CoH Community Ghosting

[_NOPE_]

No, this isn't about stealthing through a door mission to the end to get the glowie or beat the big bad and their minions - this is about seemingly ignoring people when they attempt to communicate with you. For some reason, in the modern CoH Community, I've had many, MANY people "ghost" me. On forums, on Discord, via e-mail, via FB Messenger. I send messages, trying to move conversations along... and I get nothing. Silence. Dead air. For days, even weeks, even after I send one or more follow-up messages. Has anyone else experienced this with the CoH Community? Or is it just me? It's not just within one subset of the CoH community either, it seems pervasive in multiple sub-communities.

 

I realize that this is a game, it's a hobby, and people have real lives that surely are more important than pretendy fun time games. But, I at least, make it a personal policy to try to respond to everyone that directly contacts me within 24/48 hours out of courtesy, either with a valid response, or just saying something like "I'll have to get back to you later on that". Because I realize that people on the other end are just that, people, and deserve the respect of at the very least being acknowledged. But it seems that many others in the CoH community don't seem to follow the same policy. Is this ubiquitous? As a highly functional autistic, I wonder if this is perhaps some sort of standard neurotypical behavior?

 

Or is it just me? Does my internet breath stink? Wondering what all of your experiences are, to see if I'm all alone in this or not.

[Prototech]

Hasn't happened to me but I'm not that 'deep' in the community.

[Herotu]

I think the OP was hoping that nobody would reply and thus prove the point, but maybe that's just my love of irony showing.

[Healix]

Philotic Knight? Who's that?  LOLOLOL, just kidding, dear PK.

Sometimes I suffer from 'yellow fever' (as we called it on live) when I am bombarded with tells from a bunch of people, and I might not answer right away...or miss it all together. I apologize and explain the reason for the delay, but I'd never ghost anyone.

 

 

 

[_NOPE_]

I think the OP was hoping that nobody would reply and thus prove the point, but maybe that's just my love of irony showing.

 

It's getting there! 66 views and only three replies! That's a TERRIBLE ratio! But all joking aside, this specific post can't be used as an example because I'm not contacting anyone SPECIFICALLY. I'm talking about when you personally message someone... and they seem to ignore you. To me, it feels EXTREMELY disrespectful, almost hurtful. But maybe I take my internet relationships and protocol too seriously...

[Shazzie]

I've had a few people not reply to me, but often I'm sending tells that don't necessarily REQUIRE a reply, because I'm complimenting their costume or something, but they're already speeding away for whatever reason before I've ever completed my message. I HAVE had some excellent conversations about that exact kind of thing, however, at CCs, where I check out everyone around me and also check to see if they've written a bio (I have seen some FANTASTIC ones, too). The ones that don't reply, well, that's fine for me, I just hope they actually got a chance to read the message and they got a smile out of my appreciation. I've always responded to messages, even if it was a "Sorry, can't right now" to someone asking if I wanted to join a group, because I'd just feel too guilty to not reply. I mean, I suppose I COULD have missed a message because I'd gone AFK and it had scrolled off my screen before I got back, but I've never intentionally not replied. I'm with you on that, PK.

[Murcielago]

Can't say that I've had it happen to me.

[DSorrow]

I'm sure I'm guilty of this even if it's not intentional. In-game I don't always have my chat tabs open if I'm soloing as I'm monitoring combat attributes, and sometimes I just get swarmed with a million messages when I'm starting up a TF. I barely check Discord private messages so usually by the time I see them, they're at least a couple of days old and depending on the topic it might be pretty awkward to reply at that point. If someone doesn't respond to my tells, I usually just assume they missed it or they're busy or AFK.

[mousestalker]

A partial answer may be this: If I am doing a rikti mothership ship I tend to be busy and the more laid back members of the league can be very chatty. So between me not paying much attention to the chat box and a lot of chat spam being tossed about, I typically miss any tells.

 

Your friends may just be busy at the moment.

[TheOtherTed]

Might be a sign of the times.  A co-worker and I both noticed independently that people (often younger folks, but not exclusively) just flat out ignored common casual greetings at work, or, at best (or worst), would meet them with a silent and expressionless stare.  When I first noticed it, I was a bit self-conscious about it, but the co-worker in question is much more sociable and charismatic than I, and asked me about it without prompting (I had somehow become his go-to guy for explaining introvert behavior).

 

I have no idea what the demographics of current CoH or internet denizens are these days, but maybe it's a general trend?

 

That said, I tend to ignore recruiting tells in game, or tells that lack information (e.g., a simple "Hey" with nothing else).  I don't mean to be rude in the latter case; there's just not a lot to respond to.  If there's a follow-up, I'll generally answer.

[Solarverse]

I'm not very good at ghosting. I get this irresistible urge to respond!  :D

[Tankshock]

Personally, I'm wounded that I wasn't messaged so that I could ghost somebody. :(

[Impish Kat]

Even if it's easy to miss tells or mentions in chat (game or discord), ghosting does seem to be a rising trend.

 

My excuses aren't any better than anyone else's; I usually miss messages because I've had my nose buried in the base editor.

 

However, if I see that I've missed a message, I do try to respond with an apology for missing it.  It's just a courtesy to acknowledge the communication.

 

Whether it's a larger trend, I couldn't really say.  All I know is that you're not supposed to ghost Nick Fury.

[Apparition]

Personally, I'm wounded that I wasn't messaged so that I could ghost somebody. :(

 

Post your global.  I'll take care of it.  ;)  :D

[WanderingAries]

Oh wait, we're talking /tell. Ok, WRT to that you'll need to remember one thing though PK. Many of us are on multiple chat chans, Bio's, or even just plain farming. It's REAL easy to lose something that was in the chat. I was just thinking the other day how Cool it would be to have a second monitor just for the chat so that I could have a lot more visible to read at once OR be able to create multiple/readable chats. I thought at first you were talking about forums and that would be a different conversation.

[_NOPE_]

I wasn't talking /tell, though everyone else seems to be.

[Solarverse]

I wasn't talking /tell, though everyone else seems to be.

 

I was speaking specifically on PMs on these boards.

[Abraxus]

I've yet to receive a PM on these boards, so I'm not sure if the reason could be that the alert is so subtle that if one is not looking for it, they won't normally see it?  I'd like to think that folks don't intentionally ignore other folks wanting to speak offline.

[Impish Kat]

I wasn't talking /tell, though everyone else seems to be.

 

Well, /tells and discord are kinda similar.  Though some might just have their settings at "super private" or "no notifications".  *shrug*  I dunno. 

 

I'm not on FB, and I generally don't put my game email out there (and I rarely check it anymore).  I was never one for really getting overly involved in the social platforms (I didn't do CoH Faces, no Twitter, no Instagram, etc.,.) 

 

As for the forums, I know some folks who avoid them, some who check them periodically, and some who check them regularly.  It may be a case of folks just getting the messages late and then figuring it didn't matter anymore. 

 

Or, maybe ghosting is just the newest way for people to indicate they are not interested (which I would agree is kinda rude).

[Mjolnerd]

For some reason, in the modern CoH Community, I've had many, MANY people "ghost" me. On forums, on Discord, via e-mail, via FB Messenger. I send messages, trying to move conversations along... and I get nothing.

Common-but-not-as-common-as-you-might-think knowledge: To prevent spam/harassment, Facebook Messenger shunts messages from people you're not already friends with to a separate folder, and doesn't show you a notification that a message was ever received. Unless you think to go in there and look for it (like if they post a comment in the thread saying "PM sent" or something to that effect), you might never see it.

 

On several occasions, I've accidentally ghosted someone on Facebook who tried to ask a question or start/continue a conversation based on a thread in a public group because I legitimately had no idea anyone had made an attempt at contacting me in the first place. By the time I see those messages, sometimes literal months have gone by, and I'm not about to give someone a "sorry, I didn't see this until just now" for a message they sent in January. That conversation-ship has sailed.

[Marine X]

Have noticed this as well. The posts that get responded to the most are ones that provide an opportunity to show off their " Jr Windbag Society " credentials ( Bob & Tom Show Reference ) or to take sides in an argument, to win at all costs. I've had a post up for 2 days looking for Badge Clarification and nothing, not even the Windbags bestowing their all knowing wisdom. I played Live from May 2004 ( had to wait for broadband install ), but everyone seems to have started Playing in Beta and were personal friends with the Devs. I would look more at the fact that a lot of people only interact when the have something to gain or they want to Windbag by raising their nose in the air and explaining things.

I don't believe it's personal PK, just a sign of the times. I am almost 56, started this game when I was 40. Yet I see the same things you do on a daily basis, more in Chat in the game where people will argue in the Help or LFG channels making them almost useless because the people using the channels correctly scroll out of sight before getting a response. Social Media was in it's infancy when this all started, and is now all grown up with a bunch of hang ups. I will just wait it out till the herd thins out once people who just wanted something shiny see something more shiny.

[Lunchmoney]

It's getting there! 66 views and only three replies! That's a TERRIBLE ratio!

But bots cant reply to posts, only view them  ;D

[Sanguinesun]

No, this isn't about stealthing through a door mission to the end to get the glowie or beat the big bad and their minions - this is about seemingly ignoring people when they attempt to communicate with you. For some reason, in the modern CoH Community, I've had many, MANY people "ghost" me. On forums, on Discord, via e-mail, via FB Messenger. I send messages, trying to move conversations along... and I get nothing. Silence. Dead air. For days, even weeks, even after I send one or more follow-up messages. Has anyone else experienced this with the CoH Community? Or is it just me? It's not just within one subset of the CoH community either, it seems pervasive in multiple sub-communities.

 

I realize that this is a game, it's a hobby, and people have real lives that surely are more important than pretendy fun time games. But, I at least, make it a personal policy to try to respond to everyone that directly contacts me within 24/48 hours out of courtesy, either with a valid response, or just saying something like "I'll have to get back to you later on that". Because I realize that people on the other end are just that, people, and deserve the respect of at the very least being acknowledged. But it seems that many others in the CoH community don't seem to follow the same policy. Is this ubiquitous? As a highly functional autistic, I wonder if this is perhaps some sort of standard neurotypical behavior?

 

Or is it just me? Does my internet breath stink? Wondering what all of your experiences are, to see if I'm all alone in this or not.

 

These sorts of things tend to not happen in a vacuum, especially if the frequency and volume of it is as much as you seem to indicate for your personal situation.  Perhaps some time should be spent thinking about why that may be?

[Auroxis]

The key to not getting ghosted is to not initiate conversations in the first place. Can't lose friends if you don't have any 8)

[Prototech]

Reading this thread it's clear the COH community has a lot of very considerate/sensitive people in it. I would you just point out that some of us less sensitive folk are still good people, we simply may not even realize we are ghosting or being insensitive because we don't operate on that level or even 'care' that much.