  But my hope is to help those that may learn to become better players and avoid the need to use the channels that turn the raw and unlearned player into the disgruntled player willing to cause drama any chance they get. 

 

We have a LOT of new players joining daily and we need to show them how great the game is and how awesome the people are

Edited October 2 by Qinelenlea
Correction

[Lunar Ronin]

The Halloween event tends to bring out a lot of strange behavior.

 

Three years ago, I somehow got the star on a Trick-or-Treat league team, (not the league, just a team in the league).  The league leader asked the team leaders to invite people to their respective teams when people broadcast that they're looking for an invite.  I routinely did so whenever a spot opened up on my team.  Other than that, the league leader and I didn't communicate with each other at all, which was fine.  However, about a hour in, the league leader suddenly moved everyone on my team to various other teams on the league, leaving me alone on the team.  About a minute later, the league leader sent me a tell, accusing me of slacking in inviting people to my team, and threatened to remove me from the league if I didn't start participating and invite others to the team.  What the heck?  I just politely left, and went to a different zone to Trick-or-Treat on my own.

 

I learned later from some others that the person started randomly kicking people from the league, and had a bit of a power trip from running a Trick-or-Treat league. 

[biostem]

26 minutes ago, Qinelenlea said:

my hope is to help those that may learn to become better players

Not to sound cynical, but those that genuinely want to learn and improve don't generally exhibit the kind of behavior you described, and even if they did, they're likely quick to apologize and correct themselves...

[Andreah]

The league leader position itself can wear you out. There's a lot of effort to doing a really good job of it, and a lot of people who're more than happy to complain.

[gamingglen]

"passive-aggressive" : an expression used way too often and often times wrong. I'll be glad when snobs people stop using it to feel morally superior. 

 

He was not "P-A", just a "poopie-head" as someone else had said.

Edited October 2 by gamingglen

[lemming]

Yea, that wasn't PA, that was being a jerk.

 

Running a ToT league is a lot of work, especially if you have GM hunts and the Apocolypse to run as well.   Though it is good practice to figure out the whackjob league management system.

 

I tend to run leagues during this off and on though usually after I've run my share of grabbing badges.

[Ridiculous Girl]

the ignore button is your friend! 😁

[Without_Pause]

If I was the lead, that's an instant kick.

[Digirium]

Random PUG should expect random behavior.

[Snarky]

I always ask for easy cheesey.  I am known for it. Now i play with folks who do crazy stuff and build/play to keep up with them.  But when i run teams?  +0. And screw peeps who make it harder on the team.  Especially with no notice and for no benefit 

[JasperStone]

Leaders need a popup menu power that lets them boot someone from the team

 

[Qinelenlea]

Individuals running leagues are of a rare breed when they can keep it all together and keep the majority happy with knowledge and attention to detail.  Not a lot of people can do this as yes some people get drunk on power and some cannot keep it together under pressure.  Huge respect for those individuals and hopes many successful runs for those who take the reigns and make it happen  👍

 

As for team leaders doing pugs etc in LFG to keep the masses happy with opportunity, huge respect for your efforts, as this also can be a chore.  I've ran a few myself and have enjoyed many a good run with some great team members able to do what is necessary with attention to detail and keep a positive attitude   🙃

[cranebump]

7 hours ago, lemming said:

Yea, that wasn't PA, that was being a jerk.

Beat me to it. 🙂

[Nightmare Shaman]

I just want to point out - that is not passive aggressive behavior.  That is aggressive behavior.  

Passive aggressive is someone saying they'll show up at 8am, then being late every single day.  Then, saying "oh, I'm sorry, I'll be there on time tomorrow," then showing up late again.  Then telling you "I'll be there early at your party to help out", then coming late and not bringing the desert.  Not responding to texts.  Not keeping promises.  Offering to help, then not answering the phone when they were supposed to be at your house, etc.  

[Erratic1]

9 hours ago, Qinelenlea said:

Rather than just saying "My bad" or apologizing and moving on......the individual decided to get into an argument with the group and even using slurs saying "group members with no brains." 

 

Does not sound passive in the least. Just aggressive.

[Skyhawke]

Yeah, definitely full on aggressive.  No passive there. Sadly, as others have said, these big events can bring out the worst in folks. On the plus side, your story inspired this to hit my warped mind:

[Seed22]

25 minutes ago, Nightmare Shaman said:

I just want to point out - that is not passive aggressive behavior.  That is aggressive behavior.  

Passive aggressive is someone saying they'll show up at 8am, then being late every single day.  Then, saying "oh, I'm sorry, I'll be there on time tomorrow," then showing up late again.  Then telling you "I'll be there early at your party to help out", then coming late and not bringing the desert.  Not responding to texts.  Not keeping promises.  Offering to help, then not answering the phone when they were supposed to be at your house, etc.  

That still isn’t passive aggressive 🙃 thats just someone being untrustworthy. 
 

Passive aggressive is expressing negative emotions indirectly. An example would be if someone offended you in some way, and instead of confronting them directly, you went, “Well, SOME people can’t be expected to act with courtesy. It’s my fault for assuming manners are taught at an early age.” With them within ear shot after the incident to another person. 
 

It’s indirect, but you both know that was directed at the offending party. 
 

[Owl Girl]

tbf to OP, the "i'm fine with it" part is classic P.A.

 

possible that they became defensive due to past bad experiences with other players criticizing their skill level or play style. i try to give people a few shots before i start rating 'em as 1 star.

[GM Crumpet]

11 hours ago, Seed22 said:

That still isn’t passive aggressive 🙃 thats just someone being untrustworthy. 
 

Passive aggressive is expressing negative emotions indirectly. An example would be if someone offended you in some way, and instead of confronting them directly, you went, “Well, SOME people can’t be expected to act with courtesy. It’s my fault for assuming manners are taught at an early age.” With them within ear shot after the incident to another person. 
 

It’s indirect, but you both know that was directed at the offending party. 
 

I do it a lot when someone is a jerk to my dogs. "Did the nasty man say bad things to you? That's because he's a fuckwit and will die alone"........ "I'm talking to my dog, do you mind?"

[Ukase]

On 10/1/2024 at 10:28 PM, Andreah said:

The league leader position itself can wear you out. There's a lot of effort to doing a really good job of it, and a lot of people who're more than happy to complain.

Yeah, this is a tough role - mainly because it's hard to tell who's 50 and who's not. 

When team 5 needs a 50, because whomever was the team lead for team 5 bails without warning, it can be a challenge to figure out who's 50 if you aren't familiar with the many people on the league. And since ToT is kind of a PL-centric activity, most of the names are fairly new to me. 

Add to that when someone wants to do Banners, and you've already done Banners, and recognize there's more than one way to do them, and you really don't want to do them because you just need 4 more costumes and an arisen mummy to finish with a given character...yeah, all kinds of people who want to do what they want to do, including change the location of where the league is doing ToT. 

These events are really best run by people who are well-connected with in-game friends who are aligned in goals and have incan slotted. Not saying others can't run them, but when you have a couple of folks hunting for GMs, and multiple people with incan that stay by the doors you're ToTing at while everyone else grabs the merits and incan's back, things go super smoothly. 

[Andreah]

14 minutes ago, Ukase said:

When team 5 needs a 50, because whomever was the team lead for team 5 bails without warning, it can be a challenge to figure out who's 50 if you aren't familiar with the many people on the league. 

Not only that, but unless your league has the space for you, the league leader, to empty a team out to force a 50 into he team lead position and then refill it, the whole thing collapses when a lowbie gets into the top spot instead of the fifty and it turns out they're afk or playing with chat windows off.  That's when a league leader has to consider using the boot.

[Laucianna]

As a few people have mentioned here there will always be butt heads in an online space, thankfully this game has a very small amount and team/league leads have the power to kick anyone causing issues 💛 Never feel bad for using the tools given to you when leading as that person will either go join another team or realise they might have to play as part of a team when involved in team content 😄

[Gobbledigook]

Seems like he thought he was helping with pulling more and assessed it wrongly. Perhaps a quick explanation of what was required would have been more productive than condemnation.

 

Tolerance is needed as mistakes/confusion can happen. If it persists then remove them from the team. 

 

I have teamed with players who are quick to reply to posts like this and found them to be just as bad or worse.

 

__________________

Comments were made in "Not cool to pull mobs from behind to overwhelm the group."

_____________________

 

This also makes me wonder what other "comments" were made.

Edited October 3 by Gobbledigook